Hi Rose Garden,
I got told by my counsellor, that i need to give myself ,some of the love i give to my wife.
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I’ve been given a book by a dear friend of mine called “ the boy, the mole, the fox and the horse” . Classed as a children’s book it has advice in there that helped me a lot
“ often the hardest person to forgive is yourself “
“ being kind to yourself is one of the greatest kindnesses”
I recommend it.
Peter
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I have not thought of that.
Such good advice, very touching.
Thank you
I love the work by Charlie Macksey who created that.
I watched a documentary about him.
A very nice and interesting man.
I’m on my own at a national trust garden. It’s a bitter sweet visit as it’s one we used to go to regularly.
To be honest I’m not sure if I’m pushing myself too hard. I imagine me and Bridget here together. She loved this place so much and it’s hurting knowing she’s can’t be with me. So I walk around in the beautiful scenery and watch couples young and old and feel alone.
But I’m sure she’d like me to be happy and content. But I can’t have what we all want - our love ones to return and take up where we left off. To be a couple again and love one another.
Peter
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Hi, thats how i feel when i do Alnwick Gardens. The first couple of times,i was in tears. The next i just thought whats the point without Sue. Went for a coffee and a sandwich and felt sick.( not the sandwich fault). Just sat on my own and seeing everyone around me and thinking i used to be like you, happy and content.
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Hi Julia12, Really sorry to hear of your losses and sadness it brings. I cant believe just how many similarities we have,I lost my wife to cancer too, about 4 and a bit years ago and we too met at 17 and were married for 47 years and since then I;ve lost my best pal, who was best man at our wedding and also lost my step dad. Just one big knock after the other isnt it. I’m still in shock I think as you probably are as well and I still cry most days…sometimes something triggers it off,a song, a memory, something on TV or quite often things just seem to hit like a ton of bricks just out the blue and off I go again. I hope you will get some comfort on this forum, as we’re all here to support each other and share advice etc, I know I do. Take it a day at a time, take care
Ah, but you see, one day, near or far, it’ll be their turn to grieve and be shook out of their complacency.
No one want others to suffer like us but it’s inevitable. I never for one moment thought I’d become lonely and doing everything on my own.
I’ve had that thought myself. 50/50 on that. There’s always going to be a griever or a victim. I never for one moment saw my life like this when my wife was only 49!
Hi George73,
Yes,we do have a lot in common as far as grief is hurting us. No one can prepare us for the loss of a husband or wife that have been our whole world. Family and friends try to help , but you are on your journey, alone. You miss them always being with you, a smile or a hug.
I am grateful that I have found Sue Ryder Online Bereavement Community in order to communicate with people who are going through this difficult journey. It is not easy to find people who understand.
My mum and my younger brother would be the people I would get support from but sadly they too have died .
I went to a garden centre this morning, had a coffee on my own, bought plants and then cried in the car on the way home.
Thanks for listening. Hope your day has been okay .
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Hi Rosegarden,
Thank you for caring. I am so grateful that I have found the Sue Ryder Community. It is so helpful to talk to people who really understand how difficult it is to cope with grief.
I hope your day has been okay.
Take care
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It’s nearly 12 months since I lost my Bill and I’m still in bits. We were only married for 10 years (he lost his first wife). I still can’t get used to him not being here and I hate this life without him. It’s not even a life, it’s an existence. I don’t have any family of my own and although Bill’s two have been good they have their own families and life goes on as normal for them. His daughter lives a couple of hours away and although his son is local I don’t see much if him. He didn’t visit his dad much when he was alive - too wrapped up in his wife’s family so I guess I’m not that bothered if he doesn’t call.
People keep telling me I need to get out. Why - I don’t want to go for coffee on my own or visit a garden centre on my own. Bill and I did everything together and to go out without him with me is, at the moment, unthinkable.
Maybe it’s just me, but that’s how I feel. Little things just set me off and I end up in floods of tears. I really just want to be with him but there’s nothing I can do about that. The thought of being here much longer on my own is terrifying - I don’t want to do this anymore.
Sorry to go on but there is no-one else I can rant to.
Sending you all my love and hugs
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Hi Harriet4Bill,
I am only on week 15, but i know how you feel. I have done the coffee and sandwich on my own and walks around Alnwick Gardens and so hard. I just sit there with my head down,hoping nobody sees my tears. The walks seem pointless without someone nex to you. Its so hard this new life. I just hope one day are mojo comes back. We will never forget are loved ones.
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Harriet it becomes just an existence when u lose yr husband, as iv found out. & my husband died over 7 years ago
People tell me 2 get out, what 2 sit in a coffee sop on my own, or go shopping.
People do what they want 2 do, & they soon forget you r on yr own.
Just take each day as it comes.
Hear for a chat, if u need 2 talk.
Pauline
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Harriet, Going out on your own is lonely, I am lucky, there is a Bereavement Cafe in my village that meets once a month I was doubtful and said to the organizer as I arrived for my first meeting, that I might just get up and walk out, he said OK and if you want to come back in after 10 or 15 minutes please do. I find it helpful to me. In the village there is also Pickaflick, once a month, which is a film with a light lunch on tables that sit 6 to 8 so you end up chatting to people. I am lucky as I accidently joined my wife’s book club that meets once a month and I am still a member.
It is much better meeting people when you go out and getting some social interaction. Please have a look round where you live, Try the local library or google it. I find that these things have made a big difference to me.
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It is very lonely being on your own all the time
My family are really close by but I don’t see much of them .
I too agree that this isn’t a life it’s just an existence very sad very miserable life will never be the same again
It’s been 19 months for me
Thinking of you and all the others in the same situation x
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I understand you completely and so sorry for your loss my fiancé was 51 we never got married and was only together 3 years so sad I managed to get out last night with his friends party but felt alone when I got home then came the tears and raw emotions he should still be here DJ himself and being with his daughters so sad x
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Sorry for your loss it’s nearly 2 years for me lofe can be so cruel took my DJ fiancé July 23 only 51 never even got married lofe is so cruel xx
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Great idea. Glad u put it on here.
Rob05
I know what you’re saying and you are lucky to have places to go to and you actually want to go.
Unfortunately, there is nothing like that where I am.
As I said, Bill and I did everything together, we shared everything and I have absolutely no inclination to go out on my own. We all deal with bereavement in our own way. I don’t have a family of my own. My neighbours have been good. I just wish that people would stop telling me what I should be doing. I know they’re only trying to help but at the moment it doesn’t.
I don’t want to upset anyone and I realise that some won’t agree with me and that’s ok.
I love Bill and miss him more than I thought possible and I guess I have to work it all out in my time. It’s so much harder than I thought and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.
I send my love and lots of hugs to everyone
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