I lost my dad in may, I hadn’t seen him since march due to him living in Scotland and the covid hitting us in march, he had been diagnosed in jan with terminal lung cancer, he died in a home and I didn’t get to say goodbye to him as he was always sleeping when I rang, i didn’t get to be with him in his final hour, i feel so lost, hurt and cheated that he left without anyone with him when he should have had family there, my daily life just seems to exist, when I come home from work I talk to him, i cry I shout at his photo and I just want to tell him I love and really miss him.
Hi Lisa. I am so so sorry for your loss, but Welcome to SR where we all understand how you feel. Your reactions are normal in the circumstances. So many of us have felt the awful pain of not being there when a loved one passes. It’s not your fault that covid hit at the same time as your dad was ill. It’s OK to talk to him and cry over him. Emotions are there for a reason to relieve stress. They may not seem to do so at first, but ‘bottling up’ emotions is not good. You are among friends here who will never judge or come out with the usual platitudes from well meaning people who have no idea of the pain. One day at a time is best. There is no way of hurrying through grief. No method or time scale either. Everyone will cope in their own way. Please come back and talk to us if you feel the need. Take care and Blessings. John.
Thank you for your support, I tried cruse for help but feel it was to soon after losing my dad, i was angry and too upset at the world and the covid at the time, now I feel i can talk about him and feel that i can accept help and advice even though I am still sad and lost without him.
Dear @Lisa67, I am so sorry for your loss. It’s very difficult when you cannot be with them when they die, we couldn’t be with our dad as he had Covid and was in hospital, he had always wanted to die at home with his family, but it wasn’t to be. Do you have any friends or family who are there to help you? I hope you’re not coping alone, as @Jonathan123 says, you are amongst friends here “who will never judge or come out with the usual platitudes”, so whenever you need to talk, we are here.
It’s hell. The whole thing with the virus on top of it all. I’m clinging to the idea that gradually I’ll come to accept things, but, if you get angry feel free to spit it all out here. It will chime with someone, if not all of us. May is nothing anyway. I’m an April. I thought I was doing OK. I came here about a month ago and it does help, hearing similar experiences. Sometimes, really it does. Not always. But I think most of the people here are trying their best to offer some sort of help . Keep checking in. And be as angry as you want. You really are amongst friends.
I lost my Dad last week and I understand your pain. I was able to see him the day before he died in Hospital. He died alone in his sleep. Its hard to think that he was just down the road shielding from Covid most of this year and i made choices to not see him.
Its too early for me to miss him and i know its going to be tough. The funeral is next week.
I’ve told myself to not feel guilty about certain choices and situations that were out of my control or trying to do the right thing. Above all else…be kind to yourself and please fight the guilt. We are living in rough and unique times.
I’ve been told there is not one way to grieve. I’m kind of in Limbo myself. I hope the pain eases for you and you can think of happier times.
Yes, fight the guilt. And yes, grieve in whatever way you want. Very wise words. I too hope the pain eases for @lisa67. I hope that with more goodwill than you can think. Limbo @BenjoBD, yes, absolutely.
my father died of lung cancer two weeks ago. Similar to you, Covid meant I hadn’t seen him since January, and I chose not to attend his funeral to avoid putting others at risk. I also could not speak to my dad for a few weeks before he died, as he was initially sleeping a lot, and was then no longer able to talk on the phone, and then he couldn’t talk at all.
I last saw him in January and I had a suspicion that it might be the last time. So I said my goodbyes then, even though he didn’t want to hear any of it at the time. I don’t know how I would cope now if I hadn’t, so I can absolutely understand that you feel devastated by not having had that chance. Be gentle with yourself.
I lost my dad 5 years ago and my husband June this year. Two most important men in my life. Luckily I have one left. My beautiful son. I still miss my little dad. The pain never goes but I look at my dad’s photo and smile. I love him and still look to him for guidance at times. Take care. Sending hugs💙