I have posted on other categories and within this one too.
Mam passed away 6 weeks ago. I am 60. I had lived with her all of that time and three years ago when mam was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I was her carer too, as well as being mam’s loving son.
Alzheimer’s and dementia are shocking diseases. However, mam was doing as well as could be expected. She did get anxious, upset and forgot things, but through all this she never ever forgot me and even though I was caring for mam, she cared and loved me so much.
We always chatted with each other. Mam had a beautiful smile and I always managed to make her laugh. She worried about me God bless her. She was always asking if I was okay and I always said if you are mam, I am. We used to go through the news and newspaper headlines together so we knew what was happening in the world. If I asked her if I looked okay, if i felt a little unwell, she always said come here. Let’s have a look at you. She always said you look lovely.
When I used to dress her she used to sit on the end of the settee arm. As I dressed her every morning she used to put her head on my shoulder and say: I love you Stephen and I always said: I love you mam.
We both loved and cared for each other so much. When she was in hospital I started crying at her bedside and she took my head in her hands and said: come here. Don’t cry. Don’t get upset Stephen.
She came home for 9 days under palliative care before she passed away.
After all that, what I am trying to say is that my mam isn’t here to help, support, love and care for me, just like I did for her. I have no one to do any of the above. Show love and care to me. I miss her so much. Life isn’t the same anymore. If only she was here to ask me: Are you okay Stephen?
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Oh @Stephen65, I can hear the pain in your words. It sounds like you had such a wonderful relationship.
You deserve care and support, and I hope you know the community is here for you. You’re not alone.
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support and kind words.
Sending you all my best wishes. Stephen
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I too have lost my mum, 16 days ago. Like you, we lived together, bought a home together, and then cared for each other.
Nothing fills that gap, but I have tried to focus on all the love she gave me is still part of me and how blessed I was to have known a parent as a best friend.
Stay safe 
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Nifster
Thank you for responding. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your beloved mum.
Like you, when you are together all of the time it creates a special bond. I agree with everything you have put. Some one once commented that they had never seen such a loving relationship between a mum and a son.
All the things you said I do try to think how much we had together and that we were lucky to have been so close. It is that sometimes, even though I know this, I still cry uncontrollably.
God bless and sending you all my bestbest wishes. Stephen
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Hi @Stephen65
How are you doing? So sorry that you lost your mam. It is so evident from your post how close you both were and you cared so much for her as she did for you. My situation is different to yours as I have siblings who are supportive. However, in the weeks after mum died I felt so alone as I realised that the one person who really loved me unconditionally as she loved all her children, was gone. I tried to comfort myself by telling myself that mum is with me all the time, she created me and is part of me. I found comfort after a while knowing that mum will never leave me she is in my heart, my soul and every part of me. Although our situations are different, I hope you can find comfort from knowing that people hear you and care. Sending you support and a 
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TigerLily2
Good morning. Thank you very much for taking the time to reply. It is very hard as you know from the passing of your mum. We were very close. I do like your ideas of how we can still be close to our mums. It is true what you say. I talk to mam all the time and I continue to do as best I can knowing she would want me to do that. It would be nice to have a closer family bond.
Thank you for all your kindness and support. I really do appreciate it 
.
All my best wishes. Stephen
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Hi @Stephen65
I talk to mum all the time too and know what she would say back. I hear her saying look after yourself. Your lovely mam and my lovely mum will never leave us. If you want to chat here any time I am always on here everyday. I wake early so am happy to listen and talk 
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TigerLily2
Thank you ever so much. Like you, I always answer back for mam because I know what she would say too. It is very kind of you and thanks again for your invite to a chat. I really appreciate it and will definitely do so.
All my best wishes. Stephen
Hi @Stephen65
I hope you have a reasonable day. That’s what I hope for each morning take care
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Hi Stephen
How are you doing. Just wondered how you are getting on
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Tigerlily2
Good morning. Lovely to hear from you. How are you doing too?
In my head I want to write i am okay, but i am not really. Missing mam so much. I have so many lovely pictures of mam. Her chair was always opposite mine in the living room. When mam first passed away, I put a framed picture of her sitting in her chair, in that chair.
The other day I read about cushions from someone else who posts on here. I picked out a close up picture of mam looking directly at me from her chair. I uploaded the picture to put on the cushion cover plus paid for the insert. It came yesterday. It is really good. A large cushion and I can see mam clearly smiling across at me all of the time. It might not be for everyone but it brings me a little bit of comfort. I still talk out loud to mam all day long.
It is mam’s interment on the 3rd of June. The cemetery is only 5 minutes from where I live. Mam and dad will be in together and there is a new memorial stone that I am having put on with room on there for my name in the future.
Looking after mam as I did, we had a good routine. I miss that too. Helping and caring for mam. I have a different routine but I am always cleaning. When I first took early retirement, I started helping mam and as time went on, I took over but mam still liked to help. Dusting and helping with the pots. Helping to fold the laundry. It sounds daft, but I enjoy keeping everything clean.
It will be 7 weeks tomorrow since mam passed away. It seems such a long time already without my darling, beautiful mam. Whenever I write these, I generally cry whilst doing so.
God bless and thank you again for your care and support. Sending you all my kindest regards. Stephen.
Good morning Stephen, Like you do I have opened my Mum’s curtain and window as she liked the fresh air coming in. I would then normally make her tea and 2 rich tea biscuits that we would have together. I know what you mean about being alone. Mum and I were each others emotional support. Everything was always okay as we looked after each other. My sister’s second husband is very ill and it hit me that Mum isn’t here. I felt the lose of Mum and happy times together. When my sister’s first husband was dying, Mum was here and we supported each other. My Mum could express her feelings easily like me, but always then brought the sunshine in and everything felt okay. My Mum and I were always so connected. If we were upset we could cry together, feel better and Mum would say, “Shall we have a cup of tea?” Mum would then always say that we are lucky and everything would be okay. I told my counsellor this and she said that we co-regulated and now my safety net has gone, but I still have that resilience within me as we had done it so many times together. Thinking of you Stephen. Your Mum will be watching over you as you open the curtains this morning.
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Morning Stephen
All the thoughts and feelings you have posted are completely understandable. I’m glad your cushion brings you some comfort. A visible reminder of your lovely mam. A friend bought me one of those and it also comforts me. It is lovely that you keep the house clean as you and your man liked it. I wish you the best day possible take care
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Stephen, My Mum also used to sit opposite me, but gave up her chair for the stray cat we adopted and she adored. Like you I have a photo of Mum and I always put flowers in front of it and her prayer card. Having a pillow of your Mum is a lovely idea. My Mum loved her little home too and keeping it clean and tidy. I also took it over, but Mum liked to help out. She would say that she wanted to do what she could. I am going to start my jobs now … keeping the place clean like our Mums liked it. It helps me feel connected to Mum and purposeful, doing something that Mum valued. It sounds like both of our Mums were gentle, loving and kind souls who didn’t want the world, they wanted us to be happy and healthy.
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Thank you and the same to you too.
God bless and best wishes. Stephen.
Hello Sparrow2.
It is good to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing. It is such a coincidence that the love we both had for our mums is identical. I remember you saying in an earlier post that you had been together 53 years. A long, loving lifetime together.
Our routines were very similar in helping and supporting our mums. In fact, your lovely mum and my mam also had the same spirit, strength and determination. They were our world, but we were their world too. Our world at home doing what we did was very small, but how we loved, supported and cared for each other. Me and mam like you and your mum were the same emotionally too. Laughing together and crying together.
Simple things brought us pleasure. A coffee together on a morning. Mam liked millionaire slices and I always asked how many she wanted. One or two? She always had two. They weren’t big. Those McVitie ones. She loved them though and because she hadn’t a big appetite it helped getting some more calories into her.
Thank you again as always for your kind words, thoughts and support. I really appreciate it very much. God bless and best wishes. Stephen.
Morning @Stephen65
Just wondered how you were. Sorry I haven’t been posting on here for a few weeks. Wishing you strength and hoping you find some small moment of joy somewhere. I’m listening to the birds singing away and thinking that I should really get ready for work. Takes more time now to motivate myself. Hope you find some comfort today take care
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Hello Stephen, I’ve just realised that I did not reply. I did read your message and meant to. I am mostly functioning on the surface but much deeper within is the awful lose of my Mum that surges when I think and realise. The enormity of it makes me suppress it and then it creeps out. You are exactly right … our Mums were our world and we were theirs. Yes like you I lived with Mum all my life. It is different. Other people do not realise that it makes our lose harder. I know that mornings are difficult for you. I hope that you find some joy in a small moment today, as your Mum would want the best for you. I hope that when you open the curtains that you feel your Mum with you. I always say good morning to Mum. You capture it exactly - we both lived for our Mums. I am crying as I say that. I try to keep busy and distracted and because I am working I know it makes it easier at times but harder in other ways as I don’t always think. When I am at home, there are moments when I realise and feel alone. At work people forget that I am grieving. I think that they feel that I should be over it as on the surface I carry on. I got very upset at work yesterday and cried. I’ve only done that twice since Mum has died. I find that if someone is insensitive it can trigger me. I will have my tea and digestives biscuits shortly like Mum and I used it. Feel free to keep sharing snippets of memories of your lovely Mum Stephen - sharing and talking keeps the connection with our Mums going.
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