Missing my lovely dad

I lost my dad in April of this year, this came after the loss of my mother two years ago. I lost my job in December of last year, where my boss died in a fire at my place of work. My relationship with my dad became one of mutual support, love and respect and I miss him enormously. The loss of my dad was sudden and quite unexpected and after the shock and enormous saddness I ‘got on with it’. and I thought I was coping ok until the last few days. I broke down and cried uncontrollably whilst driving past his favourite park yesterday, and I know realise I have been keeping everything bottled up. I am not coping, I am hurting, I can’t focus on the future and there is a blanket of sadness around me. Today everything has just hit me and it’s knocked the stuffing out of me. Christmas will be unbearable without my lovely dad and tomorrow is the first anniversary of the death of my boss and the loss of my job. Just feel overwhelmed by sadness. Don’t really know where to go from here. Regards karen

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your dad, after also losing your mother and your boss. You have had a terrible year, and it is not surprising that things are hitting you hard, especially on the anniversary of one of these tragic events.

Bottling things up unfortunately can often make things worse, but it is good that you have realised this and have taken the step of joining this community and writing your first post. Many of our users do find that it helps to have this outlet for their feelings and to know that they aren’t alone.

You may wish to read and reply to other people’s conversations. For example, we have another user called Unhappy, who has also been through a difficult year with multiple losses: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/depressed-or-grieving

If you have any questions about the site or there’s anything I can help with, just let me know.

Priscilla
Online Community Manager

Hi Kaz, your post has been brought to my attention by Pricilla. I too had a loss at end of April this year. I lost my Mum. Dad passed about 14 years ago. Like you I think I parked everything emotionally. I felt I had to do everything for her funeral and then as promised I started to decorate her lounge and have just been wondering all this time why I haven’t felt what I thought I should have been feeling.

I had a shaky start to December then pulled myself together for the family and just got on with Christmas. Christmas eve I had a meltdown, totally overwhelmed physically and mentally and it has been a bit rocky since then. Feeling a bit stronger today.

I really get where you are coming from, it’s such a sentimental time of year and it brings it all out. The floodgates open and all the pain and anger and irrational stuff just prey on you. Please do not be alone, I am so sorry that I did not see this until now. I am new to this site too but I feel a real connection with many of it’s users. We are all missing someone special, just like you.

I don’t have any words of wisdom. I have however found this site invaluable. I can post here without worrying that I am hurting anyone with my inner most thoughts and I know that there is a common ground with all of the strangers on here. Please read some of their stories, they are warming, painful, encouraging and sincere. They have certainly helped me understand some of my pain and know that I am not insane or in isolation and that sadly we all have to go through the many emotions to varying degree.

Please keep posting, don’t be alone. Feel free to private message me if you prefer. For me, I feel (Ihope) the worst is over having got Christmas out of the road. It was also Mum’s birthday on Christmas day so it was a huge milestone in my head. I intend spending the New Year with some friends and hope to make some positive resolutions. I know life must go on and yours must too. Please try to get some help if you feel you need it. Your GP is probably a good starting point or CRUSE don’t leave it too long before you start making plans to get back into the workplace. You need a new normal and not to be alone too much. I think you have a desire to be alone but sometimes it just gives you too much time with your thoughts and it can drag you down a bit.

Warmest of wishes to you, take care of yourself…

Hi I am so sorry for your loss. Please don’t keep everything bottled up.there is days I sleep and don’t want to think about my grief feel doctors etc really don’t understand. Go back to work that is what you have to do. Have so much emotions going on. I am such a loving caring person that would give my all to someone so unfortunate than me. Although I have trained to do all of my holistic treatment. I feel doing it to people I love, I feel the difficulty in myself x

http://self-compassion.org/

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