Mum died a month ago

My mum died a month ago following a 3 year battle with lung cancer (diagnosed just as she was due to retire). She went into hospital for a fall where they found it had spread to her brain, she came home for her final week and me any my sister cared for her till she passed, it was a tough week seeing her go downhill so quickly but it was comforting being there to make sure she was well cared for.
I know I’ve held my feelings back since the funeral, I’m ok if I’m busy but as soon as I stop I either want to cry or I end up getting angry with people at home, I’m scared that if I cry I will go to bits

Hi please cry it out bottling it up won’t help in the long run I know we all grieve differently 3 months since my husband passed I still cry every day I get angry it’s a roller coaster of emotions and early days sorry for your loss xx

Dear Angtay,
My reply may cause you to cry, so you may want to read it at a moment when you feel okay to let your tears flow. I lost my mum almost 2 years ago, so I know what it feels like. It is so hard to see someone you love going downhill and getting weaker. Like you and your sister, my sisters and I spent the last weeks of her life with her. I was even allowed to have a bed next to her and stay a few nights with her in the care home where she was supposed to be recovering from a fall. This did not happen due to complications and when there was nothing left for the doctors to do we arranged for her to spend her last few days in a hospice. The year before that we had lost our dad. Within a few days from being sent home from hospital he took a turn for the worse. He peacefully died at home.
You and your sister did something very special, you looked after your mum at the end of her life. She was surrounded by your love and that must have been a great comfort to her. Our mums gave birth to us and were there when we took our first breath and to be there when they take their last breath is very difficult, but also very precious. The loss of our mums changes our lives forever, We will always miss them, but they will forever be in our hearts and they have shaped our lives.
Being busy is fine and it sounds like you are able to keep your emotions under control, but sooner or later the sadness will be too much too keep in. It would be good if you could choose the moment that you allow yourself to express how you feel. How is your sister dealing with it? Would you be able to cry together and comfort each other? My sisters and I got very close during and after the time our parents died, and we were not afraid to show each other our emotions. I don’t think you will fall apart, and even if you did, I am sure you and your sister will find the strength to put yourselves together again, until the next time you feel the need to cry. Grief tends to come in waves and I had to learn how to see them come and go with them (like surfers do) rather than go under them. As time goes on he sad memories of our mums’ last few e weeks will be replaced by happier ones. Sending you love and a big virtual hug.
Jo

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