This may seem silly but I am using music to help me. I am starting to enjoy music again and am listening to ‘our songs’ . We had a ritual where especially on a Sunday we would play music and we would dance together, not just romantically but silly dancing taking in every room in the house, daft but it made us laugh. God knows what the neighbours thought! I have found that by forcing myself to listen to his music especially the music from his funeral, I have started to remember why we loved them in the first place and not just the sad occasion of his funeral. Anyone else do this or anything similar, by the way last Sunday I danced like a lunatic and laughed until I cried and cried until I laughed!
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Within the first 24hrs of Che’s passing I put together a tape with his favourite songs - didn’t listen, just blindly picked them. It’s been 3 months, and I finally listened to it. Oh my! I had “Like a Rock” by Springsteen, and Che didn’t even like him. I realized that one was for me…He had a beautiful voice at one time - and that I’d heard him sing all these songs…He lost his best friend (before I knew him), and I would find him singing “The Empty Bed” by Mick Ronson, with tears streaming down his face and his eyes full of sorrow - now I understand. There was some hard core rock & roll and I did dance - and it felt good!! Listening to “his” music…I also put music together for myself that day - interestingly it was all “old” music from my teens and 20’s - all comforting & soothing…So let’s crank up that music & keep dancing our blues away!!
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Heather big smile and a high five ! X
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I went out to the yard and was singing to myself, which wasn’t working too well. I was going to play one of “his” songs (which would make me sad), when one of my little voices said NO - exuberant, upbeat is what you need…So there I was in my yard; dressed in work boots,garden gloves,gray hair and wrinkles dancing to a reggae beat…and I laughed at myself and it felt good to move my body freely and have it feel lighter for a little bit…today is a good day because of this conversation…
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Heather morning glad your dancing too , bottom line is who gives a s**t what people say, what’s that saying dance like your alone! I am sure your loved one was rocking the beat with you. I am going to change our dining room into a music/liabary/snug room (no TV) my hubby was a DJ in his youth and I have found all his old LP’s etc so going to put all his records books (both our interests) and make that my go to room!!! Have a good day, feel sad sing (if your that bad lol probably best do it in your head, I upset the dog) and dance away my friend!
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Hi there, you have made me smile because I have done exactly the same as you, danced around my garden, probably looking like a lunatic.
I was working in the garden with my music on. A Stevie Wonder song came on that made me sit down and cry but determined I got up and began dancing. Cutting off bits of bushes as I went along. Did I care what I looked like, no I didn’t. I have always loved to dance from a small child and pleased that at last I am managing to find the will to not only do my aerobics again, but I am dancing. It’s a start.
Pat xx
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Well done Pat, it’s an easy way to feel lighter isn’t it. I danced again today and my son joined in lol first time in a long time I laughed out loud as he impersonated his dad dancing, I loved it! Keep rocking!
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Wonderful feeling isn’t it. A little bit of us is returning. We have hope. Good on your son for dancing with his mum and for you for laughing. I doubt my family would do this. Probably think I had gone mad. Not far wrong at times.
I have a small heart shaped piece of wood hanging up and it says Laugh, Live and Love and I intend to try and do so each day.
Pat xxx
Took me months to want to dance again, or Yoga.
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Pat my children are used to me! Music helps me express my emotions plus I like it! Tried yoga once I fell asleep
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“tried yoga, fell asleep” - haha, I’m still chuckling… and “a little bit us is returning” and “a way to feel lighter”…thanks ladies…I remember in the beginning how I could hardly lift my feet to walk…and now, how good the brief moments of freeing myself from the grief feel…
Heather they told me to relax, I haven’t slept properly for 10months, I did, bam out like a light snoring , the whole shebang lol. My humour helps me thru and I’m glad that we made you chuckle. X keep smiling on the outside and the inside will follow x
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I think thats so true,. My mum loved dancing and all types of music. I find that when i sing them at home, when im cleaning, they make me feel closer to her. And remind me of the happier times we had
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Theresa I sing my bloody heart out, there is a man on the A45 that if we weren’t stuck in traffic he would have me committed! Though I think he secretly sings along with me! I sang all the time to my hubby , he learnt to join in, I wish he hadn’t oh boy but flip side we stopped getting cats and birds well pretty much anything in the garden!!! What I wouldn’t give to hear his dulcet tones now! I cry I sing I dance it all helps!
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So, if we hear of a woman being carted off the A45 by the men in white coats then we all know who it is. I have had a dance session this morning. Put some fast beat music on and danced and did exercises. I too dance, sing and then usually sit on the floor and have a good cry. Your not supposed t go to sleep when doing Yoga!!! are you sure you wasn’t meditating. All sorts of yoga, try a more energetic sort. I’m trying to learn to Meditate but brain works on overdrive all the time.
I suppose I’m lucky I could hear Brian singing and playing his guitar if I wanted to. All I have to do is put on a CD of him, but I’m a coward as I always end up in bits.
Pat xx
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Silverlady and Pat - This whole conversation makes me feel good. It’s made me realize (again for the 100th time) that this healing is all up to me…and there’s many ways to go about it (music, nature and so much more)…
Most of this month was bad - so many tears, so much sadness & hurt - I got to the point where I had to do something. I couldn’t stand being this person anymore. I was so weary of carrying this load…And something deep inside me responded and there has been a change…maybe this is the “acceptance” phase…I feel stronger & know that I have to continue to push myself in positive ways. I have to avoid the obvious triggers as much as I can. I have to “monitor” the really negative memories and not let them rule me. I have to push my limits - I had tea with a stranger who lives nearby today, I joined a local women’s group who meet monthly for lunch. I have to change my daily routines so I don’t let myself get so ensnared by my grief. And my list goes on - its like teaching an old dog new tricks…Peace to you…H.
ps: I’m still laughing about the yoga…
Ladies been a rough couple of days, sad songs on the up again, just so much crap, music has again been my saviour to head phone manic wailing to jumping round like an idiot, one step, one beat at a time!
Hang in there! There are good days coming!
Thank you Heather. Today is a new day right. X
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Hi Ladies
I have just put on the CD of my Brian singing and listening to it as I write this. I am trying to hold back the tears. He’s playing his guitar now and it sound so good.
I haven’t played the CD for months as it cracks me up. But just to hear his voice is wonderful.
Not coped too well, afraid I’m in bits again. One day perhaps.
Pat
Pat do not hold back the tears let them flow, I have a message of my husband on the day he died thanking me for our children our love and our life. It was hard to listen to it but I love hearing his voice, you are so lucky to have a full CD enjoy it, what better tribute to your lovely man. You get down honey I’m offering a virtual hand to help you up and giving you a hug, my son said to me today as individual link we are weak as a linked chain we are strong. X
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