Missing mum and left out by family.

Hi all.

My mum died back April and it’s really only hitting me now. Had a very close relationship with mum but not so good with the rest of the family. I moved away from home when I was quite young and lived in a different city to mum. Family other than mum found it a bit difficult to accept me as I m Gay.

Mum suddenly collapsed at the age of 79 and died about a week after, only found out later how ill she was. As soon as they knew she was dying all forms of communication with family suddenly stopped. Was only accidently told she had died when I called my brother to wish him happy birthday and get an update on mum.

Manager to get hold of my sister a bit later who har taken it upon herself to be be the new lead of the family. Got told that mums not having a funeral and she is having a selective few people around her house to scatter her ashes in the garden and I was not to come. I imagine since she has ran saked mums belongings and I have very little to remember her by.

The nurses and the hospital have been great as soon as they knew i existed. Family kept me hidden from them and mum was in a coma. Arranged so I could see her after she died and made the whole strangeness of being the bad sheep of the family and left out seem a lot more normalised. Is difficult to talk about with friends as they don’t really know what to say and makes me feel a bit more shitty about the whole thing.

Realised now how much mum protected me from when it came to family but am fortunate that she got to see me grow, get educated , become independent and self reliant. A bit shit to not only loose my mum suddenly but all of my family. Was dissowned my father and his family at 13 as they converted to some OTT Christian cult. Can feel a bit overwhelming that when I think that I don’t have any family anymore, is just me in the world … Would he great to hear from others who can or cannot relate.

Since mum died I’ve done my usual coping strategy of over working, managing to get my dream job and doing really well in it. Just wish I could call her and tell her about it. Sorry babling on a bit… thanks to those who managed to read it to the end.

1 Like

Dear @Tom123

Welcome to the Community, I apologise for the delay in not replying sooner. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mum and for what you have gone through.

There is no need to apologise, this forum is all about chatting to others and getting how we feel of our chest. It is good to talk. Unfortunately, I cannot relate to all of your post only on losing a parent. Your mum would have been proud of you and to see what you have achieved and I would take great comfort in knowing that.

Have you thought about talking out aloud to you mum? There is nothing wrong with this and it can help you maintain the bond you had with you mum when she was alive. It is good for your mental health and helps you process your grief.

Sue Ryder has a Grief Guide that contains useful information and helps you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief along with tools to explore your emotions and feelings. It would be worth taking a look at when you are ready.

Please be gentle with yourself, take one day at a time and continue to reach out, you are not alone, we are all here for you.

Take Care.