Missing my mum

I’m 31 and recently lost my mum 6 weeks ago. I miss her terribly. I cant believe its happened to our family my mum was 51 it happened very suddenly 2 weeks from the time she fell ill I feel like I have been robbed of having another 20 years with her we were so close and were literally like best friends. Obviously with covid no family was allowed to visit the hospital unless it was a risk to life. I as the eldest of 4 girls was allowed to sit with my mum before they turned the machines off as my dad just couldn’t do it. The time I sat alone with my mum i really do cherish and I said my goodbye to her. I have cried but no where near as much as I thought I would off. I have a young son who was very close to his nanny and I know I stay strong for him and my dad who’s lost his wife and best friend. I just dont know how I’m coping does that make sense? I cant seem to think anything! I can talk about it and not get upset. I normally am the most emotional person you would meet but I cant seem to let go I think if I let it out I’m afraid I’ll cry and not stop. I dont know how to deal with it. I feel like I’m on auto pilot. I find it hard speaking to my friends as none have been through such heartache.

Hi. Kylielouise. Welcome to the site. I am so sorry for such a loss as yours. The heart seems to go out of us and we begin to feel despair.
Why, why we ask and there is no answer. As for emotions, give yourself time. They will come and when they do allow them in. Natures way to relieve some stress is emotions. At the moment you are in shock, and so will be the rest of the family. When the initial shock passes you may well begin to feel emotions.
Your friends, who may mean well, have not been through bereavement so can never know how you feel. There is no substitute for experience. We all know here only too well.
You were able to say goodbye to your mum. That’s important. So many lately have been denied that privilege.
Now if you want to unload or talk some more please come back. We are all good listeners, and who knows, you may be able to help others in a similar position as yourself. Caring and sharing is what it’s all about.
Blessings. Take care. John.

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