My mum drank, drank a lot. I was over on holiday from where I was living in Australia Oct 2013. I left my mum sat on her floor pissed not knowing who my kids were. I never saw my mum alive again. The dreaded call came on January 13 2019 whilst I was at a friends birthday party on the Gold Coast. My little sister sent a message “ sandra, I’m so sorry, our darling mum”. I flew back to the uk 3 days later and kissed my beautiful mums cold soft lips in the bloody hospital mortuary. Flew back to Oz, moved to Abu Dhabi then flew back to the UK and buried my mum. I remember when I was younger saying to myself how I couldn’t ever think how I would breath without my mum breathing the same air. 1.5 yrs later I’m still thinking that. I wish I pull this hurt out of my insides so I wouldn’t feel like this day in day out. The vivid dreams or nightmares make me sick. I want to fix it all make it all normal but don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to function again without mum in my world. I’m in uk as often as I can afford it to see mum and my dad and I’m always taking bits to build a fckn shrine but I just can’t work out how to keep living. I feel like a bloody kid. I’m 47. But I feel like a 12 yr old who’s mum ain’t listening. She just ain’t listening x

Hi Sandypants,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your mum. It sounds as though you had a difficult relationship due to her alcoholism, and this may be complicating your feelings, but your grief is still very natural. I’m glad that you’ve found this site, and I hope that it helps a little to be able to share things here. We have another user called Lulu84 who also lost her mum who was an alcoholic. Perhaps you might find it helpful to talk to her? You can read and reply to her post here: