Mum died on New Years Day and I am struggling

Well I did not think for one minute I would be joining everyone on this site but I guess none of us did. I have been reading messages and they do help so wanted to share my story.
My mum died on New Year’s Day at the age of 73 and I am a mess. She had COPD for a lot of years but I just did not see this coming for one minute.
Over the past probably 5 years she has needed to go into hospital for various chest infections and she has always managed to get over them. With COPD being a progressive breathing disease my mum has gradually been finding the stairs really difficult. For the past 2 years I have been looking for a bungalow to make it easier for her. I found one about six months ago and we moved in 3 months ago. She loved it and with no stairs it was much better for her. She has been buying new furniture and it looks great. We were planning some changes and looking forward to the better weather. Little did we know that everything was going to be turned upside down. On Christmas Eve we had to call for an ambulance as mums breathing was worse, they got here oxygen levels back up and were happy that she did not need to go to hospital. We had Christmas and she was a bit up and down. On New Year’s Eve her breathing got worse but she was still talking, we got an ambulance and they rushed mum to hospital. I followed the ambulance and the next time I saw my mum was in ICU where she was unconscious. They did a chest x ray and then told us the devastating news that she would not wake up. My whole world crumbled. I was so close to my mum, my dad was her full time career. We were never a family who said we loved each other or hugged each other, something I now regret. I wish I had. Since leaving the hospital without her I think about her all of the time, I miss her so much and just want her back. The house feels empty and cold I I just cannot see me enjoying life again. I am lucky to still have my dad and I want to stay strong for him but I am just so sad. I have always lived at home so the bond I have with my parents is so strong. I have the funeral on Friday and then a family gathering after it. I am not sure how I am going to get through either. Mum was in pain with her COPD and back problems and I did not want to see her suffering but I just miss her so much the thoughts of enjoying the house without her is just unimaginable. How do we ever get through such a loss.

So sorry for your loss. It’s so hard losing your mum. And it is very raw for you st the moment. I cant lie and say it will get better any time soon. It will take a while for you to process initially.
My mum passed last July after only 3 weeks from a lung cancer diagnosis. It has honestly been the worst 6 months of my life. I seem to have been through every bad emotion possible. You will constantly think about your mum, that’s normal and very painful. You may even find it difficult to compute and get your head around. I know I did. But everyone’s grief is unique. Well that’s what everyone keeps telling Me. I thought I was going crazy for a long time. I cant really offer you much comfort because there is none. I received advice from friends who had lost parents and partners. They all said the same. Take every day one step at a time and dont expect too much from yourself. Be kind to yourself and look after well being as much as you can. The pain is unbearable I know. I honestly didnt imagine it bring anything this bad. I’m still broken and I’m 6 months down the line. This forum has been very comforting for me as I read posts and think to myself hey other people are saying they feel just like I do so I’m not going out of my mind. Take care xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s a really awful time. I have no idea how I will ever recover from losing my mum. She died last August. 2 days after being diagnosed with cancer. It was such a shock. We thought she had a chest infection. I miss her so much it hurts. My dad has COPD. I’m so scared I’m going to lose him soon too. But he manages it very well.

I don’t have any advice apart from taking it one day at a time. It’s a rollercoaster ride. One day you feel slightly better then the next day you don’t want to get out of bed. I can’t see me ever really feeling better. It will always hurt so bad. Just get through each day as best you can. Be kind to yourself. Something I need to do. As I beat myself up with guilt on a daily basis. Which does me no good. So I’m having counselling which is really helping.

I’m sorry for your loss Barrie1376. There is nothing easy about grief.
My Mum passed suddenly from pneumonia and a heart attack at the hospital. Even the hospital staff were surprised, by the sudden health change. My Dad passed twenty years previously.
I was a long term carer for my Mum. Our family were not terribly affectionate. We didn’t hug each other. I now wish that a lot of things had been said about how much I loved and valued her. I lived with my Mum and I now tell and empty room how I feel and how much I love and miss her.
Take it hour by hour on the bad days. It’s a sad and painful process, but with time it should get easier.

Hello, Barrie and welcome to this forum, although it is a place that none of these wonderful people wanted to be.
I am very sorry that you have lost your mum, I do feel for you in your grief.
I cannot add to anything which has been posted, grief is a horrible emotion.
Take good care and be kind to yourself,
MaryL

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