Hi, i don’t know if anyone will remember me from just before christmas when i lost my mum and facing some legal stuff to get justice for her. The legal stuff came to an end as, in their words I ‘didn’t take any pictures of her in the coffin’ so its my word against theirs. So my only step is to keep her memory alive now. I also faced mums 60th birthday in july. It killed me, but we had 3 events for her. The saturday before, all the family went out and celebrated her birthday and raised a glass for her. On her actual birthday, we wrote messages ok balloons and set them off for her, my 5 year old, who remembers everything about my mum said the balloons flew up to heaven so nannie will read them 
then the saturday after, all her friends had a big get together for her. It was a difficult week but it was beautiful seeing how many people love my mum and still miss her. Im trying my best to cope with everything and i am putting one foot infront of the other so i suppose im getting there as people would say. I have also started seeing somebody. I bumped into someone ive known all my life and he just asked how ive been since its all happened and it started completely innocent, then we started getting feelings for eachother and low and behold we have fell in love. The nice part is both my parents and his parents was really good friends so he remembers them alot. His dad has passed away many years ago too. And last night, even though i already know his mum, he introduced me to her as his girlfriend. We havent introduced our kids to eachother yet(that wont be for a while, he has 2 daughters too) but things are going really well. Hes really understanding with everything ive been through. I get alot of feelings of guilt sometimes, like i never thought id be happy again since losing mum, bare in mind im still very down but this man does make me happy and when he sees my mood dipping he does pick it up. I know my mum would want me to be happy and she would kick me for being as down as i am, but i just miss her so much. I wish i could introduce her to him, even though she already knew him. I wish she was still here for my kids. I just cant help but relive that day over and over in my mind. Sorry i know this is a long one and thank you if you’re still reading. I just needed to talk to someone even if it is just writing it down. Thank you x
It’s a silver lining blessing or a rainbow after a storm maybe that you have found someone new to love and be loved by.
It gives me hope I might find someone too.
It’s 3 years and counting I still feel isolated with my grief and guilt, irrationally still feel responsible for her death because I gave up hope she’d recover… the loss is so much more immense than I ever imagined it could be, she wasn’t a big part of my life, or so I thought until she was gone and now I am alone in the world without her, bereft and like I’m floating in a vast sea or fathomless space with no anchor :(((
There is hope for everyone. I dont think guilt ever goes away, as i do feel alot of guilt surrounding my mums death, but i suppose we have to try and just put one foot infront of the other. There is someone for everyone and i hope you find your person. We all deserve love