I think both is as bad as watching my husband for many weeks hurt so much, but I know what you are saying kissing someone without that goodbye must be pure hell my heart goes out to anyone that has lost a live one both ways
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My friend got married in Christchurch 2 years ago. It’s a lovely place 
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Its pure hell kissing them and saying goodbye 
broke myheart it did
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@Deb5 it is already a bad day for us . Usually have the house trimmed up . His birthday today and our wedding anniversary together . Came home after midnight … twilight shift and my son is crying . We can’t get away from these sad firsts . It’s such a void without my full of life man . Wish I could have stayed in the sun for all of January too . We all have these breaking your heart days I know
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Aw … i know … these days are so hard arent they xx
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Never got to kiss my love goodbye his family banned me from the chapel of rest funeral everything and when I left him and he Monday before he best we had a brief hug and kiss because none of us knew he was gonna pass away that week horrendous talking on the phone when hour later he was gone 
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I live Plymouth Devon feel lost at times the grief is still raw been 6 months
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@Ang5 yes that’s another reason why sudden death is the absolute worst experience- lack of time to make plans for anything. Baz left this world in a blink of an eye and my life is in tatters now. I know for a fact he would have wanted time to prepare for this . It breaks my heart . He was a fit ( we thought) 59 year old who’s hear just stopped beating and he was gone . A year later I still can’t take it in
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@Ladysuisei6 it is a shocking thing to deal with . Gone in an instant and missed so deeply forever . I am at 8 months and it’s still such a nightmare. I don’t think I will ever get used to not having him here . I do things with friends but it doesn’t come near to doing things with him . I just think we are in this terrible life now
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@Jol ive virtually become a recluse since my Baz died . I can’t see a way forward, I’ve totally lost my confidence and quite honestly a lot of the time I can’t be bothered. I’m so unhappy just as you are
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@Ladysuisei6 its the most horrendous feeling isn’t it, gone in an instant I just can’t stop thinking about it all, I remember thinking this is a
Joke!! My life over! The world feels so scary!
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@Ang5 yes I’m constantly terrified by the sheer state of my life . Sometimes I confess I contemplated not going on . I have ended up in a right mess to be honest , mainly because we didn’t have time to plan . Why would we I suppose- we both thought we had years ahead of us . My latest in a catalogue of disasters is that I’m trying to get rehoused by the council as my flat is unsuitable. I don’t know if I stand a chance and just at this moment, I’m not sure if I really care that much . I’m currently staying with my dad .
Yes life is terrifying xxx
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@Ladysuisei6 i hope you get sorted with the council, it’s just more stress what you don’t need but try and think it’ll turn out good in the end and I’m glad your with your dad at the minute, I think we’ve all contemplated not being here, it’s so hard to think we’ll what’s the point, we know our other half’s would be angry with us though and they’d want us to carry on, it’s so difficult though when life as we knew it was snatched away!! Gone! We were laughing and carrying on about the grinch on Sunday the 3rd of December and He was gone on the Monday! Why!! I sometimes think how dare you leave me!! All these things we had planned to do!! If only we all lived closer to each other we could give each Other massive hugs life is so unfair and I hate when
People say things happen for a
Reason, what’s the reason now? For us to be cruelly unhappy, lonely and heartbroken! Yeah great reason, not!! I met a friend earlier for a coffee and I could barely keep the cup upright! Had terrible shakes!! Spilled
Some all over the floor! I’ve been
Left a shell of a person! Im assuming you have too and others, nervous wreck! Heart beating fast, my head wobbles constantly aswel, like a noddy dog! Is this what we are now!
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@Ang5 yes I’m trying to be optimistic about being rehoused. Ironically it’s because the flat is making my mental health worse ! I can’t stay with dad long term , but I have to make a police statement about harassment by a group of animals ( men ) so I’m scared .
In fact since I lost Baz I realise just how he protected me from things like this - I was so lucky to have him in my life . I think he’d be disappointed if I did actually throw in the towel and end my life , but I can’t help thinking he must be saying what a mess I’ve made of everything. Grief scrambles your brain though doesn’t it ? I don’t seem to think clearly half the time which isn’t helping .
Your analogy of nodding dog did raise a smile . My anxiety is so bad sometimes I shake all over the place - I get sweaty head if I get in a real state - nice eh ?
I agree with you that not being able say goodbye is so hard . Mind you , I’m not sure I could have actually said the word “ goodbye “ so another problem there. I’m just trying to say we didn’t want to say goodbye at all , we want them here , now , don’t we .
I do actually have a 30 year old son , but he’s being so horribly selfish at the moment , I find it hard to give him a thought . The only person who really means anything has gone and it hurts like hell
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No i didnt say goodbye i just told him i loved him … but trust me its still a heartbreaker and dont get me started on kids in this generation, if you do much as breath in the wrong direction they just block you on their phones - see when you get older youre not allowed an opinion you know !! … x
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I totally understand that. My husband was late home from work. Kept ringing him and looking outside to see if i could see him then suddenly police at door to let me know he wasnt coming home. He was 67 and no health problems. He had a heart attack at work. My heart is broken i will never forgot seeing police at my door.
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Yeh my.daughter has done that … got.a tiny bit of his ashes and put them in a ring and a pendant for my grandaughter … its sweet … then you have a little bit of them forever havent you ? I havent done it myself though because i have his wedding ring on so that makes me feel close to him. They will never leave us in our heart - they will always be there no matter what happens in our life you know. But its the missing his physical form i find so hard to deal with tbh … i miss his smile, his wit, his care , his presence … its the hardest thing isnt it … but you know keep making friends, surround yourself with people if you can - thats the best thing to do i am finding a year into grieving, i shut myself away for a long time but i am finding more comfort now in being around others who care …
Its just a process i suppose - i find my kids are no help really now , theyre too wrapped up in their own world sad but true … xx
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Yep same … my husband helped me make decisions too … im feeling so heartbroken today … ife is so crap now isnt it im up and down like a flipping yo yo … still … 13 months on
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@Deb5 oh yes I’ve been blocked and instructed not to message either . My son is being a real sh?t at the moment. Due to something I “ allegedly “ said back in August 2023 , when my DIL had a threatened miscarriage ( all fine now though so happy ending) I have today been informed I shan’t be allowed to have contact with my grandson 
I find out he’s been making a file of comments I’ve made which he doesn’t like then he will will throw a tantrum.
He’s also been collecting evidence to support me as a “ stalker “ for phoning him too much .
My partner would be absolutely furious.
He’s a 30 year old man boy 
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Oh no @Ladysuisei6 thats just awful … but sadly familiar to me ! You know what i dunno what this world has come to anymore. I have a grandson due in march and i dunno if im gonna be seeing him either ! It really is an awful world with awful kids in it im afraid … my kids in their 30’s too … all you can do is look after yourself and your dad ! The world has gone nuts take care xxx i was saying to my mum today … people are just kicking us when we are down and it really is quite wicked you know xx
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