Multiple grief

About a year ago. I first lost my mother to a long battle with cancer. Without any warning signs 2 weeks after this my wife was rushed to hospital with a brain haemorrhage. She passed away a few days later. Then 2 weeks after my wife’s funeral. I got a phone call from my brother saying my father had died in his sleep. Heart failure. I don’t how I’ve managed to cope this far. But recently I’ve been really struggling to find any strength to go on at all. I’m worried for my well being. I’m having seriously dark thoughts about whether it’s worth going on at all. I feel all alone and scared. Please help me.

Hi Anton,

I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your mother, your wife and your father in such quick succession. Those are all huge losses and it must be incredibly difficult to cope with all of the emotions.

You have written that you have dark thoughts and wonder whether it is worth carrying on. Does this mean that you have had suicidal thoughts? I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling, such as one of the following services:

  • The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org). You do not need to be suicidal to call them.

  • You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

  • Cruse Bereavement offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677​, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk

You deserve care and support so please, Anton, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

I’m glad that you have found this site and I hope it helps you to feel a tiny bit less alone. We have lots of supportive users who have experienced loss and grief. For example, you may wish to read and reply to these conversations:

Hello Anton,
What an awful time you have had, no wonder you feel like you cannot cope, you’ve had so much thrown at you in such quick succession, life can be so cruel. You definitely need to offload on someone to tell them exactly how this has affected you.
I lost my mother 3 years ago very suddenly. She got up on Saturday morning in pain by the evening she had gone. It was a ruptured aortic aneurysm. We were all in shock for a long period before the grief finally hit. Last July my husband passed away, and again I am only just coming out of shock and that’s when it hits home. I’m pretty certain the same is happening to you and that’s why you feel you are going to pieces. I highly recommend a professional counsellor to help you with this. Cruse are excellent, very experienced and free. There is a waiting list but they will get to you.
Look them up. Don’t back away saying that’s not for me, try them. The first few sessions will seem alien and you’ll think I don’t like this, but stick with it, and you will be helped. It’s an awful feeling being bereaved and yes it is the loneliest feeling in the world, but you are not alone, there are people out there waiting to help you, just reach out to
them. I feel scared every day, scared of being on my own, scared of the future, scared of the world, so I know what you are going through. Have a look at their website and let me know what you think. Don’t do this on your own when you don’t have to. Viv.

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