lost my partner after 42 years

I’m sorry to hear that Kathleen. Welcome to the forum and to membership of a club that nobody wants to be in. It’s nearly 11 months since Carolyn, my wife died, and very, very slowly I have found some things easier to cope with. We were an item for 49 years, and married for 44 of them. Initially it’s just about survival and getting through each day intact. My advice would be to find things to do as a distraction. For me, I found that joining different groups meant I got to talk to people and that has made me feel less lonely. Time with my kids and grandkids also helps me. It’s bittersweet as it makes me think how much Carolyn is missing.
I’ve found this forum to be very useful as it helps to read how others are finding ways of coping.