Oh that’s a shame.well it will be something to focus on during the next couple of weeks.
Hi Cheryl
I agree about being strong. Nobody should tell anyone to be strong and when to grieve. These are your feelings and emotions and you have the right to own them. Crying for some can be a release of built up tension and they say tears are healing. I also personally believe what we resist will persist. Our worlds have been turned upside down and we have to negotiate our way into a new one. One without our loved one who in most cases is the very person that gave us a solid foundation. This foundation has to be rebuilt and as the saying goes “Rome was not built in a day”. When I returned to work I was terrified and yes raw with emotion. Fortunately my colleagues were really understanding and supportive albeit only for a couple of weeks. I actually felt better returning to work even though I dreaded it as it gave me some structure to my days and a focus. I then learnt to grieve differently as in I had to hold it in at work for obvious reasons but as soon as I got home it would all come out so I also began a pattern of “allocating time” to grieve and that bought me enormous comfort as it was my special time to remember my loved one with no interruptions from the world and all it’s demands. I call it my healing time.
Love
Lyn x
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Thanks lyn,
I agree with everything you say.
Cheryl x
It’s not been a good weekend for me. I just feel like I’ll never be right again
I know Kelly but please remember its the first weekend without her.
I’m on weekend 15 and it does get slightly easier as much as I’m loathe to say so…the tears are less frequent but the sadness is still there.
You will get there, we all will.
I think you are being too hard on yourself x
I think the funeral will be the worse for me, but it’s still over a week away. And I don’t know if I can bear going to see her at the funeral home. It’ll make it more real
Look its entirely up to you and I know this is quite a controversial one on the forum.
I decided not to see my mum after age died. The last memory I wanted to keep was if her walking down to her operation. The others hobbled down or were in wheelchairs. Mum practically skipped down to her operation.she was so excited to be given a life saving op and I remember her happily walking with the anaesthetist. When I found out she had suffered a massive brain bleed I didnt want to see her in a coma, i wanted to remember her very much alive.
I chose not to sit by her bedside or see her in the chapel of rest. I dont regret it either although there are times I wish I had seen her just once more.
What you decide to do is up to you.some people on this forum have done what I did, others have seen their beloved parent in the chapel.
For me, the decision not to see Mum was the right one x
Cheryl
I chose not to see my dad. I think it’s not only our own choice but also what our loved one would want and I know my dad would not have wanted me to see him like that. He would want my last memories to be happy one’s of him. It’s a personal choice and must also be a very difficult one if you are unsure. I have no regrets that I didn’t
Lyn
I did go to the bedside and also after she had died I also saw her so I don’t want that to be my last time of seeing her. I didn’t see my dad and I was a mess on the day of the funeral
You must do what’s right for you kelly.
You wont regret it, it just wasnt for me and I agree with Lyn as I dont believe my mum would have wanted to see her she had already changed in appearance towards the end of the day when she was on life support. Luckily I tend to think of her when she was alive and well rather than that horrendous last day.
I also didnt see my dad on the advice of the funeral director who said dad had changed colour and they couldn’t get him to look as he had once done.
Good luck with what you decide x
Hi Kel,
So sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum in May.
You need to go. Your Mum would have wanted you to go. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. I was the same. I went to Scarborough for a night with my son and grandson and it helped.
X
Struggling really bad with pains everywhere. I feel like I’m going crazy
Hello Kel,
I’m so sorry to hear about you struggling with pain at this time. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment, and that you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
Sue Ryder also offers online bereavement counselling. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. Find out more and register: https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling
Take care,
Michelle
Online Community team
Thank you,
I’m still struggling massively at the moment. Taking everything out on my family and I hate myself
Hi Kel.
I’m really sorry to see you are still struggling. Have you been offered any support, or tried to find it?
Your GP may be able to help too, if you feel able to get in touch with them.
Sue Ryder also offers online bereavement counselling. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. Find out more and register: https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling
Take care,
Michelle
Online Community team
Hi Cheryl, I lost my dad three years to cancer, he was only 67. Then last year my mom died suddenly in October from a brain aneurysm. I keep rehearsing the night it happened. She had a seizure at mine then when got to hospital they operated on her but she had died. She lived on her own and the night it happened she was supposed to be staying the night at mine. I miss them both so much, she was only 68. It’s her bday this Sunday on mother’s day 
. We used to do so much together, she was my best friend. I feel young at 38 to have lost both parents.
Hi amie
I’m sorry to read your post. My dad was 53 and my mum was 74. I thought she would go on till she was 90. I miss her so much.
I cant believe she had a brain hemorrhage still.
Thinking of you x
I think it’s mother’s day that’s getting to me. I’m a complete and utter mess at the moment. Can’t sleep or do anything right
I just cry at stupid things at the moment