Its been nearly two weeks now since i lost my best friend. She was all i had (apart drom the kids). We shared a bond that can’t be explained. She was my anchor, my support system, my praying Mum. I still can’t believe this. It all feels like a dream. I am having trouble in doing anything. My mind mostly drift away. Sometimes i am okay and the next minute, i am totally upset. Most times, i feel lost, hopeless, hurt, confused and suicidal. The thoughts of my kids having to go through the same pains is what keeps me still alive. I just don’t know what to do. Most times, i have a terrible migraine, now boils breaking out. I am just so unhappy.
It started about over a year ago when she was diagnosed with dementia and then suddenly it progressed. About four months ago, she had a terrible bed sore. She survived this. However, four weeks ago, she became so unwell. I was told she had sepsis and the sores had come back worst, she could hardly eat, she had lost so much blood and needed to have 6 pints of blood. I wanted to know the reasons why she kept losing blood. She had 3 different tests done. On the day she had had the last test was when i received the nightmare call that shattered my life at about 7:31pm on a Tuesday i think 22nd September. I need help. I am lost
Hi @Beautifulme,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you’re new here - I want to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you’re feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. It sounds as though things have been incredibly tough for you and that you’re feeling lost, hopeless, hurt and confused.
Most of our community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one, so many will understand some of what you’re going through. It’s very normal for people who are grieving to feel lost and not know where to start. I’m really glad you’ve reached out to share your feelings with us - you don’t have to go through this alone.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @Beatifulme, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Alex
I lost my mum a couple of days after you. I really do know how you feel. My mum was also my everything, my whole world. The last week and a half has been devastating. This website has helped me to realise though that I’m not alone. I’m also trying to tell myself that my mum would not want me to be so upset. She was incredibly strong and now I need to be the same for her and for my children. I have also started to write to her which I’m finding is helping as it feels like she is still close when I write. I know when the funeral comes it will all really hit but these are a couple of my coping strategies for now. Feel free to message me if you are feeling low or just want a chat.
Thank you @s.b.2025 This pain is so deep. I feel so miserable right now. I will try writing as well but not sure if i can even think straight. I have signed up to a therapist session which begins tomorrow. Fingers crossed
I hope it helps. Please let me know. I am also considering therapy.
How did you get on? Wondering how you found a local therapist please and what sort of advice they gave.
Hi, I am so sorry to hear this, I lost my Mum 9 weeks ago and have the same thoughts you have, you are not meant to say to someone grieving that you know how they feel, but I 100% can relate to this, I don’t have any children and stayed with my Mum, you can contact me whenever you want, my own family have already moved on 
Hi @s.b.2025 i had my first therapy session yesterday. I felt she was quite understanding. She sent me some mediation exercises and told me to download the relax and sleep app. It helped. I was a bit teary explaining the events that had occurred to her
Thank you @Lainy1969
That’s good you have some strategies to try. I hope they help a bit.
I’m feeling for you. I’m going through similar. I lost my mum a few weeks ago, Not sure what to say just that you are not alone, I can relate to some of the ways you say you are feeling. Gentle steps, it’s early days .
I hope you’re doing ok.