@Deb5 i am broken by this you know . My son has turned into the most wicked , unkind , selfish person I have ever met . He’s doing this to hurt me for something I said when in the early stages of grief. I can’t remember those times but I was looking forward to a new life and possibly a new start . Not much chance of this now by the looks of it . I don’t know how he sleeps at night . As a single mother , I gave up a lot for my son because I wanted him to have a good life . This is how he repays me 
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Yes i know exactly what you mean ! I only worked part time whilst my husband worked full time, so i could look after my children ! All those sacrifeces we made and they dont appreciate any of it ! They all came out of school with good qualifications and 2 went to uni … then this is how they repay us ? Dont get it myself … wasnt as if i was a bad mum. But like you i have really struggled with my grief and for some reason they seem to hold this against us dont they ? I think best thing you can do is try build a life for you and totally ignore your son. Let him come around in his own time snd dont chase him for his love. Find other people to love instead … ar least for now xx
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While I can empathise with what you’re all saying and I have been very lucky with the support of my children we really can’t expect them to feel obligated to us. It’s a sad situation but I’m afraid it’s our burden to bear. I am often still in tears but it’s my grief and I try not to burden my daughters. They are grieving too, although he wasn’t their father my girls, especially my youngest were very attached to him
I hope that this response doesn’t offend anyone but that’s how I see it xx
In normal course of life there is a point where the children inevitably become the parents and there is a role reversal
I think there is a level of inherent obligation from children to reciprocate the care they have received in life when that day comes
This seems to be becoming rarer and rarer - guess it’s an indictment of the age we live in
It’s sad - It wouldn’t cross my mind as a possible option to abandon my parents when they need me
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@Deb5 yes I gave up a lot to make sure Dan had a good life . He went to Uni as far as his phD and it was really expensive as he did phD in London . Now he’s got a good well paying job , a 6 bedroom house and he wouldn’t even let me stay there temporarily. They only expecting one child not 20 ! I would have paid decent rent but there we go . He’s coming to see me at my dad’s tomorrow and I look forward to seeing him but he’s so difficult. He expects to be in charge, he’s incredibly disrespectful to me and he’s so cruel and selfish. If I’d have done this to my mother when she was alive , I would have got a clip and a kick up the arse . I was afraid of my mum - not because she was harsh but because she wanted respect.
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Totally agree with that xx
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Oh yes i know exactly what you mean ! They treat you as if you are the child dont they ? I hope it goes ok for you and at least hes visiting you x
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@Annde do you consider being a burden expecting adult children to visit occasionally, to not to ignore your telephone calls and/ or messages or participate in family life . My son has led a charmed life courtesy of me , my partner and my parents and now he turns into a selfish monster ! Whilst I’m not offended by your reply, I find it extremely odd that you think it’s acceptable for adult children to completely abdicate all responsibility for their parents after they’ve taken what they want . My son was brought up in a tight family unit and this afternoon ( he’s not busy) he won’t even answer the phone to arrange picking up some shopping for his 83 year old grandfather. He is selfish and bone idle ! That’s nothing to do with bearing my grief it’s plain selfishness.
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@Deb5 well we will see . Considering he threw a tantrum last week because I said something he misunderstood, I’m not too optimistic. We had a poor conversation this morning where he told me I won’t be allowed to see his child because I upset him and his wife in August 2023 (!!) . I did learn that he keeps a log of comments which upset him ( ridiculous) and he proudly announced he sometimes does these note’s contemporaneously expecting me not to know what that means . I then asked him how does he remember all these details………
goodness what a mess x
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@MemoriesOfUs no me neither . I’m so upset by my son’s conduct. He’s been brought up to be caring , not just to me but in general. Now all he cares about is himself 
Me and my sister helped our dad care for my mother with Alzheimer’s at home for almost 10 years . It was very difficult, sometimes stressful but we just got on with it because she was our mother . We did have carers in as well for a lot of personal care . It was a difficult time
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I haven’t got any children (by choice) but I spent a lot of my time caring for both my parents when they needed it. I had a full time job and life of my own but I wouldn’t dream of not giving back when they both worked hard to ensure I never went without and made many sacrifices so I felt not only was it my duty to reciprocate the love and care they gave me but I also wanted to.
When I grew up family all lived close by each other and you went on holidays with your grandparents, aunt’s and uncles, families these days are separated by distance and not as close as they once where. There was a huge respect towards the older generation which sadly now seems lacking.
A problem shared is a problem halved. Grief is a journey that we face alone but that doesn’t mean others including family cannot offer support. There for the grace of god springs to mind.
The older generation never had access to mental health services or bereavement forums, etc, etc so it was important for families to be there for one another
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Oh goodness me … well if i were you if he starts being nasty i would throw him out ! Play him at his own game ! Fancy already announcing you cant see your grandchild … its cruel but this is the next generation im afraid … 
theyre horrible … i have found anyway x
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After losing all my family and being totally alone now, I often think who will look after me when I am old or am ill and question my choice of not having children but several of my friends have said to me there is no guarantee even if you had had children that they would be there for you as many say their own children don’t want to know which I actually find really sad
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Yeh and there is the rub … there wasnt a need for extra help because people treated each other better … we were taught to honour our father and mother werent we ? Today they dont care !!! Whats happened with that guy you met @Sarlyn ? Is he still around ? X
@Deb5 he has messaged me several times asking me if I have changed my mind lol
I just said to him you are looking for something I can’t give you, I’m nowhere near ready for a relationship, he then said can we go away as friends then… he clearly wants more than friendship so I said no and added I’m sure you other ‘friends’ you can go with lol…
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@Deb5 He has no reason other than spite for withholding my grandson from me . The thing is I’m heartbroken and he knows it . He’s being vindictive because he suggested I made a threatened miscarriage all about me . They hadn’t told me about the pregnancy and I was suddenly a Nan , all excited, weirded out because he didn’t tell me and then so worried. It was a horrible day . He tells me it’s due to this . I should not have mentioned me apparently. My grief has changed me and maybe I did things in the wrong order , but my emotions were all over the place . This last year has been so awful without Baz - he would have guided me . Apparently I said my DIL’s breasts looked “ pregnant “ well they did !
Maybe he will relent who knows
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My Jim would be laughing his head off at the thought of me going away with another man after 30 plus years…lol
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Ive got 3 kids and theyre all selfish … and losing your husband only makes you see how very selfish they are my son was alright the first month and then it got a bit boring didnt it - being nice to his mother ! Tbh i think their partners have a lot to do with it too ! They dont want to “share” them with the mother ! They want them all to themselves x
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My dad (who we lost unexpectedly due to medical negligence - see earlier post on this thread) was the perfect role model in how to look after your parents. He supported my grandparents through my grandma’s alzheimers and my granddad’s frailty.
My brother and I are with my mum, now, every day. I’ve been staying with her, and I’m no rush to go back to mine. My sister is a bit more involved than she used to be, but she’s been a troublesome one.
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