Hi Copthorne, I am so sorry for your loss! My husband died on 29th November while swimming in the sea. We were married for 40 years and didn’t have any children. I’m Belgian and all my family live in Belgium. None of them could come here for the funeral, which I had to organise with the help of our vicar. The paperwork is a nightmare but somehow it has been distracting me. I know it has to be done and only I can do it. I go for daily walks with one friend at a time and am a volunteer Marshall St the local Covid vaccination centre. I had to be strong from the start for my mum who is 93 and very worried about me. She skypes me everyday to ask what I’ve been doing. But most of the time I just cry and ask my lovely husband why he left me. It’s a nightmare. It’s so hard to be on my own in the house as we’re not supposed to have visitors. I miss him so terribly! I hope you find some consolation and have friends you can call upon.
Hello Rita2,
I am so sorry to hear of your very recent loss. It’s good you have posted on here and I am sure our other members will respond to you soon.
Please know we are here for you, Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.
Keep posting, I’m confident you will gain some online friendships and comfort.
Take care,
Audrey,
Online Community Team
Hi Rita, it’s hard isn’t it? Some days do feel better than others. I hope it’s some consolation being able to connect in places like this with people who are going through similar experiences, although of course we are all on our own individual journeys. I’m just pleased if I manage to get some sleep (doesn’t always happen). All the best to you.
I find the mornings worse, waking up and knowing it really happened, he’s not here and yes I am on my own. It’s 10 weeks on Monday since Geoff died. So so lonely!
Do others wake up feeling nauseous every day? Like an empty pit in my stomach, fear?? Takes me a couple of hours before I can bear to eat anything.
Keep saying one day at a time, but it is so very very hard to comprehend life without him.
He was so loud, always busy, always planning things for us to do, and the things I miss most are the things that used to annoy me! Oh for a bit of annoyance now😥
Hello all
Yes I have a sick feeling most off the day
Stomach in knots
Struggling so much
My husband was a little loud
He would say to me I will miss is big gob when he not here
How right he was xx
Today not a good day. Angry and crying most of the time. See couples walking past our house and just weep for what I have lost.
I do not want this different life. I want my kind, gentle husband back at my side.
Still no date for the coroner.
We have 2 think about all good times we had.
I know we do we miss them so much
Pain in are hearts all the time
Sending love to you all xx
After 4 weeks I have just had coroners report and registered for death certificate such a long time. Did all funeral arrangements this week but when I hear what I am talking about I can’t believe it’s me talking about my husband I still expect him to walk in the door. It’s been 4 weeks we have never been apart for that length of time so now I’m really feeling the loss My stomach does a turn when I have to confront this fact so I think your feeling are unfortunately normal in these awful circumstances. I can’t stop seeing him lying there I will need help dealing with it at some stage Life is lonely quiet unjoyful and boring can’t even concentrate on a book which I normally enjoy lockdown is not helping us! Sending you all hope xx
Hi COpthorne, omg, some of these replies are heartbreaking.
I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my husband three year ago this month. He was 66 and we had been married for 45 years. Life is so lonely without him, but things do get a little easier. You will learn to cope as time goes by.
Just do what you can, a little each day. Paperwork is daunting, I used the tell me once service which helped.
I also have a property in Spain which was a nightmare to sort out, in the end I gave someone power of attorney to do the paperwork for me. It took the pressure off me.
Even so I still received a letter yesterday. Addressed to my husband from his bank! It’s so frustrating.
I hope you soon start to feel more settled, and able to cope. You will get there in the end, and start to get through the lonely days and nights . Keep in touch with everyone on this site, there is so much support from the lovely members. 
I also just my husband at the end of November. He died while swimming in the sea, something he did almost every day. I won’t know the result of the inquest before the end of March. I seem only to be able to cope if I can meet one or the other friend for a walk or when I’m talking on the phone. But I just cry when I’m on my own. We had no children and all my family live abroad and of course I can’t see them. I just miss my lovely husband so much. I know a lot of you are going through similar experiences and I am so sorry for you. Thank you for reading my comments. It helps to know that I’m not alone.
Thank you jan. reading your comments gives me hope I will push through. I am strong woman ordinarily but I feel so weak and emotional. I know it’s early days and lockdown magnifies the loneliness although my lovely son has moved in with me temporarily and my step daughters are great. I will think of your positive comments when I am low knowing I have to push on. Thank you. From jan
I’m so sorry Rita, it’s heartbreaking knowing we will never see them again, I find it so hard to get my head round it. I find comfort seeing my sister as I’m in a bubble with her, but apart from one friend this lockdown means hours of being alone so I truly know how you feel, I only have my dog for company.
I just want my dear sweet husband back, life is so cruel sometimes. I only hope in time the pain will be more bearable for both of us. Take care,hugs.
Hi my heart goes out to you. It must have been a terrible shock for you and so recent .
My husband passed away next to me at night. It takes time to recover from the shock even though in my husband’s case he could have gone anytime because he had been ill a long time.
Nothing prepares you.
I had recently retired too so I wept for the years we wont have together.
My husband was my soul mate and best friend so I get what you are saying. It is a living nightmare. I have referred to that many times.
Days are long and night time is terrible as I relive the last evening together and losing him. I am so aware of the empty side of our kingsize bed. 
. A constant reminder.
When I wake I think he is still here which is the cruelest trick your brain comes up with.
Take care we will all get through this and support one another. X