Mixed emotions

My husband past last week since then I have been all over the place which doesn’t help as I have bipolar
It was the week anniversary last night that was painful
Since he died I just can’t get the image of him passing out of my head
Also having flash backs off when he was ill for 6 months
Now tday I keep having visions and hearing him how he was before cancer
Its just a rollercoaster of feelings
Marie c

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@Dotty666 hi I am so very sorry for your loss its so heartbreaking to lose our soulmates and having mental health issues on top of that is so hard I lost my beautiful pauline 58 days ago I have extreme ocd bpd and depression so I can relate you are in the early days so it’s still so raw for you keep posting on here you will get support from the community we all understand you will be all over the place with your emotions I know I still am reach out whenever you need to I hope you have support around you stay safe take care my thoughts are with you

Hi Casey
I’m so sorry for your loss it is so difficult with a mental illness
I have relapsed a few times over the past year but with me have to nurse Ian through cancer I had to bring myself back
I can feel myself sinking again but I know he woudnt want that
It is early days it feels like it’s been months
I am lucky I do have alot of family and my CPN there for me
I must admit I’m anxious about the funeral and the days after I hope people don’t forget about me
I feel a burden most of the time
This forum is really great there’s always someone to listen day or night it is a real comfort to me
You take care stay strong
Marie x

@Dotty666 hi I was anxious about Pauline’s funeral and how I would cope I cried like a baby but it went well she had a good send of and I’m sure Ians funeral will go well and you will do your best for him as for relapse you are a strong lady and will pull yourself back and I’m sure people won’t forget about you and you are right there is always someone on here to talk to I’m often around my sleep is pretty erratic so I’m often up late please take care of yourself and stay safe and please don’t ever feel you are a burden on anyone because I’m sure you are not we can’t help having mental health issues you are In my thoughts sending hugs

Hi Casey
Thankyou for your reply
58 days is still new for you
To be honest how ever many days is new
I feel completely lost I feel like I have no purpose for 25 years I have always been busy looking after my family
Now I just don’t know what to do shall I go out for a walk or May be get some groceries there’s no point there’s only me I have a freezer full of stuff mostly stuff Ian liked it upsets me to go in
To I stay in because I’m scared incase something reminds me and I break down which I did the other day
I’m just in a daze
I want to talk to family and friends but then I don’t I can’t win
Before Ian got diagnosed I was drinking quite alot but the day he got diagnosed I stopped the same day and haven’t had a drink since
Ian was so proud of me

The thought of drinking again is popping in my head to forget
But it’s not what Ian would want
I have already been told not to have a drink at Ian’s funeral but I possible will want to have a couple that’s what Ian would want but I don’t want people judgeing me

I have had no help what so ever from he’s side of the family
They haven’t helped or paid for anything
I’m so confused about everything

I am not sleeping to good either I woke up I thought I was stroking Ian’s hair but it was my cat I just broke down
I could go see my friend but she drinks and I would start

You take care I’m always here
Marie x

@Dotty666 I know exactly what you mean about going shopping I broke down in the supermarket the other week while talking about pauline and I have a drawer full of chocolate that was for her I don’t eat chocolate I can’t bring myself to throw it out yet though I usually grab a sandwich when I’m out you will have to go shopping at some stage and if you break down that’s OK I hadn’t drunk for over 15 years but after her funeral I had half a lager shandy I have been wanting to drink since but I won’t let myself well done for giving up the drink you can keep it up and if you have a couple after the funeral that’s OK no one has any right to judge you and if they do they are not worth worrying about all that matters is you give Ian a good send of and take care of yourself he would want you to be as ok as you can be with what you are facing could you see your friend and her maybe not drink around you also you will feel like your in a daze I do most things on autopilot it still feels unreal to be going through this it still hits me that she is gone and not coming back Ian loved you and was proud of you and you love him and you will do him proud I believe in you and I’m here for you to give you support I’m sorry his family have not helped in any way that’s a real shame stay strong and believe in yourself as Ian did in you take care and stay safe I’m always around anytime you want to talk