I lost my wonder soulmate and wife of 34 years suddenly on Tuesday while she cancer free and undergoing chemotherapy due to infection . I’m struggling to even want the live anymore because of the pain and the thought of a future without her. How doe one get through this. I don’t want to worry my family further and I,ve been open with my thoughts- Iam in shock and seen a GP but I can’t get through to the crisis line. has anyone got advice of how to get through this agonising horrendous time foe please. love to all.
Hi Stehud, You must be so shocked and traumatized at what has happened especially as your wife was cancer free. You can’t believe it, you don’t want to accept it, you want to be with her, the house is so empty without her, you go over it all again and again, the if only’s and the why has this happened. Everyone on here has been where you are now and are at different stages. It’s been 7 weeks for me since my husband took a sudden and unexpected heart attack and it doesn’t get any easier. Use all the support, love and friendship you get offered. Some days you won’t want to get out of bed but you need to force yourself as hard as it is. I can’t give you any advice on how to get through this we all handle grief in a different way. I know you feel like your world has ended but it’s not and although there are dark times ahead you will get through it. Chatting with other people on here who are all in the same position as yourself will help you as it has me. We are all part of a club we never wanted to join 7 weeks ago I felt exactly the same as you but you will find a way of getting through the days, trust me you will.
Sending positive thoughts
There is not a lot more I can say. Mrs. Colt has said it all. It’s exactly what happened to me although my wife did not die suddenly. The pain will be great for a while, but honest, it does ease. I never thought it would. It’s over a year now and I often have my moments but I can see the light getting brighter. take care.
The crisis lines the GP’s give are often on voicemail, if you need to talk you can usually get through to the Samaritans (116 123) if you hold on and let it ring. It’s very, very early for you but you do need to talk and cry. If your GP isn’t much help try a church, you don’t have to be religious. If you try to hold it all in you’ll only feel worse. I had one evening where I was yelling at God outside the house during a thunderstorm, daring him to strike me dead. It gets rid of the anger. You’re going to feel a whole range of emotions, frequently at the same time.
There is no easy way to get through it, I’m told by Cruse bereavement that it’s at least two years before you start to come to terms with it.
It’s a little over 9 months for me, it’s not easy, when I have good days I get depressed because I felt too good without her, then I drink and play sad songs to make myself cry. Tears are good, don’t be afraid to cry, if you haven’t yet you will. You’re still in shock right now. The important thing is to talk to as many people as possible, let them know how you feel. Nothing you feel is abnormal, don’t be afraid to share it. Almost everyone I know is aware I’ve been close to the point of ending it all because I tell them. The responses surprise me, so many men have been suicidal at one point for various reasons but really haven’t talked about it before. Me talking opens up the path for us to support each other. It’s liberating when you don’t have to keep those dark thoughts to yourself. Men are at much higher risk of suicide because we don’t share feelings with others, if you think you need counselling you can self refer or get your GP to refer you. If you need to talk now or at any time call the Samaritans.
Take care, Carl.
Hi Carl. Well said. You are so right. Letting emotions out, talking to people, (those who understand), All those things externalize the pain. It’s a question of baby steps. A little at a time. I think Cruse may be right. It’s over a year now since my wife passed and it’s a little better. Not much but a little.
Thank you for your thoughtful post. John.
am so sorry to hear this, you are in the early stages of this journey and at the moment its all so hard to take in, my husband passed away in 2012 and I joined the Way Up widow site which has been my lifeline and are all over the country and they all know what we are going through and so welcoming, in time I have been on holidays, meals out, coffee mornings, to get through you take it one day at a time. Take care.