I am so very sorry for your loss.
I understand what you’re saying & how you’re feeling, this might sound odd but my mum was diagnosed with Dementia in January this year after 5 long months in hospital & yes whilst she’s still physically here, she isn’t! & what you’re saying & feeling is what I feel too when I think of my mum…I know I can see her but she’s not the same & not really there, it’s painful & I do get your feelings. I found chatting on here helps.
Keep talking to her, I promise she’s listening. You will see signs.
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Chatting on here has helped me alot recently too xx
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I still talk to my Mum, but it gets me so upset when I know I will never have a conversation with her ever again, then I start to panic, so I go and watch something to help me think about something else:broken_heart:
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Totally understand hun x
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Not sure how to start this off, apart from my bleeding, broken heart reaches out to you
i don’t normally write or post but i read a post from you and if i may quote one part that hit me was this ;
( I want my old life back. But that can never be.
So I will put on my game face, laugh at the old times and make some plans for the future that will mean nothing.
I’ll turn off my phone to avoid the happy birthday messages and I’ll hold all my grief in for another time.
I think perhaps one day I will just explode into a million pieces the amount of holding in I do !! )
I lost my wife, soul mate, best friend, my reason for living to cancer at 13;10 thursday 24th July this year after 30 years of being by her side. the loss you have is exactly how im feeling every day. I started counselling this week but all i really want is my girl back . i walk around looking at everyday people going about there business hand in hand & it brakes my heart, my family and friends are very supportive buy they think they understand but they dont, ive lost my mum & brother over 10 years ago and as sad as that was this is completely off the scale its more than grief
Bless you , i hope you find happiness
Kind Regards Peter
My mum loved her perfume you would always know she was about as you could smell her. Someone would always say someone smells nice I always made a joke saying its not me, always made my mum laugh. I spray my mums room with her perfume. When I went to the funeral directors for the last time to see my mum I took her perfume I gave the room good spray and sprayed some on my mum. At her celebration of life I had 2 of her perfumes on the table for people to spray. How strange we do the same. Funny as a friend sent me a cushion I thought it was a bit weird at the time but makes sense now, ive stolen your idea and sprayed her perfume on the cushion. I can relate to both you ladies and I know I am not alone the way I feel, messaging has been so nice it will never bring my mum back or take away the pain but it helps. I feel like a yoyo one day im ok the next im in floods of tears.
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So sorry for your loss , norhing prepares you , i hope eventually you find a way to " cope " and belive me i say that with no ease , time is a healer apparently , not found that so far
Awww really feel for you, your wife sounds like an amazing lady, you certainly found your soul mate. As the saying goes we always want what we can’t have. A friend said if you feel grief then you have loved. You need to let it out even if you are alone otherwise it will drive you mad, We all do that look at other people wishing it was us the life we had. Cancer is so evil it’s cruel, I felt like I wanted my mum to die but I also wanted to hold onto her, we put animals to sleep but humans have to suffer until the body gives up. Only you know how you truly feel, people can guess, try to understand but no one apart from you will understand. The counselling might be a good thing but you need to open up. Try to hold onto the 30 years you had each other x
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I’m glad you have sprayed the cushion, honestly I cuddle her cushion all the time, it’s not the same, but it’s a bit of comfort 
I won’t be either or my 50th birthday a few days later as she was the rock of our family and the thought of her not being there is too much sorrow to bare.
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I totally get you, I won’t be celebrating anything again, my Mum was the rock of our family as well and it has totally crumbled since she passed away, so sorry that your 50th will be so sad, my Mum and me both had our birthday’s in the hospital, we usually spend them together, but not the way we did this year, they were so sad, so I won’t be celebrating my birthday ever again
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Hi @Lainy1969
Im so sorry for your loss. My own Mum passed in July 24. I still cry for her every day. Im so sad to hear you say you won’t celebrate your birthday again! I had my 40th without my Mum and my sons 18th, both were so hard but I tried to remind myself, especially of mine that my birthday is a day to remember my Mum. At the beginning I couldn’t bear to hear my own birthdate!
But, your Mum is the reason you’re here and I have no doubt was one of the proudest moments of her life … bringing you into the world … that should be remembered and celebrated. xx
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So sorry you have lost your Mum as well, I cry every day as well, I just couldn’t celebrate it again, her birthday was the 20th & mine is 22nd July, so we were in hospital for them both and it was dreadful, so I will never forget how sad we both were on them, it will haunt me for the rest of my days, my Mum was my world, I don’t have a partner or kids, so it won’t be much of a birthday anyway, she was the one that spoilt me on it, so it will just make me sadder and as for Christmas, the same, hope you are doing okay, it’s strange how grief makes the months fly by, one minute it was summer & now it is autumn xx
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My husband asked what we are doing for christmas i dont want to celebrate christmas. Its our 10th wedding anniversary tomorrow and i dont feel like celebrating it or doing anything. Im 50 next year and again i dont want to do anything. Its been 9 weeks today my mum had been gone but feels like years. I miss her so much x
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I totally understand why you don’t want to celebrate anything, I’m 10 weeks on Saturday and like you it feels so long ago, but still devastated, I can’t handle folk being happy, I know that sounds selfish, but I know Christmas & New Year is going to be horrendous, I hope your husband is a good support to you and understands how you are feeling, I live alone and my family have not been any use to me xx
I completely understand I feel like the world has stood still for me. I feel exactly the same don’t want to celebrate anything, don’t want to do anything. I know my mum would be telling me to go and enjoy the occasions but I can’t. My husband does support me but he does not understand as he still has his parents although he thought the world of my mum and it did hit him when she passed at home and on her funeral day but it’s not the same, my husband works long hours 7 days a week as I was not at work and our bills still needed to be paid and we got no help at all, I got a phone call from macmillan once every 2 weeks as well as the district nurses no one came out, I was looking after my mum 24/7 I was so physically and emotionally drained but I would do it all again in a heart beat, as selfish as I sound it was my mum. I had family members message to say you know where we are if you need us but it’s not the same as someone messaging to see how you are here and there. Do you have friends who can support you
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Sorry just getting back to you, I get what you mean, I get jealous when folk my age still have both parents, you have had a tough time, now you are left with a broken heart, I don’t regret living with my Mum, she never let me down, when my Dad passed away 19 years ago, I would never have left her by herself, I haven’t had any support since my Mum passed, my family are all selfish, they are all away to my Nieces 14th Birthday party tonight, it’s a wee thing in the house, I just couldn’t go, I always went with my Mum, she loved going to occasions like that, because she never got invited to their houses unless it was something like that, another thing that used to make me angry, I am the same as you, saying if you need anything let me know, when they know fine well we won’t take them up on it, my friends all have their own lives and they don’t want saddled with someone all doom & gloom, I have never felt as unloved in my life and the jobcentre are on my back just now, so I feel like I am beginning to feel the full impact of losing my Mum, I noticed the one thing about this website, because we are all grieving, we revert back to talking about ourselves, I have just replied to you and it’s mostly about me, I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this, that’s because we have no one that isn’t grieving that actually wants to listen to us or understand how we are feeling, unless professionals, again makes me bitter about my family, just carrying on as if she was never here and I am struggling more each day, I don’t even think they will miss my Mum & me tonight, I hope you have friends that can support you 
So sorry for your loss hun. My mum passed 3 weeks ago today suddenly and unexpected. I have found myself raising the music in my car and just screaming ‘mum’ on several occasions. It seems life is just so unfair to take away our precious parents. I hope you feel better in yourself soon and carry on living for her and in her memory. This is all new to me aswell but I truly and sincerely hope you can find some peace with her passing. xxxx
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So sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum, it’s one of the hardest things to have to deal with in life
Hi, I lost my mam on 13th September and I feel completely lost. I can relate to everything you have said. I constantly go to call her. The longer I’m without her the harder it feels… I feel like I have nowhere to go. I’m so sorry you are going through this too
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