Morbid question...

For us of the now older generation, a question, due you remember when we were younger when we heard of an elder losing their hubby or wife, it was not long after we heard that they too had died, we had always assumed it was due too being heartbroken, well whatever the reason this is a fact, so many bereaved elderly ( i am now one of these ) never seem to last many years after the loss of their beloveds…


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Hi. Jackie.
The answer to your question is we don’t really know. But why do you ask? Tears, pain, loneliness and suffering are all part of the grieving process, but morbid questions with no answers are not.
We don’t have to think that way. It can lead to thoughts of death and whatever that grow like mushrooms overnight. Before you know it you have field of them.
Such thoughts can only drag you into despair and that is a very nasty emotion because we tend to give up altogether. I read your posts and the pain you are in is self evident. But it’s easy to make matters worse by dwelling on one subject.
There are many uplifting posts on this site and although all our circumstances differ a common thread emerges. It IS possible to find some peace, given time. Yes, time is the problem. There is also that light ahead, faint though it may be.
I found it so difficult in the beginning, but I didn’t have a health problem to deal with as you have.
I can only wish you well and offer prayers and thoughts.

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my grandfather passed away on my 4th birthday, New Year’s Eve, my gran was only 52, she passed in the April as she would have been 90 in the July, she missed my grandfather, more so on my birthday for obvious reasons. up until she was 78, she was the captain of the ladies darts team, when I look at her life, and it was a hard life, she wasn’t defeated not did she give up. I hope I can live this different life that lies before me with the strength and determination she possessed.

my dad passed away 13 years ago at the end of November, my mum has undergone gall bladder removal and earlier this year hip replacement surgery, she still misses my dad daily yet she still lives her life as my gran did, with strength and determination.

this is what we should be doing , neither my gran nor my mum gave up, and neither shall I

hope today has been an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today



My Nana died November 1974 and my Grandad died January 75.He had Prostate cancer but never told anyone.He couldn’t live without her.

My friends nan and grandad died one day apart from each other neither had been ill. Her grandad died of a sudden heart attack. A day later her nan died in her sleep. They had been together for 70 years

Hi Jen. You are so right and thank you for an uplifting post. I always feel that how we handle grief is according to our temperament. My wife always had, even at the end, a positive attitude. I know what she would have wanted me to do. My paternal grandmother was 101 when she died and had such an attitude all her life. She brought up 8 kids and went through two world wars. Some might say well, that was her, this is me. But my firm belief is that we all get the same share of courage. It’s not given to one and denied another. It’s tapping into it that’s so difficult.
When we are in grief courage is about the last thing we want to think about. It all seems impossible.
But as far as I am concerned giving up is not on my agenda. I know I’m being watched and my wife would not want that.
Now take care and I do hope your mum feels better… Blessings.

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