Moving forward

Hi. Im really new to all this so please bare with me. In may 2020 during the lockdown at the start of this pandemic i lost my mum. It was and still is heartbreaking and as a family we had to pick and choose who could come to her funersl due to the restrictions st the time. So, as s family we slowly try to wrap our heads around the fact thr glue to our family was gone. Fast forward to say august last year, my dad tokk unwell with a sore back, or so we thought, again fast forward to december and we got hit with the devastating news my dad has cancer and has weeks to live. My heart broke even more, but as the oldest child of the 4 i had to be strong. We get through to my dads 60th birthday which is 2 days before christmas all was going as ok as it could, yes dad was in pain but that was being managed, christmas day comes and we have to make the heartbreaking choice that a hospice is the best place for dad. We are young children ages are from oldest me at 32, then 28, 24 and 13. I head home to my own family around 11.30pm christmas day night and by 4.21am my sister has called to say my dad has died. Our hearts our wripped apart once again. I cant seem to get passed the whole thing to be honest, the feeling of dread when i shut my eyes that il miss a phonecall. I hate leaving my house as again i dread something bad my happen.

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Hi, your pain is very visible in your post and please we are all here for you. The one question I have is “have you aloud yourself to grieve?” It seems that you have spent all your time and energy in supporting every member of the your family and not given yourself a thought. Grief affects everyone differently and sometimes we bury it, kind of park it to be dealt with later and that later may be now. It’s just a thought, if that’s helpful or not, perhaps then thinking of counselling. Cruse and Sue Ryder both offer around 6 sessions and they are free. Most of all look after yourself and remember we are all here for you. S xx

-https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling
-https://www.cruse.org.uk/

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Thank you for your replies. Its massively overwhelming for me the kindness in your posts. In answer to 1 of the questions either of you asked i dont think i have given myself time to grieve i have been too worried about every1 else and trying to get them through it. I guess tbh i get that from my parents. I have today taking steps to help, i did this for the first step secondly i spoke with my gp anf now im off work for a wee while longer and thirdly i have spoken to someone at cruse who was lovely and kind and supportive and im now waiting to get some more one to one suppport from them. I know im doing the right thing for me and my family snd to help me understand my feelings and help me move forward in some way.

So sorry for your loss. It’s devastating. I lost my mom unexpectedly two weeks ago. She was only 58 and had no ailments. She got cardiac arrest and in one moment everything ended for us. Mom is my everything. I’m so lost without her. I need her the most. I don’t know how I am going to live without her.
Reading other people’s posts are helping me. I would recommend you to do that as well.

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Well done, now you can be proud of yourself and start living for you. Please just don’t over do it, little steps and take it slowly. Big hugs and blessings.

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