its been 3 months nearly since I suddenly lost my wife, when I go out walking or see other people I manage to control my tears but when I come home to my empty house I feel overcome with sadness, I have no children or friends and although the house is empty her belongings are everywhere, but I cant face removing her clothes as it would seem I am moving her out, and I hate the thought of that, is it ok to leave her belongings in the wardrobes forever or would that seem weird?
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So sorry for your loss , it is also 3 months since I lost my husband . I also have clothes and belongings of my husband’s still in the house . At the moment I can’t face removing them . I don’t intend to keep them for ever . I will know when it’s the right time to sort them out . I expect it will be the same for you
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Hello, it’s entirely your choice, I have my husbands ashes in our home & curtains items of clothing etc & I don’t intend on removing any of them, yes I’ve been judged on it but I think as we are the nearest & dearest we are entitled to do what we want.
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Peter72,
You are still early in your grief. There is no time limit on moving things. Some people get other people to do it for them. Some people can’t get rid of anything. We all grieve differently, so you just have to do what is right for you. There is no right or wrong way. Just look after yourself.
Take care
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I read last night about the vomit test. Life will never be the same and will be so difficult for a long long time. The advice was to take things at our own pace. If the thought of doing something makes you feel physically sick, it is too soon to do it. Made sense to me - I lost Mick 7 weeks ago. I feel sick at sorting his clothes BUT could empty his socks drawer by his side of the bed so that I could keep his ashes there… Nothing makes any rational sense atm, we just have to find our own way… Take care x
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Sorry for your loss . It also makes me sense to me as well. It’s 3 months since I suddenly lost my husband. As yet I haven’t managed to sort all his clothes and belongings out . However I have been able to sort somethings out like small drawers with socks.
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It’s so individual. I’m a de-clutterer type so I gave away/threw away stuff w/ in 6 months. I did keep, however, things that were him, his raincoat, some sweaters, a pair of shoes, his robes (I sleep w/ one next to me). Stuff I especially knew and loved him by I can never part with. I put the clothes in dresser drawers.
Its 5 months since my lovely husband passed and I have just started to clear some of his wardrobe. Moving on clothes which he rarely wore hasn’t bothered me, most have gone to our local hospice shop or I have sold them on Ebay with any funds raised being added to the donation I am making to the hospice. It was what he wanted so thats what I am doing. However some things I cant move on. They were his favourite things and I am sure I will always keep them. I can see them hanging there in the wardrobe and in some ways it is quite comforting. Do I care if people think its strange ? no, not one bit!
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It’s entirely your decision whether you keep your wife’s clothes or not. If others think it’s strange, that’s their problem. Your grief is still very early. I’m three months in and still have all my partner’s belongings. That might change as I will probably lose the house and have no choice in the matter. If I could I’d keep them forever they were part of his life. Strange one. as I always called him a hoarder.
Yesterday was the fourth Christmas and Birthday as a widow.
We who are still here have all moved on now. I have got used to being on my own.
People rally round now and i am trying to make things fit in with my interests.
His clothes no longer sit in the wardrobe.
Letters don’t arrive for him. He has now moved into my other life. I am 81 now.
Still tryjng to move on
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I wish I could have sold some of my husband’s clothes. I swopped some of them.
I gave all the bulk to my son. They fit him.
I would like to think he could have sold some not just donated those he could not wear.
I hope a few things his boys can make do of.
I needed the space to put my things. It was silly all his stuff and no where to put my own things.
I feel much better now the house looks better without a lot of his things still in the way. I had kept them three years but then decided to draw the line. My son agreed. So that was the right thing to do. He cleared a lot of his old stuff to make space. He quite enjoys wearing some of his dad’s stuff. I am pleased he does.
He is after all part of his dad. He needs to wear them. It is right for us. It is nice that his son likes to treasure his dad’s memory. Hexwas verso cut up about his dad dying. He has had a really hard time. He has had to be so brave.
He comes here to get some relief. He likes to sit in my old office in the warm to work. Sometimes on my table for a bit of company.
Working at home isn’t always nice for him.
If he is here it reminds me of my husband at his age. I like to make him a snack. So he can have some nourishment. I use vegetables to make a filling for a jacket potato. He has bought me bits from the allotment just like his dad. So I feel very blessed.
My grandsons come with him if they are ill. I look after them. Give them food and chat.
They hopefully feel welcome.
I feel blessed to have grandsons and sons.
It is not always easy. But when I read about some people are not able to do that.
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Sorry for your loss. There is no handbook on grief and this journey we find ourselves on, although we all share similar experiences, our emotions are unique to ourselves. If her belongings bring you comfort that is all that matters. Timelines are unimportant. You will know when you know. Don’t put yourself under any pressure or compare your grief journey to others. It’s early days and your mind is adjusting to the fact she is no longer here. Be compassionate to you yourself and follow your heart. The heart tells you all you need to know and when you need to know it
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Thank you I think that’s good advice
I lost my husband of 52years in July 24 and I have decided the time is right to take his clothes out of the wardrobe. He would be annoyed that they are still here. It is still very early days for you and you will know when the time is right for you.
No, that does not seem weird at all to me, Pete. I lost my husband 6 months ago and I know I will never be able to clear his belongings out. He would laugh and say that I could now have all that extra wardrobe space that I have been edging my way in to for the last 48 years. I just know, though, that I’ll never be able to do that.
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Thank you for your thoughts, I don’t like to even see her clothes I don’t open the wardrobe doors it’s too heartbreaking
It’s nearly 4 months since my husband passed away . Sorting his clothes and personal belongings is really hard to do . I have sorted some things out . Like you I keep the wardrobe door shut ,as it’s to upsetting. I will know when the time right to sort them out
There isn’t a right or wrong time to sort out our loved ones belongings. I’m four years in now in Feb26 and still have some of his stuff. In the first year it came in gradually the urge to sort out. I did it one wardrobe at a tine. I folded it up and put it into a big IKEA bag and then into the garage. Left it there till I felt strong enough to dispose of it . I still have a drawer with some of his things in and they’ll stay there till I die. I’ve also got his sleepwear under his pillow. I have never been able to cry the grief is just too deep. I had counselling at the beginning which did help a lot giving me coping strategy. I felt overwhelmed last year and had some more but to be honest I got to dread the meeting. She was very young and could not possibly understand what I was going thro. I’ve found sticking to a routine has helped. I thought I was ok so this Christmas for the first time I put up a few Christmas bits. How wrong I was. Worst one ever I couldn’t settle or think straight . . I took everything down on Dec 27 and got the house back to the new normal. I have no religion but I’m sure that when my time comes he will come for me. Now I just plus in day after day. Doing my volunteering etc. we were together for 60 years from being 18. A lifetime. How can I possibly get over losing him aftrr all that time.
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Thank you, that is a tough read it really moved me and made me realise I am not alone in my suffering. Love and best wishes
Well today I felt better than yesterday. I didn’t go out as it was freezing cold. Car all frosted up. I didn’t need to and still nothing is back tomorrow to usual. Reading all these posts