Missing my husband

My husband went to bed on NY eve and died in his sleep from heart failure/covid I found him in the morning. I am very lonely and battling paperwork and long phone calls plus organizing funeral With covid no one can help. My son is with me in our bubble but I feel I need to be strong for him Such long evenings /empty chair and long days. I have only just retired so I see such loneliness /he was my best friend. I feel I am living a nightmare.


I know how you feel, I lost my husband on Christmas Eve 2020, only had his funeral on Friday 15th January. Have you tried using the government ‘tell us once’ page?

Your in my thoughts and prayers xx

Hello @C0pthorne,

I know exactly how you feel, that happened to me mid September last year. My stepson in law, who is a lawyer, helped me for a couple of days and said, you are now the executor, he was my fellow executor. I said, P…, what happens if I throw a wobbly, which means I have to have fentanyl patches & diazepam 2 mgms three times a day. He said, you call me in Singapore and I will take over.

Since the 1st October I have been so baffled that ATM I think I may have resolved his SIPP, a small amount of money, but I have yet to deal with his private investments in Ltd companies. God knows how I will get around to that.

During the funeral there were only 3 of us there, me and Jim’s sons, one of whom does not talk to me. I read the eulogy, because Jim was agnostic. P… read a poem, the other one so of giggled his was through it. That son did not say one word to me, not even we the three of us left the service. He raced to his car, where his wife, who hates me, was ready to comfort him.

You are living a nightmare. I know that, because I am alone in a large house with three dogs. Without the dogs, I might well have committed suicide. But I could not do that to them.

Amongst other things, I have to move out of this house at the end of February. In January last year, Jim and I bought another house in Scotland, because it was our dream destination. I had a house there, because I am Scottish.

So it’s a nightmare still. I have collapsed on the kitchen stone floor sobbing and battering the floor, yelling, ‘WHY WHY WHY!!!’, etc…

I have Jim’s precious things stored in the large living room and his sock and handkerchief drawer. Otherwise I have nearly 2000 feat of stuff, which I need to reduce to less than 1000 feat. I probably will have to flog some stuff, or give it to a charity shop, I have volunteered for a local horse & dog rescue for years, so that’s OK.

But COVID19 it still here and now it has mutated, God only knows when I will be able to go anywhere at all unless it’s for a medical appointment.

So we here are sisters and brothers in grief,

Love Christie xxx

Hello all
My husband passed December the 5th
Due to Covid the pain is unbearable
I feel so lonely I miss my husband so much
Love to you all xx

Do u find the days are ok -bearable - but evenings and waking is unbearable at times. What a shame we are unable to meet up with friends or other bereaved woman/men to discuss this nightmare. I am sending you my thoughts and prayers but Somehow I know it won’t stop the pain. It’s a lonely path we have to follow in Covid times.

Thank you for your reply. Family and friends tell me I am a strong woman but it’s hard to stay strong at times. I try to plan a day at a time that way I don’t put pressure on myself I find a good hours walk also helps me clear my head. I hope you are ok as early days for you in this nightmare journey.

Hi Christie. Thank you for responding and I don’t know what to say as for you it’s been a really painful long lonely isolated journey - I do hope you have support in Scotland. I can relate to sobbing on the floor and asking why why why. I keep thinking he will walk through the door and discuss football to annoy me (not a fan) and laugh at me making a face. Why why why ! I hope the move to Scotland will help you heal but I’m sure like me you will never get over it just use to it and I will still be asking why!

Hello everyone
I am finding days and nights unbearable
I wake up and try and do something in the house
Everything takes longer to do
Sending big hugs to everyone xx

My husband passed away on 20th December…5 weeks today. His funeral was on Wednesday & now I am just existing. The weekend seems so long I just wander around the house trying to use up time. I cry over everything; the plans & dreams that will no longer happen.

This site has been a blessing, to read that others are sadly travelling the same road as me has helped in a way that only those who have suffered loss can understand.

Big hugs to you all xx

So sorry for your loss
So hard to carry on without are husbands
I really struggle everyday all I seem to do is sob
Big hugs to you xx

Hi Debbie
I too find it hard to carry on without my husband. Killed in a road traffic accident in September - never to walk back through the door, tell me everything will be okay and give me a hug.

I could not face going back to work. I have handed in my notice. This is the only plan I can carryout which myself and husband discussed during the first lock-down. All the other plans and dreams lie shattered around me. There is not one day I don’t sob and search for a reason this has happened.

I am still waiting to hear from the police about the inquest date. I need it over and done. I won’t open the report, it will not bring him back. Like a time capsule I intend to take out the paperwork I need to sort probate and seal the rest.

Like so many I do not recognise the face that stares back at me from the mirror and I cannot bear to speak to people as frequently their comments send me into a downward spiral.

Fortunately our little grandson keeps me going. The fact that he will never see the granda that adored him is heartbreaking.

Take care,


So sorry for your loss
Cant see me going back to my job
I struggle all the time
It just heartbreaking my husband had Covid
Not sure how I get thru a day
Big hugs and love to you xx

Oh Sheila - know this that I feel exactly the same I can’t come to terms he went to bed and didn’t wake up. I close my eyes and see him lying there so cold!!! I don’t think I will ever feel happiness again. I know my son and stepdaughters/granddaughter are the main reason I get out of bed. I gave up work in September to retire and we had such plans now I see boredom and loneliness Our husband were taken too early and we have been robbed of our fun adventure in our retirement. I will think of you in my desperate moments please think of me. Take care of yourself

Dear Copthorne

Thank you. I will think of you, as none of us should go through such pain and regrettably only those of us in this position understand the considerable despair that we are experiencing.

Take care.

Dear Debbie

I am so sorry. Our struggle is so difficult and others not in our position do not really understand the unrelenting levels of grief that surrounds our loss.

Regarding work, you must do what is right for you. Some family tried to persuade me to leave the door open for a return to work, but for me it was not the right decision and would not help in the day to day struggles I face.

Take care and I am thinking of you.


My hubby died 26-12-2020.still raw emotions.loved him so much.have 2 carry on.x

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Sorry for your loss
It so raw pain is unbearable
We can only try to get thru a day the best we can
My day always seems the same bed cemetery bed
I can’t do much more
Big hugs to you all xx

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So sorry for your loss Sheila. Death by a road accident is so horrendous to get your head round and is a nightmare to live with. My husband of over 30 years died in a lorry crash,I told myself to forget the accident before it destroyed me but you can’t and with every lorry it comes back. The inquest will help, you will feel relief but they are not easy. I found my grief only truly came out after the inquest and 7 months on from the crash I am really struggling with life and my loss. I do hope you find some peace, trauma counselling helps.

Dear Eunice
Every night all I hear is a motorbike going back and forwards - it brings it all back and like you say it is hard to forget the accident. It torments me most nights and I have little sleep.

We were together 42 years, our wedding anniversary is approaching. Life is just unbearable. I need Ian so much and to know that this is no longer possible kills me.

Take care.

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I also find the evenings and nights are the worst, since losing my husband in November. Even though I try and distract myself watching the TV, I can feel the anxiety building up. I don’t have children, I have my two sisters, and they have been very supportive, but as you say, it’s the feeling of loneliness and coming home to an empty house. I have a dog, but she is elderly and now I worry I might lose her soon too. The lockdown means I can only meet one friend as she lives locally but there are so many hours in the day to fill, if only we were able to stay with friends etc we have too much time with our own thoughts. Sending hugs.

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