Sheena29
Same. It’s lovely to connect with you & know you completely understand. I’m sorry you feel the pain too, but we can get through it 
xx
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MelodyBlue.
Thank you for replying. It means a lot to know there are others going through what I’m going through. It makes it easier to cope with the support and understanding of others. What is it they say “the kindness of strangers”? I feel so grateful and blessed that I was lucky enough to have her as my Mum (and likewise to have had such a wonderful Dad as well, although he passed away almost 30 years ago). Since then it’s been me and Mum against the world and now it’s just me. I was blessed to have her as my Mum for such a long time and she has taught me well, although I don’t think I’m making her proud at the moment with all the tears. I just miss her so much!
So, once again love and hugs to everyone who is struggling in this club that we never wanted to join.
Take care everyone, and keep posting when you need to. X
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Sheena29 I truly believe that our mums knew this would be possibly the toughest thing we will ever go through. My mum was often warning us. I think your heartbreak shows your deep love for your mum, right now. I don’t think she would be disappointed at all, in fact she may be looking down & saying bless Sheena, she is my darling daughter, smiles, tears & all xx
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Hi MelodyBlue
You are truly a star for posting that. You have no idea how happy-sad that makes me feel right now. You have given a whole new perspective on this, which I hadn’t thought of before. You knew just the right thing to say to make me feel a bit better (even though I’m crying as I type this!)
Sending you lots of love 
and hugs and between us all, together, we will get through this. Thank you so so much xx
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Sheena29
Strange isn’t it, through our shared immense pain in our grief, we can get so much comfort from the compassion and understanding from others. It is real. Thank you for sharing and being there too 
xxx it means a great deal knowing we aren’t alone xx
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Hi MelodyBlue
It really does mean a lot to know that there are other who know exactly how we are feeling. Someone who knows that we can have really bad days (I had one yesterday) but also days that may be just a little bit better. It’s good to be able to post on here and not be judged, because somebody somewhere is more than likely feeling the same things, and there will never be negative comments from others on here saying “you need to get over it” or “it’s time to move on”. If you’ve not been through it, you can’t ever know what it feels like.
I hope you’re looking after yourself and trying to keep strong - it’s all we can do isn’t it? And we will always be watched over every day by our loved ones, until we see them all again, and I truly believe that we will.
Take care and sending up you love and hugs xx
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I recently came across this quote. I don’t know who wrote it but I think it sums a lot of things up:
“Grief is the last act of love we can give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.”
This for me is just how I feel about the loss of my mum, and I wonder sometimes if I will ever get over my grief.
I hope some of you will have a slightly better day today, and love and hugs to all xx
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Sheena29 that’s absolutely spot on xx have a great day too x
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Morning everyone.
I went out yesterday to a family function for the first time yesterday and I did enjoy it. But this morning, the guilt and the grief have just hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel now that it was disloyal to go without my Mum and it feels wrong to have a good time when she’s not here and couldn’t go with me. I can’t stop crying and thinking about her, and how alone and lost I felt, even amongst a crowd. I tried so hard to join in, but it was so hard. I just don’t know how to cope any more or what to do with myself. Will it ever get better?
Anyway, I hope you all can have a better day than I will, and I wish you all strength and courage to get through this. I don’t think I can 
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Hi Sheena, I lost my mum on Thursday early hours after a relatively short (6weeks) diagnosis of terminal lung cancer. My mum was a warrior and had been through everything in life and always came out on top. Due to a lack of communication, bureaucracy and neglectful behaviour in hospital; she had come home as that is where she wanted to die. The logistics of that were extremely difficult as she had become nil by mouth and only really wanted to take her pain medication.
The day before and of she passed, I had stayed at hers and had a frank talk about myself and my auntie essentially being hostage to watching her waste away. As the hospital had nothing set up on her release, we had to constantly surveillance her and without her even having a drink (or even her meal replacements), we knew her symptoms were always going to get worse i.e the panic, dizziness, convulsions any time she sat up or got up. I relayed it too her like she was extremely hungover with nothing good in her body and even when the pain medication is taken, she needs hydration and nutrition for them to work like our plants (we both love plants). She was clear, concise and understood, took vitamins water and was determined to get back on her feet.
The next day she was extremely tired and (again) essentially nil by mouth. The doctor came out and we all had a long conversation and she’d ordered a different type of ‘meal replacement’ and after he left she just slept the day away (but keeping an eye out for medication time). As the time rolled around, I gave her pills and my auntie came to ‘change shifts’. I hadn’t eaten all day, hadn’t washed (as she was scared of us leaving the room too long) and I was angry at ‘another opportunity’ of her not hydrating or nourishing herself had passed by. My auntie texted to say she had eaten a trifle and drank a little water at 10 pm. Then I got ‘that’ phone all from my aunt at 4:30 am, rushed to mums and she’d passed. She had another episode whilst sleeping and got dizzy, asked for the anxiety/nerve medications but the convulsion was too much and she passed quite peacefully.
The strangest thing is the confusion because we were just figuring it out together. She had regained her belief in herself that had been knocked out during hospital. I went to her flat yesterday and cleaned up a bit, my auntie came too and her neighbour came up and we all agreed it’s like she’s just still in hospital.
As her only child with no father the grief, wow. The guilt over being mad at her for not even trying to drink or eat and then the shock and loss when we were 6 weeks into a 3 month prognosis. She was my person and I’ve talked up and down these forums and it feels like hijacking (so I’m sorry Sheena), I just, like you don’t know how to process any of this or why people think you can ‘get through’ it.
I speak to my mum like she’s still here and then catch myself when no one replies. I look through her photos on her phone and cry. Her apartment is just like she’s in the other room, I can’t comprehend it. People say let the emotions flow but I don’t want to be in a place where she isn’t. During the 6 weeks I’ve had constant dreams with her in (even ones where she’s at my bedside when I’m in hospital).
I’m with you and know your pain Sheena, what scares me is that people talking years after and still have fresh pain.
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I am so so sorry about what you’ve been through and what you’re going through. It must have been so traumatic for you. My heart bleeds for you.
I can understand a little, as Mum was in the garden the day before, and then that night, she suddenly got sick, struggling to breathe. I got her to the hospital and they tried with high power oxygen but it turned out when they x-rayed her she had pneumonia, which we didn’t know about, and this turned into sepsis, which she was too frail to fight. I worried that I should have got her to hospital sooner but one doctor said it would not have made any difference. They gave her antibiotics, but later that day another doctor took me (and my uncle and aunt) into a quiet room and told us they could do no more for her. I was so naive (!) that I didn’t realise what he was saying. I thought they would make her better! They made her comfortable but she never regained consciousness. I stayed for most of the day with her, but I was dropping with tiredness and it was suggested I went home. I did and two hours later I got a phonecall to say she’d passed away - and I wasn’t with her:broken_heart:. The guilt and regret are eating me away and I don’t know how to deal with it.
I am going to a grief support group next week and I also have an assessment booked with a bereavement counsellor to see if they can help me.
I’m sorry to go on so much, but this is the first time really that I’ve spoken about what happened and the guilt I feel. I hope she’s not angry with me and I hope she still loves me because I love and miss her so much it physically hurts.
Anyway, I have probably made you feel worse (I didn’t mean to). So I’m sending you love and hugs to say I understand. Post anytime and take care of yourself.
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Hi, no worries no it didn’t make me feel worse, hearing other people’s struggles is making me feel less alone. I don’t think your mum would ever be angry at you, you were there for her when she needed you.
It’s just the ‘what if’s’ that are so hard like, why didn’t I insist on another opinion, why didn’t I insist on an IV drip more than once but at the heart of it, we have no medical experience and we are conditioned that the hospital is there to make people better.
One thing I will take from this is that they very much don’t and in open and shut cases/surgeries etc they very much do but miscommunication has been the biggest downfall from the hospital to my mum. That let her down massively. I am going to complain to the NHS (as I told my mum I would actually before she passed) because outside of the nurses and care staff on her ward, no one cared or had any empathy or understanding for her.
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Hi Sheena29
So sorry to hear about what you’re going through. It’s been over two years since my mum passed and the home that we lived in and I loved my whole life is now just a house that’s cold and lonely. Without our loved ones, there’s no feeling or meaning.
My heart goes out to you and am sending you big hugs and prayers.
To get through the days I make sure the radio is on all day, even if I pop out. Feels like someone is home with me.
I talk to mum all the time and tell her to join me when I go out. I know she’s safe in Heaven having a marvellous time out of this rat race we’re in! And I know we’ll all be reunited again with our loved ones when it’s to be.
In the meantime be kind to yourself, take it one hour at a time, even just one minute at a time. Know that your darling mum is watching over you and sending you love.
Keep posting on this group know that you’re not alone in how you feel or think.
Lots of love
B xx
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Hi Sheena29
Next time you go out, just tell your mum to join you and there’s no need to feel guilty about anything. Just because we can’t see them, doesn’t mean they can’t see us!
Just as we can’t see the roots of trees, we know they are there, there is no doubt.
So our loved ones are with us always, there is no doubt. Allow yourself to believe xx
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@Sheena29 i hear you I really do. It’s still early days it’s so soon after your mum passed, you are bound to be feeling low. Well done for going out as you do have to try and keep somethings normal and keep yourself engaged with others too. It’s definitely healthier for you to mingle with others and to get out of the house so try and see that you need to do that for yourself and I think your mum wouldn’t have minded at ll. She’d probably be pleased you weren’t sitting at home alone in floods of tears I imagine. This is a process and unfortunately we are in it whether we like it or not. So we have to do our best to accept that we will be pretty rubbish for some time yet, we will be crying and we will find it tough- but this is normal even though it’s heartbreaking and really the worst thing certainly for me - I’ve ever had to endure. I’m doing my best to keep up with as much as my grief stricken body will endure, I feel like my grief fatigue takes over and I have to sleep more than usual and even fun things are not really the same anymore. But I try and console myself that it’s temporary. I see other people have lost their parents and they’re still here, ‘acting normal’ so there must be hope for us too. I wish I could wave a magic wand for us all to wake up feeling better but sadly we have got to muddle through, and hope one morning we will wake up and feel more like we are on the other side of it. I remain hopeful, through my endless pain and tears, for me if I’m no better after 6 months of my mums passing I may go see a doc because living in misery is not what my mum (or yours) would want for us xx
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@Bottomofthebarrel my heart goes out to you. It’s hard to know what to say other than I’m also in a lot of pain from loosing mum (& just a few months before, my dad) it’s a horrible experience and I feel like I’m just dragging myself through it. I tell myself it’s normal to feel so bad. Everyone says in time you’ll feel better, but meanwhile we are just having to get by. I hope each day that passes by you’ll have more good moments & find ways of calming your sad thoughts. We’re in this together if that’s any comfort at all xx
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Hi Bean2
Thank you for your lovely kind words. It’s so hard to try to live some sort of life right now, everything is so empty without my Mum - we did nearly everything together.
Going out and coming home are some of the hardest things. When I’m out, I want to go home, but when I’m home I can’t stand being on the house on my own. The heart and love have gone out of it now and it’s no longer a home, it’s just a place to exist. I’m seriously thinking of moving to somewhere smaller that I can manage better (the bills are quite big because the house is too large for me to manage). But people say “don’t do anything in a rush, you might regret it” or “what about your memories?” But I’ll take them with me - the important ones are in my heart and they’ll go wherever I go, surely?
It’s painful everyday being around all Mum’s things, but I can’t yet bring myself to sort through them. I suppose they do bring me some comfort, but I know I’ll have to do it sometime. Maybe a little bit at a time, a couple of things here and there gradually would be best. Or is 8 weeks to soon to handle it? I don’t know what to do!
Anyway, thank you so much for caring and taking the time to reply to me and my somewhat muddled posts. It really does mean a lot to know there are others who understand the pain that we have to go through.
Thinking of you all and sending love, strength and hugs to all of us trying to put a brave face on it and trying to cope with everything xx
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Hi Sheena29
Thank you for your heartfelt message. I hear and feel everything you’re saying, there’s no peace of mind, home is not home anymore and going out is draining. I remember feeling homeless….
Yes perhaps moving somewhere else maybe an answer but somewhere down the line, there’s no rush, no pressure for anything right now, just take it an hour at a time.
Do make sure it’s bright, you’re warm and have the tv or radio on. My mums stuff around the house has been a comfort to me and two years on it still is! Now my dad’s slipper, spectacles and stuff make me smile 10 years on.
No rush to change anything at this point, just be kind to yourself 
Lots of love and hugs to you and everyone out there who’s living this nightmare at this point in time. xxxx
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Hi everyone time does heal but everyone is different I just used to tell myself my mum was on holiday or at the shops it did help me my mum died suddenly at 57 with a massive stroke when I was 23 try and be kind to yourself sending big hugs
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