Missing Alan so much

I still say I Love You, but now there’s no reply.
I always feel your presence as if you never left my side.
I remember your comforting voice now there’s not a sound.
Only echoes from the past follow me around.

You’re always by my side, but I can’t hold your hand.
The reason why God took you, I find hard to understand.
Summer days seem much shorter, dark nights just linger on.
Dreams turn into nightmares when the one you love has gone.

But real love never fades it still burns like the sun.
Although they’re far away those memories go on and on.
Your spirit will never die it shines like the stars.
I know you’re sleeping in heaven, but you’re living in my heart.

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Another lovely poem, we always have our memories. xxx

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What a beautiful poem and true in every word :heart:

Thank you.
It stil brings tears to my eyes. xx

Beautiful words, i can feel where you are coming from.

It still hurts so much, and all I do is wish it wasn’ true. He should still be here with me.
If only we could turn back time.

That’s exactly what I think every day - just turn back the time and do something different. It just doesn’t work though

Now I realise that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, nothing will ever be the same again.
We can never get back the time after it’s gone.

I lost my hubby in April , I’m missing him more as time goes by .I’ve just read the poem now crying my eyes out ,l go to work and come home to an empty house, look in the sky see a star l don’t know ,my hubby’s not here to tell me which one it is ,boiler stopped working he’s not here to fix it ,garage alarm won’t stop , Father’s day I’m making cards with children at work maybe that’s what’s killing me at the moment, l miss him so much x

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That’s a beautiful poem and brought tears to my eyes, I miss him so much but reading this poem help because it helps the tears to flow instead of bottle it up. We will be together at some point I know.

I am so sorry for the recent loss of your husband. I wish I could offer you some words of comfort, but it’s only been 20 weeks on Sundy since I lost Alan and all I feel is heartache and pain. Words, however kind, can’t mend your heartache.
There will never be a day when we wont think of them and wish they were here by our sides.
Please take care, my thoughts are with you xx

Tears are words the heart can’t express.
Although we can no longer see them with our eyes, or touch them with our hands, we will feel them in our hearts forever. Yes, one day we will be together.

Thank you for sharing . I have a little book and since my hubby died I write verses in it that I come across like this one . I often share them with others too . Writing things down has long been a help to me all through my life . I think with grief writing down how we feel can be such a release :cry::two_hearts:

I send him e-mails with poems everyday, and just hope he reads them up there in Heaven. They do make me cry and I miss him even more as the words hit my heart with a big thump everytime. The tears will always fall, but when will this pain end? I long for the day when I can look at his photos and smile instead of cry. How cruel life is to take away the love of our lives. xx

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I know it’s hard for everyone in our position and there are so many of going through this sad time.
I am so sorry for your loss, I could say that each day that goes past gets better but it doesn’t you miss them just as much but you get better at dealing with it and putting in a front especially for the family but when that door closes and you are on your own it’s just the same and all you have is memories and nobody to hold your hand and say it’s ok because it isn’t. I really feel for you and everyone else going through the same thing xxx

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Thank you for your kind words.
I just had a few hours out shopping with my daughter this morning which was good to get out, but the tears soon started to well up when I looked at things that he liked and I would be buying.
Before I went out I found myself looking at his photo and asking him if he wanted a nice apple pie and custard (his favourite) tonight!
Now I’m back to an empty home and back to square one with the sad thoughts, crying and heartache again.
20 weeks today was the last time I got to see him via a hospial virtual visit, and little did I know it would be the last time I ever saw him. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve got no interest or motivation to do anything. My thoughts are constantly of him.
Sorry to ramble on and probably not making a lot of sense, but it does help writing to get it out of my system for a while. xx

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Don’t worry about rambling on it’s what you need. People tell me that’s it’s better to talk about it but I don’t find that because nobody knows him like I do and telling strangers you see that dead look on there face which you know that they have heard enough. We never had a lot of friends, we were just happy with each other but now it’s backfired. I don’t know if it’s just that they don’t know what to say,but then it’s still not him. So I get comfort in talking to his photo, it used to be at the side of my chair so I could see it during the day but now I’ve put it in the bedroom so I can talk to him every night. I found it helps me before I go to bed to talk to him and tell him what’s gone on during the day ( usually not a lot) I usually go to bed and have a really good cry.
I know how you feel about not being able to be with him and just have a virtual visit. My husband got COVID which I blame myself for because had a bad water infection which turned into pneumonia and things were shutting down, I didn’t know anything about it but it must have been then when he was with me in hospital that he caught COVID even though I was tested 3 times and was negative each time that was the only place we believe he could have caught it because he was very careful. I had been out only a couple of weeks when he started having trouble breathing I phoned the ambulance, he was laughing and joking while he walked into the ambulance and 2 days later they switched his ventilator off, I was able to have a video when they switched the ventilator off and I will never forget the sound of his last breath.
Like you I wish I could have held his hand when they did it.
I think I will always blame myself but it doesn’t change anything.
I think writing it down does help a little.
Take care and try to look after yourself, it’s one thing telling someone else to look after themselves and its another doing it myself.
One day at a time

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As I read your message, my heart is breaking for you. I can feel your pain and everything you are going through. It’s just so similar to what I went through and no doubt hundreds of others too, due to this horrible, evil, vile Covid. How I hate that word and what it’s done.
I was waiting patiently for my virtual visit (20 weeks today), but all I got was a phone call late afternoon to tell me that he died. I never got to tell him I loved him or to say goodbye. I don’t know if I could have been strong enough to watch them switch off the ventilator and see him leave me.
The last memories of my virtual visit are so painful, he couldn’t speak to answer me and all I still see is his sad face, and can hear the awful sound of those machines trying to keep him alive. All I keep asking myself is why did he have to die, why did he leave me.
I find I can’t talk to my close friends about him anymore, I just feel like they have heard enough and they quickly change the subject. I still cry and talk to my daughter when i feel so down, but hate upsetting her. It’s a release of all those pent up emotions, but they never really leave, they’re always there waiting for the next heartache and tears to begin again.
All we have left now are our photos and memories which can never be taken away from us. But all I really want is to have him back.
Every day seems harder to cope with as we try to get on with his horrible existence we now have to live. They say the pain of yesterday is the strength of today, but I’m still waiting for that “today” to come.
Thank you again for your heart warming message. My thoughts are with you.

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If ever you feel that you want to let off steam or just speak to someone I’m here, it does help.
Take care

Thank you x

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