HI im wonderful husband was diagnosied with mesothelioma 2 yrs ago.what we went through seemed like hell.not soon after his was diagnosed he had lots of hospital visits.then he started chemo that so say was his only chance but sadly this hospitalised him twice so they stopped chemo.But my daughter and i wouldnt give up on him so we done some research and found a trial to give him a chance to live longer.after a long wait he was accepted.We had to go up to london to St Bartholomew’s hospital for the operation.i rented a apartment to stay with him.should have been for 2 weeks but unfortunately it turned out to be 3 months but there wasno way i was going to leave him so i stayed with him and i was with him everday from 10AM to 8PM.In the meantime i had to make sure my mum who was 87 was being looked after as i was her carer too.we eventually came home and tried to regain our lives.the op gave my husband another year but he was hospitalized a few times in that year with the end no medication was working so i looked after him at home until he passed the meantime i was looking after to mum till one day i rang her to say i was going down and with an hour of the call to her i got there she was on the floor.she was conscious and knew me.she was taken to hospital and within a few hrs lost consciousness.and passed away the next day of a brain hemorrhage i stayed with her till she died.that was january a year ago.Then i carried on looking after my husband but sadly he lost his fight in the march.I really miss those times looking after him and just feel completely lost.I feel guilty but i never really grieved for my mum who i loved dearly she was like my best friend.and i miss my husband so much as we were together 50 yrs in total.i have felt i dont want to go on anymore.whats the point.I know i have a lot of family and amazing friends but i still feel lonely. I put on a brave face everyday and im cheerful because i think a year on family and friends should think i should be feeling better but im not it hurts more now than it ever did.Whats the song behind a painted smile.thanks for reading i just need someone who understands what its like xx

Hello Jm,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and your mother.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

You can make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your local area.

Take care,


Online Community team

Hi Jm I’m so sorry for your losses what a very traumatic time you have had. You should never feel guilty you did everything in your power to make your loved ones final days as comfortable as you could and most important of all you were there for them right to the very end and you should be so proud of yourself .
As for others thinking you should be getting over things , until they experience it for themselves they have no idea what this living hell is like and no one can ever imagine what it’s like , there’s no time limit on grief so you take as much time as you need and if it’s for the rest of your life then so be it all it does if prove just how much you loved them both.
Be kind to yourself you deserve it
Kind regards Karen x x

1 Like

Hi jm123
I read you post and make me smile because you are so brave and strong, you never gave up and manage to get the operation for you husband to extent his life. I wish i done something for my husband .
Looking after a loved one is not easy but you did for 2. Now have time for yourself alowe yourself to grief, it is not a weakness but the lost and love for our loved ones.

Thank you all for your replys it does help a little.have any of you done the online counselling

Thank you for your reply its very helpful x

Yes. I am having the counselling on line, it will never be like it is face to face but it is usefull. I would recommend it to everybody. The grief dont end but is good to talk with someone impartial, tolerant and understanding of all the feeling and stage of mind.
Keep in touch xx

Thank you for your feed back x