Mixed emotions

It’s 4 weeks tomorrow since I lost my Rob. I have so many emotions going around it’s unbelievable. I feel angry : why didn’t he say or do anything he must have been in pain it was a heart attack that took him we found the day before he had been researching symptoms and recovery of heart attacks .
I feel lonely: the house has always been a noisy house now it’s so silent and still even the dogs are quiet.
I feel lethargic : my quality of sleep is rubbish
I feel punished: I think have I been punished for anything I may have done ,said or acted in the past is this my punishment .
What option have I got but to deal with these emotions

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Hi. Kazzer. Please try not to feel you are being punished for some so called ‘sin’ in the past. It just is not true, and you will upset yourself unnecessarily.
We can all look back at some misdemeanour we committed at the time thinking it right then. Who do you think is punishing you? Whatever is out there awaiting us all is so full of love that the very thought of punishment does not exist. Four weeks is so little time. Yes, you can deal with emotions by allowing them to come. For some time it will all seem bad and the pain will be great. We all on here know about that. There is no method in grief. It is a process that will run it’s course, but to tell you this at moment that the pain will ease a little may not give much comfort. You are in the right place and among friends. Please come back and talk whenever you feel the need. We all know and care. Blessings. John.

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Jonathan123 thank you for your kind words I don’t know who I feel is punishing me ( I don’t believe in god) it’s just a feeling or thought I have along with the many others . I know they say time is a grate healer but when things are so new and raw it feels they will never ease or go away .

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Kazzer, my heart goes out to you. 4 weeks is still early but I can tell you it will get a little easier to cope with. I lost my partner suddenly from Cardiac Arrest at home in April and some days I still cry all day long. The first thing to realise is that you are in terrible shock and that takes time to get through. I still go over and over in my mind about things I should have noticed and the guilt I feel sometimes is unbearable. The pain is so intense, that it can make us believe we have done something we are being punished for and everyone else is just carrying on their normal lives. Grief is devastating and comes with so many emotions to work through. I hope this helps x

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Margaret 1 thank you for your reply and yes it has helped. Sometimes we just need a bit of reassurance and the best people are those that have experienced it for themselves . Thank you again Margaret x

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I too lost my Husband similar to your devastating experience. I still feel anger and experience the same feelings and emotions as yourself 6 months down the line. I know they say it the stages of grief and it is part of the process but its little comfort when you feel the full force of the waves of grief that are never far away. I just try to keep busy as a distraction. I make myself goals they only have to be small ones to cope with everyday life without the one you love. My thoughts are with you.

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When my husband and my two dogs died within a three week period I too felt overwhelmed by the assault of so many bewildering emotions. It is all part of a normal reaction to loss so don’t beat yourself up about it.
Counselling will help you make sense of your emotional reactions. Sue Ryder offer it as do Cruse Bereavement Care -
https://www.cruse.org.uk/
I got counselling from Cruse when my husband died and it helped enormously.