It’s been almost 5 years since my family dog died (i was 18, now 23). He was my rock and it still tears me up. Last night I had a dream and I knew in my heart that he was dead so I held him and kissed him as much as I could and when I woke up he was still gone. The pain I felt was like it happened yesterday all over again.
When he was put down I held his head. I felt him slip away and I still have that image in my head. It’s the saddest thing I’ve ever felt and as much as it pained me I would do it 100 times for him so that he knew he was safe in his final moments.
I grew up in a very toxic household and would take him to my room and we would hide away till everything quietened down then we’d eventually emerge. If I was having a bad day mentally I would cry into him and he’d put his head on me and it would comfort me so much. I used to have a lot of bad thought including thoughts of harming myself (I haven’t done anything in almost 6 years now) and he was the thing that kept me sane. He literally saved my life.
I could go on about him forever. He was the most gentle, caring and compassionate dog I’ve ever known and my heart still hurts so much. I know grief fluctuates but I don’t understand why it can still feel so raw. I wish I could hug him again and smell his stinkyness again. 
Hello CharlieScott, im so sorry for the loss of your precious dog..i can understand why it still hurts so much to have lost your dog, he was your companion, it sounds like he kept you safe from whatever was going on in your home. ..our pets are part of the family, they’re so devoted, they sense when something is wrong….i gather you haven’t tried getting another pet??..i had a cat named Nellie, we had her for many years, my kids loved her, even my husband grew to love her, he didn’t much care for cats, when we had to put her down, it broke our hearts ..i have not wanted another cat since, because it hurt so much to lose her…but now since my husband passed, I’ve thought of getting a new pet, not that it would ever replace my beautiful husband, but I need company . Take care of yourself and may God bless you 
1 Like
Hi Lightmary68
I haven’t personally got another dog but I live with my partner and their parents and they have a dog. Not only that but we regularly look after his siblings dogs. I love them all but they aren’t him. Most days it’s okay and I miss him but its not too painful but others it tears me up so much and no other dog can replace him. I’ve never known such a calm dog before. I hope when we eventually move out that we get a dog that is ours so I can have another bestie 
In my mind I know the pain of losing a pet is one of the worst in the world, but I wouldn’t trade that companionship for anything especially when rescuing them from a terrible home
I’m so sorry you lost Nellie and your husband It’s probably flipped your world upside down and I send you a massive virtual hug! Although you still have your kids, they, like all children, will eventually move out (if they havent already) and I hope by then you can find yourself another cat to keep you company. Whether it’s a kitten or an old rescue cat, it will love you forever and once again it will hurt when it too passes, but you’ll always have the memories and pictures to keep them alive. Plus Nellie will have a friend up in kitty heaven to keep her company and tell her all about how you are
Thank you so much for your response and I hope you are okay
1 Like