Missing my wife

Can someone tell if I will get to feel any better,my wife passed away 14Dec2019 I’m deverstated my chest hurts I cry all the time uncontrollably.We were married over 30years and were never parted I am all alone in a empty house and feeling lost. I have no one to talk to except myself I’m reaching out in the hope some one hears

Dear Peter
There are many people here who will reach out to you and try to help.
I am so sorry that you have lost your wife…it is such early days for you and all the hype over Christmas must have exacerbated your pain. There is no magic cure but time changes the awful pain to a bearable ache…we each have to walk at our own pace and time. Please go and see your doctor…there may well be some help available in your area. …if so, grab it with both hands and let others share your load.
Please take care…keep posting and reading…it does help x

I lost my Husband to cancer recently. I have 3 children and 4 grandchildren. Finding it very hard to cope right now.

Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate what you have said

We’re all listening,Peter.If you feel it will help if you see your GP then do it.There’s no harm in getting some help.I lost my Rob nearly 7 weeks ago,and I thought I was coping but things are getting worse.I keep contemplating my life without him and it makes things worse.Like you,I am alone with no friends or family near me,apart from talking to the cats!There’s always someone on here to talk to.Jill x

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Thanks Jill,I’m having another bad day I keep crying and so emotional my head hurts and I can’t understand why it won’t ease.i try and talk to myself and rationalise things Also being in an empty house as it no longer feels like a home is horrendous so low at the moment and the dark evenings don’t help. It is helpful to be able to talk to the community as you know what I’m going through Thanks

I lost my Husband 7 weeks ago and am going through the same. Its horrendous. I dont think the time of year is helping

My heart go’s out to you Valerie as if your in the same dark place as me where in for a very rough journey but together and with the community we will get through this small steps is what I’m doing unfortunately sometimes i fall backwards and have to redue them steps again and it’s hard Take care thoughts with you

It is really tough. I seem to go 10 steps forward and 20 backwards. It is so hard. Its nice to be in touch with others that are going through the same thing. I have family and friends close by but it is not the same. My house is not my home anymore.

So sorry to hear about your wife peter. I lost my partner last may after forty odd years. I find that its actually not getting any easier but harder. The only time we were apart was fridays and weekends when i was at work. Otherwise we would be up and out every day doing our thing. We liked to visit antique centres and charity shops all over the north west of england or as far as we could travel in a day. That has now all stopped as alan was the driver. We also have a motorhome which is just laid up in storage and breaks my heart to see it going green. It is very early days for you but i haven’t found christmas any worse than any other time. It is all just so horrible. My nerves are affected now which is quite a recent thing. Think its because i am not eating and drinking as much as i should. I always feel terrible in a morning and wished i hadn’t woken up. I never used to feel old and always had a smile on my face, but i don’t think i will smile again. I have family but believe you me they are of no help. A hindrance yes with there choice of lifestyle. Drink, drugs and borrowing money. My youngest son is ok but doesn’t feally do anything for me. I visit him once a week on a friday night but hes usually busy texting all and sundry on his phone. But at least that is better than the way my other 2 sons treat me and the way they speak to me. Well actually my eldest doesn’t speak to me anymore after sending his last text to me blaming me for him not being there when alan passed away in hospital which wasn’t true as my youngest tried to get hold of him. It took him from the may to the august to send that text. So i feel all alone in this world as we didn’t have any friends. We didn’t want any as we were happy being with one another. I have always been quiet anyway. Alan was more outgoing than me. Like you say the house is so quiet and the days so long. I miss just having someone to talk to. Its strange really because we could be in each others company and not talk but it didn’t matter as we were there with one another. But now it is soul destroying and when we’re not in touch with anyone is when we start to think which then upsets us and makes us sad. Take care and look after yourself but don’t expect too much too soon as i personally have gone backwards. Love janet x

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Hi Janet thanks for your reply it made me sad to realise that there are so many people having to fight this weary battle,and with so many having to do it on there own or what seems as on there own.It seems a shame that your family have not given you the support that you need at this time I can understand the pain you are going through now and like you it seems never ending.The hardest time for me seems to be at dusk just as it gets dark I get sad and really miss the company of my wife there is just a empty space in the house and my heart, I cry so much it hurts and I can’t stop, I wish it would stop I’m tired my body hurts and for eating I can’t be bothered I hang on to the belief that time will ease the pain I hope so.You take care of yourself and remember I am thinking of you at your saddest times

Hi Peter Hope you managed to get through the Christmas and New Year period without too much sadness. A stupid thing to say really. I bought a candle with stars that lit up for my Alan on Christmas day. I eat very little these days but have to try and get some food down me for my strenuous work I do at weekend. I have started to get terrible backache now when I am at work which I think is due to me not eating as I should. I took my first paracetamol in god knows how many years. When I got home and looked at the date they expired in November 2005. Anyway back to you. It is good that you cry as it is a release and shows how much you cared and loved your wife. You may start to go longer in between your crying bouts but then you start again and think oh dear I wish I could stop. That is how it is for me but everyone is different. At the end of a day I feel more drained than tired with an aching heart, but I love to go to bed to get some rest before all the sorrow and hurt starts again the next day. I suppose it gives me the strength to carry on. Please take care and look after yourself and I am also thinking about you. Janet X

hi Peter
sorry for the loss of your wife.im 10 months down the line and the only way im coping is to live like my Jayne is with me.i had to move from the house we shared for 20 years and we were together for 28 years.maybe for some they can just move on or not feel so devastated or lost.youve got to do whats best for you.all the advice you may well get is not for every one,hopefully you’ve got family or friends who are willing to listen rather than give un sympathetic advice which is of no help.
sorry im unable to tell you theres a solution to this traumatic time in your life and in so many people lives .losing the person you chose to be with and give of your self is absolutely life changing and your world come crashing down after such a loss.
your doctor or local hospital may have numbers for bereavement counselling which may help a little.
regards ian

Thanks for keeping in touch it was a very difficult time as you are aware I believe things will get better but I long for those days as I’m tired and the pain is always there.i still wander the empty house for no reason so sd

Thanks Ian sorry for your own loss, I find the words on here as a comfort as I’m having to deal with on my own and to relies that other people are on the same journey as myself

Hello Peter,
I am on my own as well.My family live 200 miles away and we had no friends.We didn’t need any,we had each other.I know Rob has given me the strength to get through this,still hard though.The tears come when I least expect them,even in public which is embarrassing!I will make a new life for myself,don’t know how yet but it will come.I just miss having someone to talk to,it’s very lonely.I’m so glad I found this group,their comfort and support has been such a help.Jill

Feeing that same pain. I lost my partner of 30 years on 23rd November 2019, he was 47 and I am 48,and I have no idea how I am supposed to get through this when I wish I was with him right now. Right this minute I am sobbing again still eternally x

Hi Jill and Rachyraca i feel so sad for the two of you as you know it’s so such a sad lonely place I feel down a lot of the time and cry as a man I’ve never ever cried as much as I’m doing now.i seem to have trouble excepting that I will never see or speak to my wife ever again so hard to get my head around.As for the house that we worked so hard to get I now question what was the point as I wander around empty no soul no life.I have to be brave but this is a relief to be able to talk to people that understand the pain that we are all going through and I can be totally honest on the way I feel without embarrassed

Hi just wanted you to know that I have replied to you and Jill together I hope this was OK as I’m not the best with computers

Hi Rachyrach
I really feel for you and what you are going through. I lost my husband on 12th November this year. It is an awful time. Christmas and NYE was terrible. Unfortunately we all have to get through this somehow. Small steps each day. I feel your pain xx

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