It’s been 6 weeks since I lost my wonderful Mum and I feel like the grief is getting worse and worse. It’s harder to cope now that all arrangements and paperwork (such a horrible thing to have to do) have eased off and I have more time on my own to think. The house is so lonely and lost without her, and all the love has gone now there’s just me.
I had an assessment with a mental health nurse and they advised joining my local bereavement support group, which meets once a month. I’ll go, but I don’t know if it will help but I need to try something to help me cope. I’m on the verge of panic attacks a lot of the time, and that frightens me, but I can usually manage to pull myself back from the brink, so to speak.
I just wondered if anyone else anywhere is finding the same thing happening to them, and what you did about it? Any advice is welcome.
Love to all in our difficult situation and try to keep strong.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, but I just wanted to say well done for reaching out to the mental health nurse, and I really hope the bereavement group is helpful
I’m so sorry the same thing happened to you. It’s so hard to deal with and Mums are such important people in our lives. I miss mine so much and I didn’t know it would hurt this much either. Keeping busy does seem to help, so does just getting out for a walk.
Thank you for your post and I’m sending love and hugs back to you too. Take care.
I am so sorry for your loss, its still very early days for you so its not surprising you are struggling so much.
My mum died 18 months ago, it was sudden and unexpected and we found her. Its was horrific, traumatic and devastating. I too had anxiety throughout. I also had to deal with all the paperwork, which I think did help somewhat as it helped take my mind off things for a while. I did have bereavement counselling selling which really helped me.
Just be kind to yourself, its completely normal to feel how you are feeling, and I know its a clichè but time really does help.
Hi it’s not new it’s 32 years ago but feels like yesterday I don’t think I grieved properly at the time couldn’t had a baby and four year old hope it gets easier for you my life never been the same
Sheena29 I am so sorry for your sad loss . I too have lost mum just over 3 months ago now who followed my dad who went last December. The impact of loosing both has doubled my sense of loss and losing mum is just so painful & I miss her and my dad so much, both are in my thoughts many times a day. I haven’t got a coping strategy as such, I’m letting the pain and thoughts roll in when they do & trying to continue with as much of my normal life as possible. Find myself crying, easily triggered by some unsuspecting thought or event. I, like you haven’t got any answers. I do have some glass candlesticks with photos of mum and dad in them, and when I feel I need them ‘sat with me’ I light them all. I talk to them both frequently & my candles give me a little spiritual feeling & connection that is more focussed. Nothing will bring them back. I just hope we start to feel better as the grief is exhausting. After I moved in with mum during her last year on earth there were moments -special good times but also traumatic times (cancer illness). I’m still getting flash thoughts some good some awful. I’m hoping in time they’ll turn to all good. Mostly memories of dad are good. Can’t believe they’re gone. The deep sadness we feel is a testament to the good fortune we had having such fabulous parents. Sending you a big hug xx
Hi MelodyBlue. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. To lose both your parents so close together must be really tough. I lost my Dad nearly 30 years ago and it was tough. But I was younger then and I had my Mum and we helped each other through it. We coped somehow. But my Mum’s passing was so sudden and unexpected (within 24 hours of going to hospital she was gone, she’d been in the garden with me the day before and didn’t seem to be ill at all) and that is just so hard to deal with. Like you, the crying doesn’t seem to stop. I have moments when I can function and get through what I have to do, and then the grief hits me again and I have to stop and sob. I just hope at sometime it will get easier for us to cope.
I’m thinking of you and sending you love and hugs. Try to stay strong and we can chat anytime if you want.
Hi melody blue . I’m not sure what to say time does heal it will take along time I still have my bad times and feel low think of good times you had im here if you would like to chat
The situation with your mum sounds so similar to mine. My mum was fit and well and she just died, no warning, no time to prepare, just complete and utter shock and devastation. There is no easy was to loose them, but I feel cheated that I didn’t have time with her at the end, but then other people who post on here have been with their parents through the end of life period and were left equally traumatised by it. I think when its sudden it does bring a whole different set of emotions on top of the normal ones of loose. I’m 18 months down the line and I still feel so much shock about the fact she has gone. Its so bloody hard, and I miss her all the time.
Hi sheena28 I do understand the shock side of things, although it is different. I think whatever way we loose our parents it seems like a big shock. Mum had progressive & very painful disease that could no longer be cured so we knew she had little time left but still it was extremely shocking at the end. She had parcels arrive at her home after she’d died as she was thinking of doing little creative projects & still interested enough to be thinking about the future even days before she left us. She ordered some gold paint and other bits as she was going to decorate some Moroccan lanterns for my birthday the following month. I didn’t know until my sister told me. It’s hard not being able to say goodbye isn’t it. I’m doing my best to continue communication with mum in one way or another. I refuse to accept she is completely gone. Sending warm hugs xx
Hi loubeelou I wanted to reach out and send you big hugs. I feel your pain. Losing your mum suddenly is a big shock for sure. I think the pain of loosing our mums was always going to be probably the hardest life experience you could ever imagine (for most). I keep thinking that I had 60 years of mum (&dad) & that I’m so very thankful I had them in my life so long. I feel blessed to have had parents that brought me up & then still here for several more decades whilst they also became my best friends & cheerleaders. As one of the great poets once said “it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” (Alfred, Lord Tennyson). This hurts but for me, is so true. Sending you strength & hugs xx
Hi Sheena pretty similar for me coming up to 4 months for mum, & also 10 months for my dad. The pain still feels so raw, I wonder all the time when I will start to feel better as I can cry so easily at many things & can’t get my parents out of my mind. People say time will help. At the moment I am trying to ‘get on with things’ but boy oh boy nothing feels normal. Nothing is the same. The pain I’m going through over mum, (& dad) I would have gone to mum with & she would have empathised & helped. For some months I did have that to a degree but at that time mums illness was complex & a short terminal prognosis given so we were also dealing with that for mum too. I also had anticipatory grief for mum. Hope we will gradually continue to swap our emotional pain & fill those memories with love & joy as our mums (& my dad) would have wished for us. X
You people are just so wonderful. I have never felt so alone but to get your messages has meant so much to me and given me some hope that things might begin to ease a little in the future. At the moment I just have to let the tears come, and just hope that I can hold on when I’m out, to get back to the house and let it all out. (I broke down in the library the other day, but the staff were so kind to me.)
Thank you all once again for caring and I’m sending big hugs to you all. Look after yourselves and try to keep strong.
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xx
as our mums (& my dad) would have wished for us. X