Sorry you are feeling so exhausted Pete. Perhaps the physical, not to say the emotional effects, of caring for Linda for 7 years have caught up with you - I should think it will certainly take time to adjust. Glad to hear that your daughter was strong for you and her mum, I hope your daughter remains a good reason for going on living. My son, Luke, is for me. In some ways he is so much like his mum and it is good to know that she carries on in the world through him. I’m sorry Linda could not speak for the last 2 years and I think I have some inkling of what you mean by words aren’t everything. You’re not preaching, your just saying what’s in your heart and in your thoughts, this is what we are all trying to do. Take care of yourself. Alan
I’m dreading christmas and my dad’s birthday February, the first year with all the anniversaries is going to be tough.
Hope you feel a bit better today.
Hi Kelly and everyone.
My mum’s birthday would be on Christmas day. Being Billy no mates and elder brother and sister who are a bit distant. Mum was the glue that kept us together in theory, while I was doing all the caring they were noticeable by their absence.
There’ll be no decorations now–or ever–as It is going to be feeling rather flat. I will light a candle to her memory and one for my father, then I will listen to jazz cds and watch DVDs of anything that is not Christmassy.
Didn’t sleep to well last night, trying not to take the Zipaclone sleeping tablets to much since the potency can wear off quickly and I don’t want to be dependent on them either. Woke tired, went out in the poring rain,that’s not going to do my cold any good, wandered aimlessly through Neath and found myself in the park…looking at park benches were I would sit with her when the weather was much better, while she was parked in her wheel chair. Reminiscing that we sat there in the sun shine only a few weeks ago; stopping as well at other places we sat in the park over the years.
I looked a peculiar site looking at benches in the howling wind and rain? It broke my heart.
Regards
Dave
Me again…I am getting too self centred in my old age.
Please take good care Kelly. Any family and friends to support you?
When those dreaded milestone days come up do you think you would be able to celebrate your father in some way? If you shed a tear or two (as I definitely will) that’ll show that you are a wonderful loving daughter to you Dad
Wishing you peace and light
Dave
Hi Alan,
Im sorry but i did actually delete your reply by mistake with a few other messages. Thankyou for your kind words. Its encouraging to know that Luke is very much like mom. Im so pleased that 2 in the home are better than 1. Though it may like ours here feel so empty just now time will hopefully fill such a void. No one knows what lies round the corner but i hope for both our sake things will get better. To find a reason to carry on and that life wont become too lonely.I suppose its how we look at everything and whether one can overcome such a loss. Though for a good start i think you can thank God for Luke! If i had,nt got my daughter Marcia helping for the last 3 yrs i would have been gone before Linda. She,s a strong girl and got me through this far but ive told her to not get too comfortable. As she will be needing to look after me next unless they cart me too the loony bin in a straight jacket. Bless you Alan Pete
I’m sorry, Pete, but I don’t think they will cart you away to the loony bin,you are in pain and all at sea like the rest of us, but you sound too well grounded to me, in any case I’m sure your Marcia will keep your feet on the ground. My son Luke lives in London whilst I am on the wild Kent marshes but he phones twice a week and makes time to pay a flying visit every now and again.I am suddenly lost for words, I can’t think what I wanted to say, so often at the moment I walk into a room and can’t think what I am there for, perhaps that’s literally so ! Anyway, whatever else take care and bless you too. Alan.
Oh well im still here, Ive been sorting out a few things but cant seem to get nothing achieved. Maybe i need to leave well alone until the way becomes clearer.I think i must be the same as you forgetting what im supposed to doing or saying… So Luke is in London and keeps in touch when he can. I think if i had any choice id rather live in the marshes simply! than London. I suppose its ok me saying that when all the jobs are there. Talking of Kent Linda used to love it down Broadstairs when her parents used to holiday there. I live in sunny Birmingham in a block flats in the city centre and its noisy, I hope your coping with things as best you can Alan its not easy… I came home this evening put a song on that brought memories flooding back and tears Loving memories will find a resting place in our hearts all in good time .I was sorry to read Sophie,s mother had passed away. Oh no its 2am!! Good night Al
This post certainly has moved on from my original one. Hope everyone is feeling a bit brighter today. Have been away for a few days which did me good but sadly back to square one now, home and facing reality again.
Good to hear from you again and glad you had a good break. In some ways the original post has moved on but it is amazing how many milestones there are. I know that when I took a short break alone a few weeks ago in our motorhome (9 years old when we bought it and that was 7 years ago!) it felt awful going on my own and just as awful coming back. That was a big milestone for me and I know how you are feeling. But I also knew that Helen wouldn’t want the van just sitting there rusting! I’m sure your mum would be glad you got away for a few days.
Did you get any walking done on your break? and do you have any local walking groups? some areas have groups for different abilities (6 miles is my limit) and some groups do shorter and longer walks.
My son used to live in Birmingham, Acocks Green I think, and really liked the place. I’m glad to hear it is still sunny (!). A poet once said that tears wash the soul and I am sure happy tears wash it even better. My tears are less now (cue guilt trip) but some of them are happier tears - inch by inch, as our tortoise, Flash, always tells me. Take good care, Alan.
Yes going away on your own is a milestone the first time. I don’t mind as have done this a lot over the years and this time it gave me thinking time which was needed. Lots of walks as was by the sea so just walked with a bit of beach combing as well. Coming back when i would normally have had Mum to tell my adventures to was so sad. Not bringing a present home for her too felt awful.
I find going out for walks very beneficial. Local hospice do them for anyone wanting to attended. I haven’t yet gone along but may well do so next year as walking in the winter alone is not much fun. If nothing else it is exhausting and there is the hope of some sleep if tired. I go off to sleep well but wake up so early and just lie thinking about what has happened which means i am then upset when i get up. Not a good start to the day when you can’t leave the house until you’ve calmed yourself down.