I lost my dad on Christmas Day 5 years ago and still really struggling to cope with the loss. I went to the hospital where he was and was too scared to see him on my own for the final goodbyes and feel so guilty I didn’t say goodbye that he didn’t know I was there. I just feel so guilty and regret it everyday. I have never had anyone to speak to about it my mum had my brother and my sister had her husband and I felt so alone in it all.
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Hi @Mamma3,
Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. You are not alone. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Losing a parent category. But there you can connect with other members who are living with grief after losing a parent.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.
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Our Losing a parent page talks through some of the emotions you may be experiencing
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care and keep reaching out 
Alex
I lost my father almost 50 years ago and I still grieve for the loss to this day (which is already pretty dreadful because I lost my beloved mother six weeks ago). But let me tell you something that it took me a long time to learn which might help you. After a long while I noticed that when I was tired, my grief and my unhappiness at the death of my father was so much worse. I didn’t feel able to change what I was thinking about as I felt guilty about not thinking about him. Then suddenly one day I don’t know why, it came to me that my lovely father would hate me being unhappy and if he knew that I felt so much worse when I was tired, he would tell me roundly to stop thinking about him and go and do something else, anything else because he didn’t want me to be unhappy. I never knew your father, but assuming he loved you he would hate you feeling guilty and he would hate you being unhappy and he would tell you to stop and tell you that none of it mattered now and all that mattered was that you loved each other and that he wanted you to be happy at some point when you’re able in the future. Love doesn’t end and I am quite sure he would tell you that everything you’re worrying about and feeling guilty about simply doesn’t matter against the fact that you loved each other for all those years. Good luck and hang on in there.