Struggling a bit lately, I lost my Dad 7 years ago, my Mom 3 years ago and since then I’ve lost a lot of friends and family too as I’m just not keeping up with the social interactions that are needed to maintain relationships. I’ve never had the greatest capacity for it anyway but I feel like I have even less now. When I first lost my Mom I shut down completely, if I couldn’t talk to her, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Then people started commenting, asking if they’d done something wrong so I had to the reassure them that I was grieving and could only function to look after my kids, not even myself properly. I then went into over drive of making sure I was acting ‘normal’, almost apologetic that I was upsetting them by grieving. None of my close friends have lost their parents so of course it’s hard to understand until you’ve been through it but I just couldn’t keep performing correctly anymore which peeves a lot of people. So now a lot of friendships have tailed off, some I’ve had for 20+ years. That probably doesn’t help the feeling of loneliness but I just can’t keep up with it anymore. It feels as though it’s expected that I should be ‘over it’ now and back to how I was before but I just can’t and I get increasingly frustrated being around people who comment on how I should be when they have absolutely no clue what they’re talking about. I hope they don’t go through it for a very long time because it’s so incredibly painful and lonely to sit in on your own.
Hello @ShellBrown,
Thank you for so bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and dad.
You are not alone. You might want to connect with @Colls10. They recently posted this thread, where they shared their experiences of losing both their parents and its impact on them. You may understand some of what each other are going through.
The community is here for you, whether you want to chat, ask advice or just get something off your chest.
Take care,
Seaneen
Hey, just replying here . I don’t know if you read my post , but my dad 2017 mum 2021 then probate and bankruptcy case up to 2024 when I finally almost collapsed and said to my wife I don’t want to be here . Ended up in crisis who sadly drugged me up and down and now my head is even more confused , and I’ve become very insecure and needy . I try my damndest to be there for wife and kids , all neuro divergent, and it’s so exhausting . I haven’t been in work for a few years and that bothers me , and I’m in a rush to get well and get a job as I’m 51 now, but it isn’t working . There’s a massive gap in me , my wife can’t fill it nor can my kids . It’s so sad . I just want to run away from me . I’ve struggled with mental health on off through life and diagnosed ASD and adhs around time lost parents . So , I feel generally abandoned and lost in a mad world that carry’s on . My wife started a new job 2 weeks ago after being at home with me for a few months , and wow , that has triggered even more losness and abandonment. I think daily how I could stop this for my family , and for me , but can’t . It’s so so hard . I hope you are holding up . I am having psychotherapy but they are with about useless mental health system and are dragging up almost trauma . It feels like maybe I don’t need that right now , and wipes me out for 2 days .