Mum died last week

My mum died in hospital last Friday. She was 83, so really shouldn’t have been unexpected, but I’m devastated.
Dad died 5 years ago, and mum had been coping brilliantly on her own - with help from my sister and I, and with regular visits to friends and social groups. However, since lockdown mum had been suffering from a leg infection which made it hard for her to sleep. We were able to visit her only to change her dressing or take her to her Doctor’s appointments - but nothing else due to the Coronavirus. Mum had a fall 3 weeks ago and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. My sister and I assumed it was her bad leg that had caused the fall, but after the hospital had done scans they told us they found a secondary cancer in her lungs. Mum went down hill really quickly. My sister and I were able to visit her for an hour on Thursday, and she seemed to recognise us briefly even though we had to wear face masks and other PPE. She died on Friday. It’s all been so fast and I feel unprepared and that I let her down.

It’s SO DEVESTATING 2 hear Everyones stories… u realise u are not alone… I’m about 2 phone the SAMARITANS as I jst can’t cope anymore! Bless u ALL! X🙏

I feel so guilty, I’d looked after my wonderful mum for years especially after dad died 9 years ago… after 20 years of helping mum with his illness as well! Moved in with mum 2+ years ago 2 care 4 her … she never woke up in the last 5days of her life. My sister was here 4 the weekend & I went 2 feed the swans & ducks… that was my good place! Was rushing back 2 tell mum about the 3 SWANS… she had died 10 mins b4 I got back 2 her… I let her down… I’ll never get over that… even tho I knew that she wldn’t have heard me anyway… BUT WOULD SHE?? :cry::pray:

Hi nutjob
It has been said on this site many times that loved ones choose to die when we arent with them to spare us the pain of being there. Perhaps your mum did this to help you? My mum died suddenly a year ago this week. I will never be the same.
I dont believe my mum would have wanted me by her side when she passed x


Hello Nutjob
I hope you’re able to talk to someone about your feelings. It sounds like you were there for your mum for many years and I’m sure in time you will be able to look back at all the wonderful times you had together rather than the last few days. On Saturday I was telling my husband about how I felt that I hadn’t spent enough time with mum (she died last Friday) and he told me to look through last year’s diary. Not a week went by without an entry saying ‘mum’s for tea’, or ‘take mum for coffee’. I’m sure if you think back to happier times you will realise that you did so much more for your mum than you realise, particularly moving in with her to care for her. So sorry for your loss. X

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Just spent 2 hrs on phone 2 Samaritans… they were amazing! So much GUILT within me for lots of years… really struggling with life… REALLY! REALLY! BAD!! X​:scream::cry:

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Just saw ur message … have had a lot of people say the same… jst missed my dad passing 9 years ago by 15 mins… maybe it is a choice they made! I’m so sorry for ur sudden loss… That must have been so awful!! I really miss the laughter with my mum… we would giggle About EVERYTHING & 2 see the way she ended up in the last 2years of her life… a shell of the woman she was… was DEVESTATING & SO CRUEL!! The world lost a TRUE ANGEL that day !! Take care! :heart:

I understand. I lost my best friend when my mum died. We shopped together, lived together, enjoyed a bottle of wine watching tv, went for pub lunches. We just got each other and had the same sense of humour. I still cant believe it.
Cheryl x

Just clearing porch 2 wash down ready 4 painting but EVERYTHING I touch reminds me of mum… & dad… then I end up in tears & just sit staring @ the TV! :cry:trying 2 clear the house 4 selling is IMMENSELY PAINFUL… I want 2 keep EVERYTHING but I know that I can’t!! My sis comes 2 help wen she can but it’s a 5hr round trip& she’s been in LOCK DOWN! Do u have any help from anyone? I do have my own home 2 miles away but have lived with mum for 2 years permanently… my husband is there but he just can’t seem 2 connect with my GRIEF… which is SO HARD! My boys have been very supportive but they think I am loosing my mind & need some help… hence the name NUTJOB!!! I feel I have a MASSIVE HOLE where my heart was!! Pls take care… hope life gets easier 4 us BOTH sometime soon!! JULIE​:heart::rainbow::pray:

I have a lovely partner and a 13 year old daughter but they dont talk about mum. My daughter was kponed at the hip with my mum for 12 years. It was very hard on her when she died and I think she deals with it by pushing it out of her head. My friends either still have their parents or they lost them many years ago so they have forgotten or never knew the pain. I’m afraid I’m very alone with my grief hence I use this site and chat to the lovely people I have found.
Cheryl x

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I’m taking great comfort from this site & the Samaritans… they are AMAZING… will prob phone them again 2day …0116123…pls call them if u get desperate… it took me a lot of courage 2 do it… even b4 mum died, my boys kept telling me 2 spas I was struggling SO MUCH!! I was told that some people phone them many times a day!! They are my lifeline! Ur mum’s funeral must be soon don’t worry how much u cry … I did ALL DAY!! Will think of u!! Much love & hugs!! X​:broken_heart::pray:pl a keep in touch!! X​:rainbow::rainbow:

I’m so so sorry - I’m in the same boat. Mum had a heart attack and died 24 hours later in hospital a month ago. She was 87 but still a huge shock. We got in to see her 3 times but they kept telling us to leave / bloody covid. I felt like a small child again. I’ve lost my Dad and sister and all the memories are coming up. Take care xx

Saw ur message early hrs am! Still clearing mum’s house( our childhood home):woozy_face:the memories & emotions of 64 years are still immense… still get VERY OVERWHELMED with it all!! So sorry to here of ur loss as well… I know jst how u feel… I’ve lost a few very much loved family & friends over the past few years… this has brought back all the grief of loosing my LUVLY DAD AS WELL!! Mum was my BEST FRIEND & managed to keep her @ home until she passed on but it was the most torturing… upsetting & soul destroying thing I have EVER done​:cry:I know this pain will LESSEN in time but @ the moment I feel BROKEN & MENTALLY DRAINED. I have suffered mental health issues as long as I can remember … she had dementia as well as lots of medical issues… when she didn’t know me @ the end it was heartbreaking! No one really know’s what the future holds now with these very weird times we live in… what is NORMAL ANY MORE?? :scream:from the bottom of my heart I wish u the strength to ride this awful wave of despair & hopefully move on to a new but very different future, keeping our loved one’s in our hearts & minds FOREVER… TAKE CARE… KEEP SAFE!! Will be thinking of you! X​:pray::heart::sunrise:

We started clearing our family home and I found all our holiday diaries from when we were 6/7/8 - I will read them when I can cope with the memories. We were born and raised in the house. I’m wanting my mum back now desperately but what can we do / love to you all x

Just sat in a pile of paperwork with all kitchen drawers & cupboards open… not quite knowing what 2 do next!! I’ve bought 25 plastic storage boxes so far & still don’t have enough!! My eldest son has just tested positive for Covid so we are now having to isolate for 14 days & wait for test results 2 come back!! Have no energy 4 ANYTHING ANYMORE!! Our mum’s sound very alike… found all our 1st haircuts in separately labelled envelopes!! Not having a Gr8 day!:scream::woozy_face::cry: hope u are getting support from family & friends… mum’s house is supposed 2 go on the market next week! :woman_facepalming::crazy_face:XX

Oh my gosh next week - that will be emotional. Apparently mum had a clear out over lockdown - but there is a lot to do. Garage has asbestos roof / oh dear! Please be gentle with yourself - such a roller coaster and we are meant to make sensible choices about what to do. Take care xx

Tenerifetoes, my Mum died of a massive heart attack and pneumonia in hospital ten months ago. It was unexpected, even by the medical staff. They brought her back after over 8 minutes, but she never regained consciousness and passed away under 24 hours later. I lived with her, as her carer. It’s been a heavy, raw and a very sad ten months. I’m still stunned it’s happened. I miss by companion and best friend.
Nutjob, I think grief and the ongoing pandemic is very heavy mentally. I’m trying to listen to relaxing items in the evening to try and relax. Otherwise, my mind is in complete over drive. I found going to bed an hour earlier helpful in getting more sleep.
I’m sorry you both lost your loved ones. Take care.

Hi Daffy I’m so sorry for your loss - bloody covid - it stopped me being with mum at the end because of all the rules. They bought my mum back too and called us in about 1 in the morning but by the time we got in she was sitting up drinking tea. We had no idea and the doctor was amazed. We were laughing and joking and just enjoying being together. Incredible. The last time we left we didn’t get back in time. With my sister it was just tragic and heartbreaking and she suffered for so long - too long - just wrong to lose someone young x

Hi DAFFY… how awful 4 u 2 have lost ur mum so suddenly… I knew my loss was coming but tried 2 deny it!! Companion & BEST FRIEND is just how we were as well… god, I miss her SO MUCH… have a real physical pain ALL THE TIME!! How do we get thru this… just loosing SO MANY people @ the moment… last few years have been AWFUL!! :cry:. So many people in the same boat… just tell myself that she’s with my Nan, dad & auntie now… it does help a bit! Pls take care of urself… keep plodding on… wishing u ALL THE. BEST DAFFY… it will get better @ sum point… they would hate us 2 be SO UNHAPPY!! X​:pray::mask::sunrise:

Sorry… think I sent this 2 T instead… how are u 2day T?? X​:pray::sunrise::crazy_face: