I got the phone call that my mum had suddenly died in her sleep 2 months ago. I went home to my dad the same day and stayed for a few weeks, before returning back to the city I live in after the funeral.
I don’t have any siblings, so now having to navigate this with my dad is extremely difficult. The most important thing at the moment is that I’m there for him. Everyone tells me to look after him, as understandably it will be hitting him the hardest, they still lived together, were happily married for a long time, and he was a carer for her in her later years. We speak on the phone every day since I’ve gone back to work.
I feel like I’ve been on autopilot and haven’t had time to process it all properly until now, it seems like the dust has settled from the funeral, we’re arranging what to do with her ashes and honestly I just cannot believe that she is gone; that I’ll never be able to speak to her again. I feel like the grief is consuming me all of a sudden out of nowhere, and I just wish I had someone to take care of me and comfort me. I wish I had my mum.
This all feels so unfair??? I didn’t expect to be dealing with this at the age of 24, I also think it’s made worse by the fact that I don’t have any close friends who have lost a parent in a similar way, so it’s hard to be able to relate to anyone or know if I’m doing the right thing. I am starting to have so many regrets and wish that I’d spent more time with her, although I’ve not told anyone this.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Give yourself grace. Going through such a profound loss is also beyond difficult for you too. Your experience of grief albeit slightly different from yours dad’s is just as valid.
Be proud of yourself for reaching out whilst trying to navigate grief. That’s brave. Everything you have mentioned despite its brutality and at times being all encompassing are experienced by many whilst grieving. I say this to reassure you that you aren’t alone in all your thoughts of grief.
I hope you are able to find some comfort in knowing that you aren’t doing anything wrong and you aren’t alone amongst the community.
@buttonmoon first off I want to say I’m so sorry for your loss have your mam I’ve also lost my mam so I know what you are going through I was 17 first off Im gonna be as real as I can with you because that’s just me I would say it gets easier but it doesn’t but what I will say is you learn to deal with it but don’t put any pressure on yourself you are allowed to be sad you are allowed to be angry grief is a lot and there’s no time limit on that neither, I know people say you should look after your dad cuz they was married and lived together to and I get your dad lost his wife but you also lost your mam you should be comforting each other, I know I don’t know you but ever need to talk then I’m always available you ain’t on your own xxx
I’m 23 and also lost my mum unexpectedly 2 almost 3 months ago and it’s the worst thing in the whole world. I’m lucky I have my siblings to relate to in this, we all said how much worse it would’ve been if we were only children having to navigate it all alone so my heart aches even more for you in that sense.
I don’t relate to my friends anymore and I am so open to connecting with people who are experiencing similar things. I know there’s nothing I can say to make it easier because I feel exactly the same but if you want someone to just let anything off your chest feel free to inbox me.
Sending hugs xx
@Rchy hey I hope you don’t mind me reaching out to you post but I was young when I lost my mam I was 17 I totally get where Ur coming from and I know u say u have siblings are you able to talk to them tho because I had 3 siblings and the one that was there with with also passed the other 2 didn’t really bother if that makes sense u need to make sure that Ur feelings are valid to and I know we don’t know how lucky we are with everything going on in the world but u are allowed to grieve xxx