Missing my wonderful Dad

i found this site today and this is my 2nd posting. ( I replied to a member earlier )My Dad passed away at the beginning of January 2017 suddenly and unexpectedly.
His funeral was delayed for a month for post mortem.
Prior to this, some months earlier I had a very vivid dream about him passing away ( not ill) people who were in the dream were present the morning he passed away at home.
I didnt speak of the dream at the time ( as I always think if you speak it something will happen ), but now I am wondering someone was sending me a message as if this could all have been avoided ( I can only think that it was his mother (I never met his father, he died young )) - my dads haemaglobin had been dropping ( under care of gp) and now am thinking, especially with this dream we could have done more.
There are very few people to discuss this dream with ( upsetting for some ).
I am picturing him everywhere and ’ still’ am asking why ? its so unfair.
He had so much life left and we have been robbed. I feel so sorry for him. Am constantly questioning am I thinking and feeling what I should be now ? but then I say to myself I am just feeling how I am feeling.

Hi Dovedale im very sorry for your loss .Everybody deals with loss of a loved 1 in different ways .My advice is this try 1 or all 3 of the following .1 go see your gp .2 ask gp about CRUSE bereavment councilling 3.phone the samaritains to offload (i do all 3 ).This special club youve joined can help you because there are people on here that have lost there Father .Dont be a stranger keep coming back (i do ) Colin (im57 my wife was 41 she passed away march last year on her birthday )

1 Like

Hello Dovedale and a warm welcome…

You’re not alone in your ‘we could have done more’ thoughts…we all wonder what we could have said or done differently when we lose a loved one.

As colin p has suggested, if you feel you need some additional support outside of this forum, please do see your GP and ask about counselling or have a look at the Cruse website http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services

Some people also find it helpful to get involved in other conversations with people with similar experiences like this thread here from @Karen cavanagh who also lost her dad quite suddenly https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/sudden-death-my-dad-1

I do hope you find the support you need.
best wishes
Nancy

1 Like

Nancy,

Many thanks.

Hi. I’m sorry for your loss. My dad also died suddenly at the age of 43 in 2015, he had a heart aneurysm. He wasnt ill or anything and I saw him a few hours before. I too experienced some weird “signs” but not until it was too late. The moment he passed (which i didnt know was then until later) everything kind of came over grey and what was a sunny day dissapeared and i felt this horrible feeling of something I cant explain and my dad popped into my mind. later when we found out what had happened my fiance drove me to where dad had died and there was actual, and yes I mean ACTUAL, road signs that had been put up, there was a religious one about jesus dying saying something along the lines of people passing will go to a better place without pain and another was a sign saying follow this diversion highway closed that someone had graffitied on saying “follow this for highway to hell” everyone in the car just sort of looked at each other knowing that my dad had driven the exact same route and seen all of these things, some of which i cant remember. and yes its a possibiltity these things were “signs” to prevent something but its also a way our minds can try to wrap themselves around something as horrible as death to understand it. I’m a spiritual person whos also into psychology so I try to look at it from both sides.

Ive also questioned thousands of times in my head what I could of done to save him. eventually I always come back to the same conclusion, nothing. He would of told me I was being silly and he also hated going to the doctors so i doubt he would of gotten a check up either. As someone who suffers from anxiety I also see signs somethings wrong when everythings fine, so its hard to say that the one time im right I could of prevented it from happening. If ever you need to talk I’m here for you. whether its about these signs or the loss of your dad.

xx

Back to top