Miss my husband so much cannot cope

My husband was 52 when he passed on 14may 2017. He had been diagnosed in January with sinus cancer had operation on 14 February which went well but 3 days later had respiratory arrest and was then in icu for 4 weeks. He went from being a fit man to totally dependant on nurses for everything even tho he understood what was going on he could not speak properly as the respiratory arrest had caused an hypoxia episode or a small brain injury . Due to this he could not have further treatment for the cancer and it returned on 4 may in same place but more aggressively and there was nothing they could do. He was supposed to come home for palliative care but never got here as the tumour progressed rapidly to his left eye then he got a chest infection and finally could not take anymore. The renal doctor told me before he passed that he had communicated to the neuro doctor on Friday 12 may that he did not want to be brought back if it came to it as he would only be suffering but he never told me. I was there with him when he went as was his brother but I just can’t understand why . I did not want him suffering anymore but I also wanted him to stay with me. We had been together 23 years. Just cannot cope.

Dear Sue, I am so very sorry to read your post. Losing your husband like that must have been so incredibly distressing. I know you didn’t want him to leave you, but he is no longer suffering. Just keep reminding yourself of that.

I completely understand that you feel you cannot cope - but somehow you will. I don’t know if you are looking for advice on how to cope, or if you simply need to say how you feel. Either way this is a good place to come to. People here will listen, offer advice, and help if they can.

I don’t know if it will help, but after seven months for me the pain has eased a little, there are a few ok-ish days, I can smile at photos instead of dissolving, and the future does not look quite so bleak.

Please post on here whenever you need to and remember to take good care of yourself. Best wishes, Neil.