When you lose someone thats been a part of yr life then therenot there any more my hubby had cancer they gave him 3/10mnths he passed 3days after the 10mnths i looked after him till the end and i thought id prepared my self this is what’s going to happen but i was so wrong every day was a blessing in the first few months we had a bucket list we were going to do go on holiday spend more time with the family and grankids we couldn’t fulfill our bucket list as he wasn’t allowed to fly and allthe hospital appointments and radiotherapy he’d have his good days thenbad days which became more apparent we’d sit and talk about the situation how we both felt the children and grandchildren would viset we would talk laugh together i think to block out wat was going on i feel proud of myself for looking after him till the end it was hard at times and if im honest i did want to give up but i carried on tillthe end iknow he’s out of pain but hes left a big hole in my heart x
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband also died young, he had a terminal illness but should’ve had years. He died 6 weeks after diagnosis of a completely unrelated illness. Life is not fair. I wish I had something inspiring to tell you, but all I know is that going forward without your soul mate is hard. But we owe it to them and ourselves to do our best to make a good, albeit different, life. Everyone’s experience is different, so what works for me might not for you. But we were loved and we loved. If I knew 32 years ago that this is how it would end I would still do it.
Well for me it is a bit complicated.
We had ups and downs and I wasn’t coping very well when he was very poorly as so was I. Complicated by struggling to cope with adult autistic son all too much. Not as I wished it to be. He struggled to try to cope to the end. I feel it is what it is.
I would rather that it had been I could have done for him more and been more how I now wish. But he wanted to carry on until he dropped I think.
Can’t change how he was. I would think he shouldn’t on one hand but he had always this idea he must do what he had to do
Mine is complicated too. He had just been diagnosed with the rarest form of MND. Flail Arm Phenotype, minimum prognosis is 5 year to die of old age. 10 days after diagnosis we were both admitted to hospital with life threatening throat infections. I was 5 hours before him, it had gone to my epiglottis and I was suffocating. I got in in time and was treated with steroids and antibiotics. Sadly he was not so lucky, his had turned into Ludwig’s Angina and his airway was completely blocked. He had emergency surgery and was on a ventilator until the Monday when he was taken off and seemingly on the road to recovery, was on a normal ward, but on Wednesday evening he went unresponsive and rushed back to theatre. He had contracted pseudomonas, he was reintubated and to cut a long story short, was ventilated, awake for 26 days. They extubated him on 16th Jan and he was dead in an hour. We had an Inquest and the Coroner gave a narrative verdict and criticised the ICCU staff, I had fought with them every day. In the new year I am seeking legal advice as I want the hospital to pay for what they did. Not in a monetary sense but it seems that is all it boils down to. I feel I let him down, if I hadn’t been so I’ll myself he would’ve been in hospital sooner, if I had fought harder with the medics ……
Yeh it leaves a big hole in your heart for sure ! Sending hugs xxx
Your experience is very complicated as well. He had had diabetes that was diagnosed over ten years but had not been found out until more damage had been done. He had a foot injury caused by stepping on a poisonous thorn that would nt heal. They did not test him for diabetes and he suffered agonies.
It was only when I took him to A and E that they gave him tests and found out he had type 2.
He had all the singing and dancing care and sometimes it would sort of heal but never fully as it had been left too long and had gone to bone.
For all those years he couldn’t swim or go on the beach or walk very well and had to have this slipper and bandage limiting his interests. It took forever for them to get him special shoes. The pandemic came and no treatement whatsoever. I had to try to look with my eyes that have macular so can hardly see. We were trying to help each other. Struggling. I have arthritus in hand so cant do lots of things and my leg swelled up because of tablets I had been given. Then I have had terrible pain in my feet. Anyway, he got worse over the years and nothing worked plus he had got heart trouble. In the end he was like an old man shuffling along. I knew he was very ill but he wouldnt go to A and E to be diagnosed when he had pain in his heart. How can you make someone.
He did get a referral after he died. But while in hospital he had his toes cut off but that did not work so he had his foot amputated and had three cardiac arrests and a temporary pacemaker fitted which they removed two days before he fell out of bed ate his breakfast and died. I was very cross because I thought they would make the pacemaker permanent but they said that his large ventricule was blocked and too bad to fit a balloon angioplasty or stent etc as he had left it but what can I do there was no guarantee they would have done it when he needed it as it is a lottery. They said he had caught sepsis then they denied it. We were to have a post mortem and then they said they were not going to and we would have had to pay for it privately. So it looked fishy.
I could not face going through the legal route and all that stress. I had lost a baby years ago and could not face all that although it was due to negligence.
I feel I am stressed as much as I can take as it is.