It’s been a while since I last came on here, mainly because I was in hospital for a week and have been ill for a couple of weeks… But also because now that everything has calmed down, I’ve had time to take it all in. My mum’s death was so sudden, so unexpected, I mean she was only 47 for God sake I should have been her age before she passed away. I’ve felt this hole in my heart since the minute she was gone and everyone keeps saying I am coping really well considering everything going on with my own health too. I am proud of how I’ve handled myself over the last few weeks for sure and I know I have my Mum to thank for that because I got my strength from her… but now I’m home again and I can’t do anything but sit there and think… the last couple of days I’ve found myself falling in to that pit again where all I can think about is what happened and that morning and the weekend she was in a coma and the last thing we spoke about and just the last everything.
Death is just so final. I had never lost anybody before and I never thought for a minute I’d lose my best friend, my rock. Just feel very helpless recently. I just want to know if she’s happy, if she is okay, was she scared when everything happened? Could she hear me when I last spoke to her in the coma? Is she with me now? Was she with me in the hospital? Stupid questions really because I know she was there, I’m certain of it. When I was given my anaesthetic to send me to sleep they asked me what I would dream about and without hesitation I said my Mum. I know she will have been there holding my hand, keeping her eyes on the surgeons making sure they were looking after me. God help them if they didn’t haha 
I don’t know though I have my okay days and I guess I’m just in that pit at the minute where I’m having a few rough days and I know it will pass and I will feel a little bit better but its coming up on 3 months now and I just still find it all very hard to accept.
Just annoys me sometimes when people say I’m doing great and that my Mum would be proud of me and how strong I have been and they are probably right but I just wish I could be a bit easier on myself sometimes and remember that grief doesn’t have an expiration date and I will always have a little piece missing of me… I just wish the piece wasn’t such a huge one. I long for the day I can communicate with her or have a little sign from her or just see her face. Anything. I’ll take anything at this point 
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Bless you Charlotte your words struck a chord in me as I have just lost my Mother but I was fortunate in that she had lived a good long life and was 92 but she still wasn’t ready to go! Losing your Mum at the tender age of 47 must feel like you’ve been robbed of so many years and I can only say how sorry I am that you have had this happen. I’ve been desperately reading reading reading trying to find help and support in how I’m feeling, is this something you might be able to give a shot? It’s amazing how much information there is out there and how many different interpretations of death and the afterlife. Acceptance is hard as we actually don’t want to accept but accept we must as it’s out of our hands so fighting it just drains our energy and isn’t helpful. I feel your pain and recognise your deep loss. Remember to take care of yourself whilst going through all the emotions and feelings. Very important. Big hug Red Poppy 
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Bless you. That is a such a young age for your mum. I felt robbed of time with dad and he was 76. I wished for more time with him.
Sometimes people think they are saying comforting things but we don’t see it that way. Sending prayers and hugs
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Hi redpoppy!
Yeah losing my mum when I was 22 in November was honestly heart breaking. I just feel so robbed! She’s never going to see my nieces grow up, she will never get to see my children in the future, see me get married, etc. I’ve lost my best friend and it kills me every day. I still lie awake every night and cry just thinking about everything and not knowing if she’s okay, not hearing her voice ever again… its just all so hard to accept.
Losing a mum is quite something isn’t it? They are our best friends. They taught us everything we know. I mean if I ever had a problem, she was always who I went to and she always knew what to say! Mums know everything. They are our everything & when they are gone they leave behind a massive hole and you have to fill it as best you can.
Of course I’d be happy to help in any way I can. Speaking to each other really helps especially when you are going through the same thing… thinking of you, we’ll get through this. We have our loving mothers watching over us❤
Yeah I feel so robbed of memories that I will never get to have with her:pleading_face: I struggle every day but I know she will be there watching over me. Sorry for the loss of your dad 
Parents are our absolute world in most cases and losing them genuinely feels like walking around with a hole in your heart doesn’t it? Prayers and hugs to you too:heart:
Charlotte yes it does feel like you have a hole in your heart and is forever with you the loss of that person in your life. I guess we just get used to feeling their loss over time and it becomes less painful. How we get through the imminent overwhelming feelings of pain and loss is to be worked out each day, Some days we need to give in and acknowledge we won’t get much done that day and others we may feel a bit more alive. Just take each hour as it comes and keep getting through them Hugs and kindness being sent from Red Poppy
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