Mum birthday

So it’s been 3 weeks today and would of been mum’s birthday 75th
So this month I’ve had mother’s Day my birthday and her birthday to deal with and tomorrow will be her cremation!
I have this constant aniexty I don’t suspect that’s going away any time soon.

Dear Bow1982,

I am so sorry for your loss, it is very early days and a lot is happening and has happened that you are having and had to deal with. I lost my husband three years ago after 47 years of marriage and three days later it was our son’s birthday, then our wedding anniversary then our other son’s birthday, then my husband’s funeral, it never ended.

Of course you are anxious, you don’t say if you have any immediate family to help you or if you are sorting things out on your own because that will make a big difference if you have someone to lean on because believe you me, there is so much to sort out in the coming months. I went through the first 12 months in a daze and the companies and banks we dealt with were making things as difficult as could be, probate for this, probate for that, everything was in joint names apart from ISA’s so I had to go to probate to sort that out. I don’t know your circumstances but things are never straight forward and you are dealing with the death of a loved one that you have known all your life and it is hard to make sense of anything.

You are not alone, we have all been through this and many people on this site are still going through the early stages of the death of their wives, husbands, parents etc. Three years on for me and I am still trying to come to terms with the death of my husband, the future is nothing without him. When my mum, dad and sister died many, many years ago, I had my husband to get me through it and tell me everything would be alright so I do hope you have someone to help you through this terrible time.

Tomorrow will be another very hard day for you because even though your mum passed away a few days ago, you will be saying goodbye to her all over again. You loved your mum and she loved you and there is no better memory to have than that.

Please take care, we are all here for you,

Sheila xx

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Thanks Shelia, it’s been stressful I just want this part to be over. I get the feeling dad is gonna fall apart very soon! I’ve not been on my on have alot of support just feel every…that’s grief though

I know exactly what you mean, our two son’s were worried sick about me because for 50 years we were never apart. I will be honest with you. When my husband started being ill we decided to get a German Shepherd puppy we had always had German Shepherds but our last one died before Peter started being ill so we decided to get another one to keep Peter company if I had to go out anywhere.

They were inseparable and the last three years I became his 24/7 carer but Barney was always by his side. To cut a long story short, if I had not had Barney to get up for in the morning I don’t think I would be here now, my life fell apart the day my husband died. Last July our Barney died and it was like losing my husband all over again. I had never, ever been on my own since the day I was born 75 years ago.

Your poor dad will be dying inside and there won’t be anything you can say to him that will make him feel better because this is his new forever life. All you can do is be there for him, let him cry, don’t pester him, all I wanted to do was be left alone to think. Think about the future I now had to live alone, think about the days when we were young, all I did was think and cry.

I wish I could tell you something positive because you are also grieving, but perhaps you can steer him in the direction of this site as there are a lot of men who have lost their beloved wives or partners and it may help him sort his feelings out. This site has helped me tremendously knowing I am not alone in this nightmare.

Please take care and look after your dad tomorrow, he will need you like he has never needed you before.

I will be thinking of you all tomorrow.

Sheila xx