My beautiful steff

I have decided to sign up tonight as I hope it can help me and my mind in some ways I dunno tho.
My names Gerard I’m 31 and I lost my wonderful girlfriend on Sunday evening suddenly. I think it’s because it was so sudden I’m up and down atm.

Her name was steffany. She was 26 and full of life. She didn’t drink or smoke or do drugs. She always had a smile on her face and 3 years ago I finally found someone who accepted me for my quirks and irritating behaviours. We lived together pretty much the last 2 and a half years. We were going to Paris in 2 weeks as it was her dream to go to disneyland and up the eiffel tower. I had planned to propose to her. We had saved up enough to buy a house next year and were planning on kids also.

Sunday morning she woke up and complained of shortness of breath. She could still breath but not like normal. She was also getting sick a bit. She didn’t go into work she stayed at home with me and rested.

She asked me to run her a bath about 7pm… About 720 she shouted for me as she couldn’t get up out the bath. I help her up and out and she said she felt pins and needles in her feet.

I helped her walk to the bedroom and she collapsed in my arms in the doorway.

I thought she just fainted at first. She wouldn’t respond and her eyes didn’t move. I performed cpr on her there and then until the ambulance came. I was told if I hadn’t of acted there would have absolute no chance for her. I had given her a bit of a chance to survive.

In total cpr was performed on her for 3 hours from the time I started until the machine was turned off in the hospital as there was no response on her own. For a second time she died in my arms. I’m glad her parents were there with her at that moment aswell.

I’m currently staying at my dad’s until I get the courage to go back home to an empty flat.
I feel like I’m in a computer game where any moment I’m gonna wake up and she will be there. I know this isn’t the case.

I have started to have sudden panic attacks since Sunday night. They come at random times. I’m lucky I can control myself at the minute when they happen

She had no medical history of illness. Wasn’t on any medication. They do not know the cause yet except a possible blood clot went to her lungs.

I know it’s not gonna get easier. It’s really hard at the moment to think about what I’m going to do with my future without her now.


I am so sorry to hear about you loss. Please understand that you are in shock and disbelief, not to mention devastated, and your mind and body will not be able to function properly. All that all you can expect at the moment is to be able to breathe and exist. I lost the love of my life to lung cancer 6 weeks ago and I am still devastated and struggling to cope. We too had a holiday and a wedding planned for the end of June and my mind is in constant turmoil as I miss him so much and I am so angry as my future now seems so bleak. Our house is so empty so at times I have also stayed with family, you must allow them to support you as well as friends. I would also suggest a visit to your GP as they might be able to refer you for bereavement counselling as they have with me and possibly medication to help you to get some rest. You cannot get through this alone and no matter what you think you are not going mad! I have thought this at times but have been reassured I am not and my emotional turmoil is “normal” under the circumstances. Don’t expect too much of yourself but give yourself time for your mind and body to cope with the pain you are feeling as horrendous as I know it is…
Take care,
Lynn x

I know this is not going to help with your pain nor sudden loss but I too lost my partner of 19 years suddenly at home whilst sitting in his armchair…There is so much to take in, so much churning round in your head…the wanting to wake up from this nightmare…I feel so much your pain, you are-were so young, with your whole life ahead of you…Are they doing an autopsy? they done one on my Richard…nothing prepares us for a sudden death, so many questions we want answered…Life can be so cruel…


Hi I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for your advice I will defo take that on board.
My family have been there for me and are helping me so I’m very lucky in that respect

Hi Jackie yes I believe they are going to do an autopsy due to the circumstances. And ye I have so many questions. Of myself if I could have prevented it somehow if I could have questioned her symptoms earlier in the day and called 101. If I could have saved her life on that night. I was told I did everything I could and I know I reacted quite quickly when it happened. But Im still doubting everything I did on that day. I know it’s not my fault and there’s no one to blame and I think that’s why it’s so hard and easy to question for me

…yes you will have a dozen questions, i know I did, I still do…you done all things as you should, dont ever doubt that you could have done more…

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Hi Gerard, what a very sad and tragic situation for you to try to deal with. I am so very sorry. Please look after yourself and think about taking the advice already given to you. Only you know what is the best way for you to begin to deal with your shock and heartbreak and you must do whatever is right for you. Your post makes me realise how very lucky some of us are to have been given the chance to spend so many years with our husbands, wives etc before our own tragedies struck. I am so very sorry that your fairytale with your girlfriend ended far, far too soon for both of you. Sending you love and prayers x

Thank you for the message. It has certainly helped coming on here so far. It’s a day by day basis atm and for the future to deal with stages of processing the information and trying to get back to a somewhat normal life.

Although we lost our only child, not a partner, your circumstances sound very similar to what happened to our daughter Helen. She was at home with her husband, having felt unwell enough to take the day off work (unusually for her) but not ill enough to see a doctor. She, too, collapsed with out warning and CPR by her husband and the paramedics got a heartbeat but a scan at the hospital showed total organ failure, we were told (eventually) as a result of septicaemia caused by peritonitis. It’s been a horrible few months for us all, especially her husband who thought that he should have been able to do more and I can’t see that we’ll ever recover our old ability to cope with life. One tiny chink of light is that the result of the post mortem proved to her husband that he really was powerless to do any more than he did.
We all get by on the surface but there’s always an underlying current of grief, waiting in ambush, when something reminds us of the past or when there is nothing to distract our minds. Anxiety is now a constant companion but there is, after five months, some feeling of lightness when a happy memory surfaces. We’re still where the sadness is stronger than hope or happiness but we’ve reached a point when we can see that one day, we may remember Helen and the privilege of knowing her without the agony of her loss overwhelming everything else.
I wish you love and the strength to cope.

Jeannie what a very brave lady you sound. You have suffered the worst loss of all, that of a child and, an only one at that.

Regardless of age your daughter is always your child and yet, you offer beautiful words of encouragement and support to others.

Jeannie, I am in awe of you. Sending you love and a hug x

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Thanks, cw13. I’m not really brave. My (few) posts are what I can do on a “good” (ie less bad) day. Helen was the best thing that ever happened to us, the empty space can never be filled. She wasn’t a saint (neither are we!), and we had our moments but never anything to matter. She was a loving, determined, intelligent, hard working young woman who should, if life was fair and just, be here, still making a difference…
Where we go from here is a problem and will be for a long time but it helps a little if anything I say is a help to others.
Thanks again for the encouragement, we’ll go on trying.
JeannieF xxx

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