Miss my husband so much

Hi Jonathan and Pattidot
I just want the newly grieved to know that we have all suffered those terrible moments when you realise that your loved one is never coming back and this is not a dream but is actually happening. Like many on here I just wanted to die at first. But when I look in my diary I realise that other things have been addressed without me even noticing at first.
The raw grief becomes something we can live with as it turns to becoming
another part of a new life. I miss Ron with all my heart but somehow I am managing to carry on.

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I do too and I love that post, Angiejo, so positive and encouraging. A really good idea to write that list, I will do one, too. therapeutic and good to look back on in the future and see how far we’ve comeMaybe we could all post one thing we’ve been able to do, no matter how small, every day . . My challenge for tomorrow is to try to start reading a book, something I used to love but just haven’t been able to concentrate long enough. Hope everyone has a good day tomorrow, sending love x

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Hi Anglejo 1
I am now 15 months in from when Steve passed away. And your list is exactly how I have been - it could almost have been written by me. In the beginning it is tough, it’s still tough some days. I have triggers that set me off. From your list I am still struck on number 9 - watching tv. Tv either has to be an easy watch, ‘ For the love of dogs’ Etc or really gripping. The evening is still hard but improving.
At the moment I am trying to take all the photos off of the computer and put them into books. This is a trigger. There are photos on there that I have not seen for over 10 years. Unfortunately that’s the problem with uploading holiday photos- you never see them again. The computer is now passed its sell by date do I’m downloading them and making albums.
For all those new to their grief there is a chink of light at the end of the tunnel. A bit at a time.

I too have started to read a book, have never really read a lot in the past, only books for my studying or career development. But now I am beginning to enjoy them. Helps me to sleep. X

Hello Montague, I’m very impressed about your photos. You are so right, they disappear onto the computer never to be seen again but yes, will be heartbreaking when you look at them now under these circumstances. My husband was the one who was happy to spend hours on the computer, everything was done on line and he really enjoyed it. We recently discovered he had Aspergers! The upshot was, I haven’t a clue. didn’t even know the password which wasn’t very helpful as all our banking was done on line.At the moment I’m trying to get to grips with the printer, but it’s a mountain to climb! Know what you mean about tv, something nice and bland like the repair shop or Nick Knowles SOS is all I can manage at thdd Ed moment. Glad you’ve started reading again, had meant to last night but fell asleep, book in hand, light on. And no Malcolm to gently put the book down and turn out the light. So sad for us all. Keep reading x

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Dear Christie Steve also fought hard for 2years with leukaemia, at the end he was bed ridden at home and died in my arms.I am thinking of suicide every day only my dog is keeping me here. I can go days without seeing or hearing from anyone, so hard x

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Dear Mag,
We were so lucky to have the love of two strong and brave men and we must honour them by also being brave and strong. It is easier said than done I know, but please message me anytime, don’t be alone. We are in a very dark and lonely place, but take heart from others on this site, who do see a light at the end of a very long tunnel and you and I will too. Please keep safe love and hugs. xx

Hi tks t say u can enjoy a bit of tv ,I try yesterday after going almost 10 months without and couldn’t, been just 5 months but he couldn’t talk 4 months before he went so I struggle with that so many things an said tks t say u r a bit better,this pain is sooo raw ,just the people who went through knows,have a better day !!nanda

Hi mag don’t give up I feel like that uswell but I don’t think our love ones would like that I know like u guys and girls well never ever forget them ever but we have t think about they would say t us if we want t give up in our lives ,was really into that in the first month but I would call m names so hang on ,and have the best ,wherever,day x

Hi Angiejo
What truly kind and wise words and so very true. Those of us that have been on this road longer can truly feel the pain that the newly bereaved are going through and if we can just give one person a little encouragement to face each day then we can be thankful that we have managed to help.
Like you somehow I am managing to carry on but today I had a setback for a few minutes… What was I doing at the time…Picking blackberries. I couldn’t reach the high ones and this is where Brian was useful. I am 5’3" and he was 6’. His favourite saying was “Go and grow some legs”. It all came flooding back the hours we spent picking. Doesn’t take much does it.

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Hi there bjane
I too am usually a great book reader. Always had my head in a book. Bookcases full of books but I have truly struggled to read a novel since losing Brian. I have managed to read a couple while forced to spend more time at home so hope I’m on the way to reading again. I was into a good book that Brian recommended when he was so very ill. I sat by his bedside (I nursed him at home) reading this book. On the day he died I had put it on a shelf and to this day it is still half read and in the same place. Never touched since.

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Mag, I echo what Chrissie said, please message me any time too, being lonely is unbearable. And being bereft after over 40 years together is also unbearable, I am in the same situation so I can understand just how you are feeling. It’s like someone’s put the light out and your world is sad. dark and empty’. Also unrecognisable and frightening, they were our soulmates and now we are alone but people on here are so caring and supportive. We don’t know each other but we are united in our grief and there is always someone here when you need encouragement , sympathy or just someone to listen. Don’t feel desperate on your own. Sending love x

Pattidot, so sad about the blackberries. It’s the little things isn’t it. I couldn’t get my wellies off the other day, Malcolm used to heave them off for me while I sat on the sofa. Took me 45 minutes for the second one! I now have a boot jack! We have to
learn to cope on our own now, just tussled with the duvet cover which we always used to do together.
Can I just ask you about going out without them? Have ventured out again today on my own got every bit as upset seeing the places we used to go, supermarkets, coffee bars, restaurants, the cinema, etc, all happy places we used to go to. I ended up with stomach ache and feeling sick again and tears all over the place, rushing home. What I wanted to ask you is this Is it better to keep doing things like that so it starts to hurt less or is it better to leave it until I’m feeling more able to cope. I’m asking you as your advice is always so good! Thank you so much. Love B x

Tomlinson

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Hi. Pat. My old mentor teacher and counsellor had a large library full of books relating to life and all sorts of abstract ideas. When I was having counselling with him his wife died. He said to me ‘All these books mock me’. I understood what he meant. All the learning and being so erudite and clever does nothing for you when you suffer as we do. I have read many books on bereavement and I can say not one has given me much relief.
Grief is a far too personal thing to share in books. Like anxiety it needs one to one contact with someone we know and trust.
Kind regards. John.

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Like you I had been married to my husband for 52 years. He had Cancer and Heart failure and I nursed him at home for the last 6 months. He died 6 weeks ago. I didn’t think what it would be like without him. But now i feel so lonely & lost without him. Silly little things make me cry. People ask how are you, but what can you say ? Reading your replies gave me hope that in time I can cope and learn to remember the good times and not the husband I saw waste away. I now look after his garden and his dog and this helps. We are both on this journey together we are not alone.

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Les G you are doing so well after such a short time, it’s just over 6 months since
Malcolm died and I’m still really struggling some days.Lonely and lost is what we are, nothing prepared us for this and it’s understandable that you cry over silly little things . Same with me, it’s the little things , the unexpected things that knock us sideways . And you will be exhausted too, having nursed your husband for so long so please look
after yourself and keep doing things you enjoy. Love, Bx Three months not six, have no control
over this new phone and predictive text is terrible! x

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Great idea and very positive xx

Hi everyone. I had a bad day yesterday. The weather here was dull and I just felt flat all day. It was as though I Could not be bothered speaking to anyone. I just kept telling myself that this is how I am going to feel now forever although I knew that tody would be a bit better. I used to mange a very successful charity shop so I offered my services as a volunteer to a local shop and I start Friday. I am missing my friends too as some of them have be ome obsessed with covid and I can’t get them to budge from their homes. I have found TV a big help since Ron died and I would recommend everyone to watch ‘After Life’ with RickyGervais on Netflix and The series ‘The Crown’ which many of youmayhave seen. Funnily in I look forward to curling up on the settee in the evenings with a plateful of toffee or crisps. To those of you who like to read I am starting to read more newspapers, especially the long stories they include. Hope you are all feeling Ok today. I am going to the hairdressers which is always a tonic to me. Love to you all.

Sorry about mistakes on text. My eyesight is getting worse or could just be the text on phone getting smaller.

Well done you. I used to manage a Charity Shop too. Being a volunteer is a great idea. Volunteers always support each other, or mine did. They were a great bunch lots of laughs and even did meals out. What a positive step. I hope things go well for you.