More sledgehammers

Normally I’d come home to flowers in the porch on Valentine’s Day. Today I received the coroner report for his heart. Ironic. This wasn’t for the reason he died it was the report that gets sent for whoever to piece together what happened. Also to advise his family for cardiology screening. The outcome could take 4 months.
I ventured to get myself some flowers and pink fizzy wine and something nice for tea. That’s just what we would have done. On the verge of what was possibly some sort of panic I wanted to bolt right out of the shop. I’m still not eating much so that was a bit of a waste. If I told anybody else this the would possibly think I’m unstable but I cooked and sat at the table with my flowers, his ashes a photo and my pink fizzy wine. To be honest I couldn’t eat through the tears anyway. I miss him so much. I feel like a terrified child. Sending lots of love to you all today. From my broken heart to yours xx


Love and big hugs to you. It will get a bit easier in time but I don’t envisage myself getting much better now after two years but I do hope so.


Feeling like a terrified child is so accurate.
Love and hugs to you xxx


Yes @Kellymet @Oct7 a terrified child is spot on!! It’s as if I’ve entered the twilight zone, everything feels strange (in a bad way) & the frightening part is this is the new normal now.

@Kellymet you did so well in going to the shop & cooking your meal, give yourself credit on this difficult day!
Love & peace xx


What a horrible irony.
Sending you hugs and love. xxx :heart:


For me, just a month after my husband died suddenly at 56, I am sitting here with no heating and a dishwasher thats blocked and floods the kitchen. Im sitting in tears feeling hopeless helpless and alone and scared. Steve would normally have fixed everything in a flash. I feel so stupid that I cant do it, cant cope with simple things. I just can’t cope with life.

Someone said grief makes every problem/issue a million times harder and its so true.

I have arranged Someone to look at dishwasher tomorrow. Dont really need it working but need it to stop flooding.

Went to my next door neighbour who is a property developer who has given me a number of a guy he knows.

So hopefully it’ll get sorted but the sheer task of sorting it overwhelms me.

Just cant cope at the moment. Just to top it off a distant in law has sent me a plant today and when I took it out the box all the soil fell all over the floor so time to clear that up too.

I just can’t be bothered anymore.


I think we all understand your distress. Since I lost my soul mate I have had several things in the home go wrong, all of which Paul would have dealt with no problem. Each time it happens it only emphasises what you have lost. After over two years I have had to decide which new boiler to buy and I have to wonder what Paul would have chosen. I have made the decision now and I feel more able to cope. I hope things get a bit easier for you each day. X


Sending hugs @dietcokegirl84 and completely getting what you said as similar problems have happened here BUT you DID deal with it so stand up, take a bow and have a rest. xxx

Yes, those major decisions can flatten us can’t they. Another grief ambush.
Sending love xxx

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Yes, haven’t even bothered with a shower today and im just waiting for bedtime. Texted my daughter just saying i was having a bad day and im sure she thinks for gods sake mum stop moaning and get on with it. Hate dumping my grief on my kids and I don’t think they understand how hard it is.

Yes I’ve hopefully got dishwasher sorted but no one has returned my call on the heating and thats my major concern.


Can not cope anymore my Husband passed away nearly 4 months ago just got a letter from Department for work and pension saying we are sorry to hear that your Husband has died and apologise for having to get in touch with you at this time we are writing to say your husband was over paid daily living and mobility payments which need to be payed back they said incorrect payments can be made after a person death for a number of reasons and we fully accept that such payments are not made as a result of anyones fault so angry i filled a tell once form out on line and sent it to them why wait untill now so angry with them

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Thats terrible. My adult son has special needs and dealing with DWP has been a nightmare. Im his carer and work v part time. They reckoned id been overpaid by them for over four years. Took then four years to contact me and there were only a few times I’d been overpaid but they wanted it all back.bTook them two years to arrange a repayment plan and only just started. They are so bad.

I feel for you so much. It gets to the stage i hate the post as it usually means I’ve got to sort something out. Companies are so cold and brutal and takes forever to speak to someone.

Everything is just such hard work.


I did tell us once too including dvla. Steves car apparently cannot be driven as in his name. Road tax should be refunded so it can go in my name. Im insured to drive it but no contact from dvla. Its terrible customer service.

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I can not understand why they left it so long to get in contact with me we do not need this on top of what we are already going through so sorry to hear what you are going through my Husband over payment was for only 3 weeks was told because the payments are set aside to be payed into our bank acount they could not get it back it not are fault it happens that way

Wayne was the fixer the voice of reason the everything will be okay man. He was always doing jobs around the house. So many remain unfinished. I found two planks he had painted just after Christmas. They are still sat in place as I have absolutely no idea what they were for. We had a van we used to spend time camping out in with the dogs. It broke my heart but I’ve had to SORN it. I’ve managed (well Wayne’s son did) sort the car into my name and do tax and insurance. There is finance in it in Wayne’s name still mind.
I don’t even know when the dogs are due their flea and worm stuff. This breaks me because his favourite thing in the world was these dogs.
The future is very uncertain as I had said no to going on the mortgage. I was being miss independent all them years ago. He never changed or named anybody on pensions and all that crappy stuff. Why would ya when you have all the time in the world.
The world has tilted. I’m sending love to you all who hear and understand. Xx


Hello everyone.

My heating still isn’t working-engineer has been but needs parts so a cold weekend ahead -at least we have hot water. I live with our adult son who has learning disabilities so hopefully they might take that into account and fix it sooner.

On another note I picked my husbands ashes up today. Surreal. As I carried him across the car park i thought here i am carrying the love of my life home. It just doesn’t seem real.

I’ve got terribly low. I’ve booked appointment to see regular gp on Monday. I feel so broken. I thought today oh well another day done, a day nearer to being with Steve again. Im 55, i was full of life and joy and always positive. I don’t think that girl exists anymore x


@dietcokegirl84 it’s just awful isn’t it. When I picked Wayne’s ashes up I drove home with my hand on the oak box with tears streaming.
I to feel like the old me doesn’t exist. We were always out and about. We live in the Lake District so we made full use of it.
I’m having some very low days lately.
Always here if you want to chat anytime. Please feel free to reach out. Sending love to you x


I so feel your pain…:broken_heart:

@UnityMan I’m sorry you find yourself here :frowning:


Yes, i have no interest in life or living anymore and its only been a month since Steve died. I don’t feel my kids understand how bad it is although they’ve lost their day and I hate to dump my emotions on them. I feel quite disappointed in my daughter- she’s very much i have my own life, time, distance and money to get to me always get mentioned. She lives 3 hrs away. Just thought I’d have more support. Just think to myself no one cares or understands so i just say im ok.

Im most certainly not.