I dont know if anyone will remember me, I lost my mum December 2024. Its been 15 months now since losing my mum and I’m really struggling. All my family have vanished, off living their lives that don’t involve me. The family I do still talk to have their own happy things going on so I don’t like to burden them with anything and when I do open up I get told ‘ring you back later’ to which no call happens. A family member just told me ‘you’re in a dark place so best to speak to a therapist because I just dont know what to say to you’ which feels awful because it just means they don’t care enough to listen. I do have a boyfriend but his mum has health issues right now so I don’t like to burden him with anything. I just feel so alone, doing the same thing day in day out, looking at the same 4 walls, on autopilot. I just miss my mum so much it is physically hurting me. My body is in so much pain thinking of my mum. I recently had a miscarriage too, which nobody supported me with and I just had to deal with everything myself. I’ve tried looking for support groups to join to see if that helps but there is none in my area. I’m just really lost right now and don’t have anyone to turn to. I have booked a counselling session in a couple weeks to see if that helps, just wish the people around me would care enough to be there for me x
Hello @Col92,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
Hello Col. I totally get where you are coming from. I lost my Mum last May and it still seems unreal to be writing that sentence. Like surely that can’t be true? And then that’s enough to set me off crying again.
Are you sure your relative doesn’t care enough to listen? You may be right , you know them after all. But could it be that they genuinely don’t know how to help or what to say? This country is a devil for that. Dying is ‘the great unmentionable’ and so many people doubt themselves because they never heard anyone else talk about it. But yes, they could give it a try. The worst thing would be that you’d get upset but you’re upset anyway!
Please be kind to yourself. A miscarriage can be a devastating thing even for those who are not grieving.
I will check on here tomorrow to see if you’ve got back to me. No pressure though.
Hugs xxx
Hi Col, so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I lost my mother ten years ago and this has left a huge void in my life as I was very close to her. Nothing prepares you for this and the best thing I’ve found is to just try and take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. Its sad that your family members are not more understanding because these are people who knew your mother and to be able to talk to them about your grief and memories of her would have been a great help. I am in a similar position although I don’t have a lot of family members and I don’t have a lot of contact with them but they’re not really reaching out as they’re wrapped up in their own lives. This is sad as like you these people would have been ideal to talk to about my mother as they are related to her and myself and knew my mother and her life. I have one brother and he lived at home with my mother and me while she was alive and then moved out four years after she died. He has since become more distant and occupied with his own life but I always found communicating with him quite difficult but this has become worse since he moved out. He never phones or visits and this is quite painful as he is my only sibling. I find I just have to get on with it! It is very painful but I know there is bereavement counselling if I need it. Family members would have been ideal to talk to about my mother and my grief but like in your case they’re just not there. Talking to strangers about bereavement is often a lot easier! I have sometimes talked to people in cafes as the subject sometimes comes up and there can be a mutual sharing.
If you feel that the counselling would help you should do it. Its only been 15 months since you lost your mother so your grief is still raw. Its good that you’re reaching out on here and reaching out for counselling. I understand 100% how painful grief is and how it is hard to understand it. We feel our grief so deeply because we loved our mothers so much.
Take care and keep reaching out on here.
Hi Col. Just checking in on you as I promised xxx
Hi sorry just seen your message. No they have made it clear they have moved on. I just feel so sad all the time and nobody cares. The sadness is crippling some days x
Hi Paul, thanks for reaching out. Awful conversation starter isn’t it? I’ve found more peace in talking to strangers than family, they really have shown me their true colours since my mums passing! Have you ever tried reaching out to your brother about this? I’ve got to brothers myself. One i havent spoken to for years (he’s awful) and my eldest brother stopped speaking to him a couple months before my mums passing as he treated her that poorly, I just couldn’t stand by while he was that horrible to my mum! Sometimes blood is not thicket than water and we need to cut ties for our own sanity, but does that mean all family have to vanish in the process? I’ve actually got a counselling session booked for next week, I’m hoping it will relieve a tiny bit of weight from my shoulders, but also how to open up so freely to a stranger when you’ve learnt how to bottle everything up so far is a difficult one. I don’t think I’m ever going to recover from losing my mum. Thank you for reaching out, please don’t hesitate to message me if you ever want to talk, always have an ear to listen x
Hi Col, bereavement is a very difficult experience especially losing a mother, the person who we’re probably the closest to. Its a shame to also have such a poor response from family members. My brother just gets on with his own life which he’s entitled to and my aunt and cousins are just the same. You don’t realise the sheer enormity of losing your mother until you’re in the middle of it and this loss impacts an entire family. I just take it one day at a time and hope to meet some decent people in everyday life Somehow you get through it. I hope your counselling helps. I know I could try that myself if I needed it. I live in the family home where my mother lived and its nice to be here, getting my bearings and knowing I’m in the one place where I’m closest to my mother. I hope things will get easier as the time goes on for all of us in this grief journey. I hope all is well with you as its relatively early days for you since you lost your mother. We can only take it one day at a time and try and be kind to ourselves.
Take care.