I lost my husband and soul mate 9 months ago. We just enjoyed simple things like walks coffees out and people watching, doing the paper puzzles together. When I see other older couples together I have to fight the urge to feel resentful and [yes] jealous. I know its wrong and don’t wish anybody ill , but its somthing I can never get back. Another widow said he felt the same way, so I am not alone in that feeling. I just feel sick in my stomach when I walk past couples doing coffee and chat. I go out with friends but not the same. I feel guilt and ashamed to be resentful.
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@Maryr I am so sorry for your loss. It’s early days for you and many of us and I think a lot of of us can relate to your words. I think it comes as part of the grieving process and when we see couples enjoying life it brings back memories of what we had and will no longer have. In my thoughts as we ride this painful journey together. x
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I imagine I’m sticking out like a sore thumb - -
Yes, I have looked at self absorbed couples & Thot just wait till it’s your turn!. Walk a week in my shoes. 
And I know that’s the “nasty me”. But I don’t feel guilty!
Take care.
G. X
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i feel the same😢envy is not nice but all my friends are couples. when you lose your best friend and soul mate its horrid. I never knew what hurt was till this happened and my life was crap before i met him. why do the best ones die🥵
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Mary you’re not alone feeling jealous - I do too, often. And tbh I’m not ready to socialise with my “couple” friends. Apart from the fact that these couple friends were both our friends, I’m also conscious of my jealous feelings… That said, apparently it’s a common feeling amongst those of us who are living in this nightmare 
I saw this post a few months ago, which resonated a lot with me. Sending you my very best wishes and please know what you’re feeling is normal so please don’t beat yourself up xx
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Hi Maryr,I am so sorry for your loss, I have had 8 months grieving my beautiful wife who I lost suddenly, and know exactly how you feel, I even think to myself when I see a couple walking together and not holding hands, why don’t you hold hands with each other, as you don’t realise how lucky you are to have each other, also I could fall out with some guys when I hear them make remarks about their partners back home, once again, I think they don’t realise how lucky there are that they have a partner to go home to and enjoy being a couple, and yes I am also jealous when I hear couples talking about things that they have done or making future plans together, knowing well that I won’t be ever doing this again, I am not normally like this and I do hope that this is all part of grieving and I will feel different about this one day. Take Care Mickere x
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Hi Mickere
Thanks for your reply. I hope I will feel different one day but can’t see it at the moment. My dear old Dad said it took him over 2 years to get over the loss of my Mum [she died when I was 15.-] . Every morning I wake up feeling anxious, it’s horrible. as the day goes on, I start to feel better. My husband was part of my adult life from the age of 15. I went to a meeting last night for the first time without my husband. It felt strange, one way I felt he was [art of my past life the other way was thinking why isn’t he here. I am in the middle of diagnosis of may be ‘broken heart’ syndrome I always thought that was fairy story but apparently its a real happening to your heart.
It a relieve to know I am not the only person feeling selfish when I see couples out together, but do not begrudge them at the same time. I wish I was a stronger mentally person.
Mary
Dear Shaz
Thankyou for your support and reassurance, one of the worst things about the grief is the feeling of anxiousness I get when I wake in the morning. Its just makes me feel jittery for a good couple of hours.
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Dear Grandma
When I first lost my husband I felt like I was walking up the road with ‘widow’ stamped on my forhead.
Mary
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I’ve come away for a couple of days to scatter mums ashes. but I’m not ready to take hubby’s yet. That’s a hurdle for another time.
Here I’ve been invisible - no-one recognises me or looking at me. Blending in rather than feeling I have a sign above my head.
Not on my own tho – have taken a favourite photo of hubby with me.
Take care.
G. Xx
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Grandma
He will always be with you.
xx
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Bryan Ferry said it, “lonelyness is a crowded room” I can’t even think what xmas will be like, but I know this,. I have to put up the tree and all sue used to put out for my daughters and the grand daughters got to try and nake it normal as possible for every one, they going through the mill too. Selfishly I want to curl up in a ball and just sleep christmas away xx take care all of my goes out to each and everyone of you 
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I’m also 9 months in this nightmare of losing my husband of 45 years, I also resent couples just going about there business especially my age group, The. Feel a mean old lady because I’m feeling life seems so unfair. Had to go to B&Q today felt so lost this was the only store he enjoyed going to I used to joke he’d spend hours in there.
We will be okay eventually, I just wanted you to know I feel your pain and understand your feelings
Xxx
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