Missing my Mum

Hi Community, it’s been 5 months since my Mum passed away suddenly from a brain bleed. I am still unsure as to why or how, and it seemed like she was doing downhill all the time since a small TIA 3 years ago. It was small but really affected her confidence, and she got more and more frail and her blood pressure worse. She was slim, fit and my lovely mum and I feel upset that she couldn’t get to enjoy her life in older age as she was now a granny. I miss her a lot, every single day - it feels like a physical jolt when I realise I can’t talk to her about little things we shared all the time. There’s no comfort to be found anywhere. I write to her often about things we would have chatted about, and have even spoken to mediums which made me feel a bit better for a while, but my heart is still broken and I feel like crying often. I can’t enjoy things I used to love in the same way and don’t look forward to doing things, or even really want to do things. All I really want to do is sleep, even when am working, I can’t be bothered living and feel like I can’t see the future anymore. I was so grateful to have found some videos she had taken by mistake and love to hear her voice by replaying these, and this gives a bit of comfort as I had no voicemails with her talking. I just really miss her and want to be with her.

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Ah it’s so hard , but it sounds like you’re doing all the right things trying to process your loss. I’m eight months into my journey after my Mum died suddenly in January. I miss her presence in my everyday life to share everything with. It’s difficult but I know I just have to keep going, remembering and treasuring all my memories. I know she wouldn’t want me to be suffering and sad so I try to focus on finding something joyful to be thankful for. It doesn’t always work but at least I know I am trying… xx

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Hi community recently my dear mum irene sadly passed away on Sunday 17th September 2023 i feel really numb lost grieving very badly every day cant cope . Not getting any support from my own wife throughout this matter.

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Hi, I’m so sorry. My beautiful Mum passed just over a week ago. It’s an awful pain, today and yesterday have been difficult days, the enormity is coming in waves. You’re not alone, the community here is very supportive.

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I’m sorry to hear you’re in so much pain @Juniper8. Have you considered counselling or some talking therapy? It might help you process things and find some relief? I’m waiting on a list for some support

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Hi @Universal, i might try finding something like this, felt it was too soon before, i think sometimes i just want to talk about her. Always brought her into my conversations before but its strange to talk about her and not feel happy at thinking of her, it still feels like a shock to realise. Thanks for your replies all xx

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I downloaded a grief app tonight and so far it seems gentle, it has a journal and quotes and it looks like it’s a guide. Maybe that and some counselling? It would give you a space to reflect each day so you can take things to your session? Hope you’re feeling stronger today

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That’s just how I feel. I’ve lost my purpose and enjoyment in life.

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@Lynne58
Hello.
Thats exactly how i feel too . My mum has been gone just over 2 years and still feels like yesterday. Life is difficult without her.
Take care.
Angie x

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I will try one of the apps, I saw one but it was quite expensive, so I’ll maybe look for a similar thing that’s free. I use a journal to write to her, but a structured journal/guide might be useful xx

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So sorry to hear of your loss @Juniper8 and everyone on here. I totally understand the physical jolt. It’s not the same I know but I lost my Gran 2.5 months ago and was closer to her than anyone in my family (I’m 35 so we had a lot of years together). Spent a lot of time caring for her in her final years most days. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. It’s so tough. I’m busy with work during the week but find weekends tough when there is time to think.
Writing sounds like a good idea. I often wonder about that but haven’t done it yet. Does it help you? The grief course on the headspace meditation app I have found useful. I’ve also found it helpful to view my grief as something that needs tending too. Sometimes when I feel upset I feel dread it or get bad anxiety thinking I can’t deal with these overwhelming feelings but sometimes it’s useful to reverse it and think this grief needs some attention and that might mean crying endlessly for 45 mins and then thinking right I need to get on now and do something. Sounds ridiculous I know. Sending you love at this difficult time.

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Hi @Ems12345 yes writing definitely helps. I have a nice journal and I just write everything in a letter to my Mum that I would have told her on the phone. It’s about anything really, although am pretty sure she is watching us and knows most of what I’m telling her already. It’s been 5 months since Mum passed away, and I often wake at night feeling terrible, like there’s nothing that makes me feel better except sleep, but that can be hard to come by when you’re missing someone. So, I try and think about nice things about her. Last week, I spent the week at home with my Dad, and it’s very comforting to be around my Mum’s things. It’s like she’s still there in the house somehow. I miss her much more when am in my own flat. I think having family, pets even can take your mind off missing someone. I live alone and work from home, but that’s ok as long as I can get myself out to meet people and friends. We’ll get through it somehow, but her death is still very much on my mind, especially the hospital that night. It was stroke awareness day recently, but I feel some resentment towards the care she received over the last few years. Anyway, take care, and yes, do try writing to your Gran. She will be listening am sure. I believe my Gran helped me in life after she passed away. G xx

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Thank you @Juniper8 I think socialising and getting out is helpful. I have found with the turn of the weather working from home can be tough. Nighttime is hard too like you say. I will try the writing thing. I went on a trip to the Lake District in September, I’d never been and I did find that helped me that particular week. Apparently travelling somewhere new helps grief as it helps show your brain a new experience to process.

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Hi @Ems12345 thanks for your reply, that makes sense that to travel will give your brain something new to focus on. I have been kind of craving going somewhere new, so thats maybe why! Went with my Dad to a local island in the summer, just a day trip but felt really good to be away. Like being overseas! Im hoping to go to see my brother next year in Australia, altho am worried about leaving the cat. Silly really to let this hold you back but she’s very old (21) and was my Mum’s wee shadow. We will work somehing out xx

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