I lost my amazing Dad last January. I have major guilt to live with. I was my Dads carer. I checked on him every night before bed. It was my daughter’s birthday so we had all the family round including Dad. I took him over home at around 5pm. He told me to go and enjoy my evening with family and I would see him in the morning. He lived across the way from me. Every night I would look over and check all the lights were off. That night it was late when everyone left and for some reason I didn’t look over. He rang me every morning to say he was getting up. I waited until 9.30 no phone call. I just knew something was wrong. He had made the mistake of leaving the key in the door so I couldn’t get in. I smashed the window and climbed in with my daughter. We found him on the bathroom floor. He was alive and talking to us. But he had been on the floor since six the night before. The ambulance came and when they got him up the whole of his left side was black because he had laid there so long. That was November the 7th last year. He was rushed to hospital where we watched him deteriorate. Last Christmas was absolutely horrendous. We lost him on the 2nd of January. I was laid on the bed with him in my arms when he died. If only I had looked over I would of seen the lights were still on. I have to live with that now for the rest of my life. Now it’s Christmas again he loved Christmas. I’m absolutely dreading it can’t wait for it to be over. The guilt is so overwhelming. Thanks for reading. Ann
Hello @Ann15,
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. You’re not alone. Many of our member have lost a parent and will understand some of what you’re going through.
Holidays and special occasions can be an especially painful time - and often even more so when they’re the ‘firsts’. Please know that there is lots of support available if you need it. We have advice and support on coping with grief at Christmas on our website.
As well as the online community, offer a range of online bereavement support services that might be helpful to you. You can explore these at sueryder.org/support.
Take good care,
Seaneen