Mum died suddenly

I’m so sorry to unload here but I’m feeling so overwhelmed and under supported. My mum died very suddenly 4 weeks ago.

It was a shock when mum passed. She was in hospital and they were talking about discharge when she was taken ill and died about 12 hours later.

The time since she passed has been spent planning the funeral and supporting my dad. I just feel like my needs/loss have gotten lost in all the hubbub and dads emotions have taken precedent in everyone else’s mind.

I do have a habit of putting a brave face on things, and joking around a lot. But mum wasn’t just my mum but my best friend. I saw/spoke to her every day and we did everything together - shopping, travelling, days out. I woke up this morning not feeling able to face the day and just wanted to scream. I had to go and see my dad who again just reminded me of what things I need to do now (probate, informing banks, life insurance etc) and how lonely and upset he is. He hasn’t once asked how I feel though he knows how close me and mum were - he did live with her :slight_smile:

Family will call but ask how dad is and I don’t want to keep burdening my friends/partner with my sadness. I’m not back at work yet (drs have been great and I have annual leave) and I’m not sure when I’ll start to feel better so I can actually work. I cried yesterday just looking at her drivers licence - the old paper one, it doesn’t even have a photo on it :slight_smile: :smile: I feel lonely and isolated, and my heart has a constant ache. I just miss her so much.


Hi @CeeEmCee ,
You are entitled to your emotions, & you shouldn’t have to bottle it up & tiptoe around other people.
When a parent passes, it’s a big shock, especially when you’re so very close, I guess in some ways it’s helpful to have all the things to focus on to keep busy. You never need to say sorry for needing to unload on this forum, we’re all somewhere in our grief journey, & it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed, it’s a big thing to go through, it’s also understandable to want some acknowledgement of your feelings as well as your dads, talk on this forum as much or as little as you feel is comfortable for you, there are always people to listen. Sending hugs of support.


I’m so very sorry for your loss, as @Pandaprincess said, you’re entitled to your emotions and in no way should you bottle it up and/or tiptoe around people. Grief presents itself in various ways and you know dealing with everything that you have to following the passing of a loved one isn’t easy. I’m very much like you in the sense of putting on a brave face and making jokes, in all honesty, most of my family are like that, but it doesn’t mean under that coping strategy, you’re not hurting and upset, I personally think it’s very wrong that your family aren’t remotely concerned with how you’re coping! Your dad I somewhat can understand, he is likely to be too consumed with his own grief to even consider how you must be feeling, it’s possible once the funeral is out of the way and he can begin to piece together his life, he could well realise that he’s disregarded you and your emotions.

I lost my mum at the end of January this year, if you don’t mind some unsolicited advice, ignore me if you don’t want it! Let your emotions out, whether it’s alone, with someone you feel “safe” with, wherever you feel comfortable, just cry, sob, scream into a pillow if you need to, you’re allowed your feelings and they are damn well justified too.

If you want to discuss her, by all means, use this thread to do so! Sending you love! :heart:


So sorry for your loss. I lost my mum very suddenly just over 2 weeks ago and know all to well how painful this is.
My dad is staying with us at the moment. I am lucky to have 3 amazing daughters and this allows me to be my dads support and they are mine. I hope that you can find the support that you need when your grief feels to much. This forum is great and everyone really does understand what you are going through. It is a safe place to express any feelings that you have. Thinking of us all. Take care x


Thank you all for responding - it’s nice to remember that there are good people out there and I’m not alone :relaxed:

You’re all right though - I shouldn’t bottle it up as I know down the road it just leads to heartache. It’s just so hard when you’ve always been seen as the ‘strong, sensible’ one in the family.

I took your advice and reached out to some close friends. And thanks for prompting me to do that as they said they’ve been waiting to hear from me and they’ve made plans to meet up with me next week to talk/cry/feed me.

I jut need to ride this rollercoaster and remind people that I’ve also lost someone, the person who was who I call the sun in our solar system of our family.